schedule
June 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
lmao!
"Stephanie, I want a divorce".
Greatness. XD
"Stephanie, I want a divorce".
Greatness. XD
schedule
February 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hmm, I suppose this story could've worked, but at least an elementary spell check would've been necessary for that. I'm certain that there wasn't a single sentence in there without at least one mistake...
Other than that, well, while even grown men can be incredibly juvenile at times, it would've been better if you hadn't rushed the story quite this badly. Instead let the situation grow so that the different acts would've had some degree of plausibility. Now it just leaves the reader wondering as the guys jump at each others' bones without preamble. Also there's room for plenty of more dialogue, like the guys giving teasing comments when the others start feeling the heat, so to speak. Some general description would've been nice, to make us find out how the guys felt during all these little upsets, and it would give the situation more gravity and staying power, instead of jumping from one act to another and trying to top the previous one.
Other than that, well, while even grown men can be incredibly juvenile at times, it would've been better if you hadn't rushed the story quite this badly. Instead let the situation grow so that the different acts would've had some degree of plausibility. Now it just leaves the reader wondering as the guys jump at each others' bones without preamble. Also there's room for plenty of more dialogue, like the guys giving teasing comments when the others start feeling the heat, so to speak. Some general description would've been nice, to make us find out how the guys felt during all these little upsets, and it would give the situation more gravity and staying power, instead of jumping from one act to another and trying to top the previous one.
schedule
January 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
the story is good, but you do notice that they're six, right?