schedule
October 16, 2012 at 12:00 AM
While I adored the plot and the story itself, there were several things that threw off the enjoyment as I read it.
First thing I noticed is you tend to jumble up several people speaking in one paragraph. That makes an otherwise enjoyable fic very hard to read. Standard writing rule is that each time some speaks or you switch to another persons point of view, you switch paragraphs. That makes transitioning much easier on the reader and less confusing.
Next came the lack of comma use. Commas help to make the sentences easier to read and less confusing to try to figure out when it can be taken multiple ways by the reader without them. That includes it reading a way you probably didn't intend for it.
My suggestion to help these issue and give it some shine, that you find a beta that's willing to help you.
Overall, it's a good story that just needs a little work to shine to it and fix the errors. Good job and keep on writing!
First thing I noticed is you tend to jumble up several people speaking in one paragraph. That makes an otherwise enjoyable fic very hard to read. Standard writing rule is that each time some speaks or you switch to another persons point of view, you switch paragraphs. That makes transitioning much easier on the reader and less confusing.
Next came the lack of comma use. Commas help to make the sentences easier to read and less confusing to try to figure out when it can be taken multiple ways by the reader without them. That includes it reading a way you probably didn't intend for it.
My suggestion to help these issue and give it some shine, that you find a beta that's willing to help you.
Overall, it's a good story that just needs a little work to shine to it and fix the errors. Good job and keep on writing!