schedule
June 20, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I didn't find the beginning awkward at all. It draws you in and makes you really look forward to the meet-up between Daniel and Darren. Very good first chapter :)
schedule
June 4, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Do write more, I'm LOVING your imagery world so far :) There's a promise here of something grand alright.
schedule
June 3, 2003 at 12:00 AM
intreguing and horny beginning me likes
schedule
June 3, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Really good start. I want to say from your title, though, I hope this is not going to be a death fic. I'd expect a warning if it was.
As for the beginning, it looks good.
It had all be caught on tape, but Daniel hoped, not too obviously.<-- you might try 'It had all been caught on tape but not, Daniel hoped, too obviously.
Then, his face in that vice, his black eyebrow arching just so... <-- a vice is a sin... I think you mean vishoughough I'm not sure that's what the object was, I know what you're talking about. ^__^
Nicely heated chapter, though. I enjoyed it very much.
I look forward to reading more!
Linda
As for the beginning, it looks good.
It had all be caught on tape, but Daniel hoped, not too obviously.<-- you might try 'It had all been caught on tape but not, Daniel hoped, too obviously.
Then, his face in that vice, his black eyebrow arching just so... <-- a vice is a sin... I think you mean vishoughough I'm not sure that's what the object was, I know what you're talking about. ^__^
Nicely heated chapter, though. I enjoyed it very much.
I look forward to reading more!
Linda