First off, let me say that I expected to be traumatized by this fiction, as I have been with so many in the past. The summary was also something that was making me leery of trying it. But, I like the actors and show so I couldn’t resist. I was very pleasantly surprised by it! Good job with that as it doesn’t happen often with me, especially in this section of the archive!
There were a couple things I noticed though….
First one was this line…
I mean, sure the lines were right, but this was the WB not freakin’ HBO.
Actually, the show is on the CW not WB. I know it’s a nitpick but my brain seized upon it and wouldn’t let it go.
There were also some minor spelling and punctuation errors (I believe you misspelled Jared’s last name once) but not something that would detract from the overall reading experience, just something that, for me, my brain zeros in on. A beta would be most helpful in this area, giving it a good shine and polish.
The summary, though, might be something you want to improve. It doesn’t at all convey what the story is like and is rather off-putting. I know there is limited space to work with (I struggle with that every time I post a new one) but a rewording might help and make it to where it draws more into it!
However, the interaction between the two, the way you played it out, the tension… all wonderful! I was impressed and liked it very much! It went slow and at a believable pace. The way you went about easing them into it was something good as well. I liked it, and it was most original! The whole premise would make a wonderful fanfic for the show. Then there was the heat of the sex scenes… most impressive! I very much enjoy this!
In closing, thank you for a wonderful, entertaining read. I hope to see more from you soon!
Danyealle
PS sorry about the last one, forgot to log outta the mod account LMAO!