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February 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow, that last chapter just totally blew my mind. That was really well written. Looking forward to reading more!
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February 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
omg. are you serious? you can't leave it at that!!! haha
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February 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
no more teasing! we need a longer chap!
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February 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
MMMOOORRREEE!!!
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January 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Surprisingly engaging. I was a little apprehensive about the first two chapters. The random Japanese suffixes are a major put off. However, I eventually read it all and I must say it's very good. Avi seems to be the sort of person the real MCR guys would choose. The explaination for an eighteen-year-old vocal coach seemed very believable in the story, and the characterization as they were explaining is dead-on. I really hope you continue this.
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January 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
When is there going to be a new addition out? Because I really like the story....and there is nothing left to read!
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January 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
okay... not a bad chapter... kinda begins to show how their relationship is developing... kinda hot... but If I fell on top of Gerard... i wouldn't get up! *wink* update soon please!
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January 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I have to be honest, this is starting out sounding really immature. PEOPLE DO NOT GET HIRED TO BE VOICE TRAINERS AT 18 YEARS OLD! Or if they do, certainly not for world famous rock bands.
Definite potential though. If you tweaked a couple of things, mostly in the realism department, and developed it a bit, I think you'd have a really good start here. I know it gets frustrating as the writer to have a story in your head and really want to move it along, but it's so much better if you take the time to work it all out and not rush it. I don't think the voice trainer thing is realistic, unless there's some sort of special backstory, or a reason that she got the job instead of someone older and undoubtedly more qualified....and maybe there is and you just haven't talked about it yet.
And I'm not saying it should be all business novel or anything, because obviously it's a fantasy, and every little thing doesn't have to be perfect. I do think it's more engaging though, when it feels a bit more like something that could really happen.
I loved the last line of chapter one, "his heart skipped one hell of a beat". Simple, but a really great line and way to end the chapter. And hey, I'm hooked enough to want to know what the hell happened to this girl, cause it was obviously something big. So kudos for that.
Anyway, this is a lot more interesting than a lot of the other stuff on here, so by all means continue on, and don't take this the wrong way because I am trying to be constructive. I think this is going to be very interesting, and I eagerly await your next chapter.
Definite potential though. If you tweaked a couple of things, mostly in the realism department, and developed it a bit, I think you'd have a really good start here. I know it gets frustrating as the writer to have a story in your head and really want to move it along, but it's so much better if you take the time to work it all out and not rush it. I don't think the voice trainer thing is realistic, unless there's some sort of special backstory, or a reason that she got the job instead of someone older and undoubtedly more qualified....and maybe there is and you just haven't talked about it yet.
And I'm not saying it should be all business novel or anything, because obviously it's a fantasy, and every little thing doesn't have to be perfect. I do think it's more engaging though, when it feels a bit more like something that could really happen.
I loved the last line of chapter one, "his heart skipped one hell of a beat". Simple, but a really great line and way to end the chapter. And hey, I'm hooked enough to want to know what the hell happened to this girl, cause it was obviously something big. So kudos for that.
Anyway, this is a lot more interesting than a lot of the other stuff on here, so by all means continue on, and don't take this the wrong way because I am trying to be constructive. I think this is going to be very interesting, and I eagerly await your next chapter.
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January 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oooo! it's really good so far! I like the fact she is a voice trainer... unique way for her to meet the boys! Also you have to keep updating cause now I need to know what she means by "trying not to fall"... if it isn't love... what the fuck is it? okay... good story... update soon!