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April 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I have to agree...you should get a beta reader. It's hard to follow the story because of the format/spelling/grammar. Definite potential though.
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March 3, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Sorry but the bad grammar and spelling on this are real turn offs. I'm not sure why it's been rated so highly as the story doesn't flow at all. You really need to get a beta reader.
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September 30, 2003 at 12:00 AM
This was an awesome adult fan fiction. The emotions you captured, the realism of your whole story, and even the idea of it was awesome... I can't wait for the next chapter.... Please Update soon..
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August 19, 2003 at 12:00 AM
ew, she's 5'2" and weights 150?!?!? she's fat!!!eeewwwww
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August 18, 2003 at 12:00 AM
so far its good keep writing
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August 18, 2003 at 12:00 AM
keep wrighting
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August 7, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Great story, keep writing!!
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June 30, 2003 at 12:00 AM
keep writing