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April 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I hope you won't be mortally offended by this, but this story really gives the impression that English isn't your first language. The fic itself is very cute and would indeed make a perfect first chapter for a longer story. While the characterizations weren't all according to my tastes, they fit the sweet and rather playful feel of the story very well. All in all, this is a nice fic full of fluffy sentimentality and a little love sickness; perfect for those who enjoy the style.