schedule
November 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Actually, I don't really care what you think. Nessa, and La Petit Mort love it and those are really the only opinions I care about. I just found it hard to believe that you couldn't understand it.
I have an erotic thesaurus on my computer and here are some erotic words for erotic.
Erotic: amatory, amorous, aphrodisiac, carnal, earthy, erogenous, fervid, filthy, hot, impassioned, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, raw, romantic, rousing, salacious, seductive, sensual, sexual, spicy, steamy, stimulating, suggestive, titillating, venereal, voluptuous.
My main problem was all the ‘ooohhhs and ahhs I'm coming.’ When was the last time you announced your orgasm. I know I don't. I can't think at that time. And I maybe a lesbian but I understand my characters and I think they have depth and I have many people that say they do. You characters seem pretty flat in only wanting sex. I might care more for this story if maybe Jenna or Vienna would explain more about culture and things they do in their daily routine.
We, as readers no nothing about these people or why the exist, it'd be nice to know, what they do, how do they hide from the public eye, simple things like that can greatly enhance the story. but you won't go back and ever change these things because you see your story as perfect when people clearly say they aren't.
People are entitled to there opinions but everyone needs to have an open mind when it comes to writing. Especially when it comes to there style and ideas for a story, but if the reader finds it boring then the author's job is to make it less boring so more people will read it.
I know by posting things on here I don’t want blind adoration although it’s great for the ego. I want people to tell me what to fix and how to improve. That’s why I post and if you take a step back and look at the reason you post, and it is to get ego strokes for being the best writer ever and you come back and one person gave you constructive criticism you attack them because they don’t bow down and worship your writing. Then your not on here for the right reason.
Ness is a tough customer and she is hard to make like your stories, she can adore the plot but if it takes double the time the story should then she will tell me to improve. That’s what I like a writer and I don’t see how you can’t appreciate her trying to help it seems very conceded and middle-school to me, but then again you and I are different.
I have an erotic thesaurus on my computer and here are some erotic words for erotic.
Erotic: amatory, amorous, aphrodisiac, carnal, earthy, erogenous, fervid, filthy, hot, impassioned, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, raw, romantic, rousing, salacious, seductive, sensual, sexual, spicy, steamy, stimulating, suggestive, titillating, venereal, voluptuous.
My main problem was all the ‘ooohhhs and ahhs I'm coming.’ When was the last time you announced your orgasm. I know I don't. I can't think at that time. And I maybe a lesbian but I understand my characters and I think they have depth and I have many people that say they do. You characters seem pretty flat in only wanting sex. I might care more for this story if maybe Jenna or Vienna would explain more about culture and things they do in their daily routine.
We, as readers no nothing about these people or why the exist, it'd be nice to know, what they do, how do they hide from the public eye, simple things like that can greatly enhance the story. but you won't go back and ever change these things because you see your story as perfect when people clearly say they aren't.
People are entitled to there opinions but everyone needs to have an open mind when it comes to writing. Especially when it comes to there style and ideas for a story, but if the reader finds it boring then the author's job is to make it less boring so more people will read it.
I know by posting things on here I don’t want blind adoration although it’s great for the ego. I want people to tell me what to fix and how to improve. That’s why I post and if you take a step back and look at the reason you post, and it is to get ego strokes for being the best writer ever and you come back and one person gave you constructive criticism you attack them because they don’t bow down and worship your writing. Then your not on here for the right reason.
Ness is a tough customer and she is hard to make like your stories, she can adore the plot but if it takes double the time the story should then she will tell me to improve. That’s what I like a writer and I don’t see how you can’t appreciate her trying to help it seems very conceded and middle-school to me, but then again you and I are different.
schedule
November 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I honestly cannot sit by and read through this without putting my own two cents in. I’m not going to critique your story, it’s already been done and quite valid points were made. My own personal opinion, don’t take the criticism as an attack. If you’re going to post your work, be prepared to hear what others think of it. Take the criticism in stride, try to keep it in mind when you begin to write again. In the end what matters is that you like your writing and you enjoy it, no matter how horrible it really may be. Writing should be something you love and enjoy doing, if you want to write just for fun - with bad grammar and general poor writing skills, then so be it. Just don’t post it in the public eye and not expect people to critique you. We’re simply trying to help you evolve and not be ignorant to how much better your work can be.
Further more, character development is something that must happen within a story. Especially if you’re writing about someone who you supposedly admire. You don’t want them to seem like a one dimensional, sex craving maniac. And that’s what this is bringing out. I love a good one shot as much as anyone else - plotless sex can be nice. But there still needs to be depth to the people/species involved. I can tell you wanted some sort of meaning within this story, even if it was just Twiggy kittens, whatever. You need to slow down and take your time with the plot and development. It’s just got to be there or the story is bland.
I could go on, but as I said - people have already told you where your weak points are. If I were you I’d be horribly grateful to receive criticism such as this. A lot of the time, you as an author can’t see where your flaws are and you need others to point it out for you. That’s what being done here, you’re just being too protective and stubborn to see it.
I do wish you good luck with your writing and hope that you take some of these comments to heart next time you sit down at your computer to write.
Further more, character development is something that must happen within a story. Especially if you’re writing about someone who you supposedly admire. You don’t want them to seem like a one dimensional, sex craving maniac. And that’s what this is bringing out. I love a good one shot as much as anyone else - plotless sex can be nice. But there still needs to be depth to the people/species involved. I can tell you wanted some sort of meaning within this story, even if it was just Twiggy kittens, whatever. You need to slow down and take your time with the plot and development. It’s just got to be there or the story is bland.
I could go on, but as I said - people have already told you where your weak points are. If I were you I’d be horribly grateful to receive criticism such as this. A lot of the time, you as an author can’t see where your flaws are and you need others to point it out for you. That’s what being done here, you’re just being too protective and stubborn to see it.
I do wish you good luck with your writing and hope that you take some of these comments to heart next time you sit down at your computer to write.
schedule
November 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This story, insofar, is absolutely atrocious. Let me explain why.
#1 : In your dialogue, there is almost never a period when there needs to be one. Also, you need to learn proper use of a comma. You throw them in when the sentence needs to end, or, worse yet, don't use them where they should be.
#2 : The story is about furies. You bitch about bondage, and putting characters through what you claim, is abuse, but then you right a near trans-indentalist story with furies. I'm sorry, but bestiality is the worst abuse I could think of aside from golden showers and poop play.
#3 : Instead of writing out that they are screaming in an artistic way, you add obnoxious and distracting words into the dialogue.
#4 : You use alot of very long run on sentences.
#5 : If you use the word "pant" one more time I'm going to hammer you with a thesaurus.
Before you write another story please take a class on grammar. Also, I wouldn't mind if you would take a creative writing class. Anything to save this fanfiction world from your embarrassing crap.
#1 : In your dialogue, there is almost never a period when there needs to be one. Also, you need to learn proper use of a comma. You throw them in when the sentence needs to end, or, worse yet, don't use them where they should be.
#2 : The story is about furies. You bitch about bondage, and putting characters through what you claim, is abuse, but then you right a near trans-indentalist story with furies. I'm sorry, but bestiality is the worst abuse I could think of aside from golden showers and poop play.
#3 : Instead of writing out that they are screaming in an artistic way, you add obnoxious and distracting words into the dialogue.
#4 : You use alot of very long run on sentences.
#5 : If you use the word "pant" one more time I'm going to hammer you with a thesaurus.
Before you write another story please take a class on grammar. Also, I wouldn't mind if you would take a creative writing class. Anything to save this fanfiction world from your embarrassing crap.
schedule
November 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well,
Im glad you reviewed my story. Yes, I did put something in that I molded together. Id point out that the character of Jenna is of another RACE, not species, but it wouldnt hit home. I like to use powerful words, and I dont think theyre distracting at all. I dont NEED to use proper fucking grammer. You want that, you cross your Ts and dot your eyes. I pull out the stops, not muck around for 50 chapters saying nothing. I want to protray passion, and if youre reading a story concentrating on grammer and spelling, then I dont really care what you think, cuz youre reading it for the wrong reasons. Go write your own, and then well see. Otherwise, fuck off, cuz Im proud of everything I put on this site.
R
oh, and if you wanna step up...IM me.....saqarra_hp_2001 YIM - lateralus662002 AIM