schedule
November 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I love your story so far!!!!
UPDATE!!!! :D
UPDATE!!!! :D
schedule
May 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That was a great three chapters. UD soon.
schedule
February 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like the plot and the pacing. The overall execution leaves a lot to be desired.
First: SHOW, don't tell. Be more subtle in how you slip in the information you want to impart to the reader. Don't use the dialogue to spell it out word for word. Use the character's body language, expressions, and what they DON'T say to get that across. And/or use the context of the story, but not blatently; must be subtle and integrated into the story. Otherwise, you break the reader's concentration/suspension of disbelief. They are jerked out of the story and realize they are reading. (and for GOD's sake, don't interject with something like "I know there was no sequel to this movie, but..." NO, NO, NO!!!! Make that clear in the intro or just write it so that the reader realizes there WAS a sequel in this story)
Make sure the dialogue sounds believable; say it out loud if you have to. Do people talk like this? Do they state and re-state every detail with every sentence? NO. They blurt things out, they leave much left unsaid, esp. when upset. Again, your challenge as a writer is to convey all the info you need to in other ways, or through the dialogue but in a much more subtle way. Try using ALL your tools to get it across; what the characters say, how they move and look, your subtle comments as the "narrator".
I thought some of the dialogue was good/believable, but most was too much, too contrived. You don't need to put so much back-story and details into it (no one sits around and says, like a detective in some lame novel, summing up the details of the case the writer didn't bother to SHOW in the story, "well, remember when so and so did such and such and this was why and it led to this and so on, blah, blah." ;)
Despite all this, I WAS interested in the story/idea; it got my attention. I just found it hard to get past the writing/execution enough to appreciate it.
First: SHOW, don't tell. Be more subtle in how you slip in the information you want to impart to the reader. Don't use the dialogue to spell it out word for word. Use the character's body language, expressions, and what they DON'T say to get that across. And/or use the context of the story, but not blatently; must be subtle and integrated into the story. Otherwise, you break the reader's concentration/suspension of disbelief. They are jerked out of the story and realize they are reading. (and for GOD's sake, don't interject with something like "I know there was no sequel to this movie, but..." NO, NO, NO!!!! Make that clear in the intro or just write it so that the reader realizes there WAS a sequel in this story)
Make sure the dialogue sounds believable; say it out loud if you have to. Do people talk like this? Do they state and re-state every detail with every sentence? NO. They blurt things out, they leave much left unsaid, esp. when upset. Again, your challenge as a writer is to convey all the info you need to in other ways, or through the dialogue but in a much more subtle way. Try using ALL your tools to get it across; what the characters say, how they move and look, your subtle comments as the "narrator".
I thought some of the dialogue was good/believable, but most was too much, too contrived. You don't need to put so much back-story and details into it (no one sits around and says, like a detective in some lame novel, summing up the details of the case the writer didn't bother to SHOW in the story, "well, remember when so and so did such and such and this was why and it led to this and so on, blah, blah." ;)
Despite all this, I WAS interested in the story/idea; it got my attention. I just found it hard to get past the writing/execution enough to appreciate it.
schedule
August 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
omg. i want to read more!!!
schedule
July 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
aww... i wish you would keep going on this one....
i love it!!!! :D
i love it!!!! :D