Enter Bandman

DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fiction, and has nothing to do with Avril Lavigne herself or the actual members of Sum 41. Don't want to get sued, dontcha know. Inspired by Ozzy Stillbourne's "Random Thoughts On Metallica's ICON show" article on Metal Sludge.

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Deryck looked at his watch. "She should be getting off stage by now."

Steve rubbed his hands together and licked his lips theatrically. "Well, gentlemen, I'm thinking we should go get some pussay. Are you guys in?"

Cone and Dave looked at them with a mixture of bemusement and hesitation. Sum 41 were in their dressing room following their performance at the MTV ICON: METALLICA show. The band had opened the show by unleashing a rapid-fire medley of "For Whom The Bell Tolls", "Enter Sandman", and "Master Of Puppets" to a seemingly favourable response. Now they were in their dressing room, still buzzing from their performance - Metallica, after all, were one of their fave bands - and searching for a way to celebrate. It was Steve, as might be expected, who hit on the idea that they were now contemplating.

"Avril? Are you high??" Cone had asked in disbelief. "Yeah, she's hot, but, um, couldn't we get arrested for doing this? I mean, she's only, like, 17, right?"

"Well, I suppose we're only like a couple years older than her," Dave piped up, stroking his chin.

SteveO was adamant. "Dude, come on. Every band fucks random sluts and groupies. But if you want to get up to Mötley Crüe standards, you gotta start doing celebrity chicks."

"Date? Maybe. But you're talking about, what, gang-banging Avril Lavigne?" Cone asked again. "I mean, you know, we just played a few Metallica songs with the amps up to 11. Maybe I'm not hearing you properly."

"Hey, c'mon, man! This is fuckin' rock 'n' roll!" shot back Steve. He finished his cup of beer and through the empty cup at Deryck. "Yo, what do you think, Der?"

Glancing through the door, Deryck suddenly waved a frantic hand at the guys. "SHHH!! Man, here she comes right now."

This news caused Steve to burst up and glance out the door over Deryck. Sure enough, down the hall, looking worn out after her performance, was Avril Lavigne. She had not been a particular big Metallica fan, but had nevertheless sang "Fuel". Steve didn't know what to make of that, but he knew that she was still more rock 'n' roll than most MTV chicks. For one thing, she wrote her own tunes. For another, he liked her attitude; punk, even if her music wasn't. And finally, she was just really beautiful; a real Canadian chick who looked a bit goth, a bit punk, but still somehow a small-town girl at heart. She was so much more than the average groupie. He was enraptured.

"Okay, dudes, it's now or never," he hissed as she made her way through the hall, closer to their dressing room door. He looked back inside. Deryck had taken a look at Avril and seemed suddenly more eager to partake in Steve's offer. Cone and Dave looked somewhat reluctant. But then, they both had steady girlfriends. Dave was getting married soon.

Dave noodled through an Yngwie Malmsteem run on his guitar. "Listen, guys, you know we can't really get involved with that. Why don't you guys go do it on your own?"

Cone gave them an encouraging Sum 41 salute - four fingers raised on his right hand, the middle finger on his left raised.

Deryck and Steve looked at their bandmates. "Rock 'n' Roll," SteveO said, and with that, they disappeared out the door, shadowing thier quarry.