Should the World Fail To Fall Apart

Title: Should the World Fail To Fall Apart
Author: chemical_muse
Pairing: Gerard Way/Mikey Way
Rating: This chapter - PG-13
Warnings: WAYCEST. Don't like that, don't read.
Summary: Mikey asks a question Gerard isn't sure he can answer.
Author's Note: The chapter titles are all songs by Peter Murphy. I've been listening to him non-stop lately, and for some weird reason it's inspired me to write Gerard/Mikey. No clue why.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

Chapter 1: The Weight of Love


"Gerard?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do people think this is wrong?"

It's the question I never want to hear, the one I wish he'd never ask me. I don't know what to tell him. I don't think it's wrong. Neither do the other guys in the band. But anybody other than people who know what we are to each other .... they wouldn't understand.

They don't see two people in love. They don't even see two gay guys. They just see two brothers. Two brothers doing something brothers shouldn't ever do.

But why shouldn't we? I love Mikey, and he loves me. What the fuck does it matter what other people think? Why shouldn't we be allowed to love each other openly and freely? I ask myself that all the time.

So many things about us would shock people if they knew. Even just what we're doing now. Laying in the bunk together, whispering to each other so we won't wake up the others. Maybe that in itself wouldn't raise any eyebrows. After all, we're two gay men. But add the fact in there that we're brothers, and suddenly we're sick and perverted and we'll burn in hell.

I turn over to look at him, raising my eyes to his. He's so adorable without his glasses. He looks even younger than he does when he's wearing them. Who would believe that he's almost twenty-five years old? He looks like a kid. Christ. Does that make me a fucking pedophile? Put together with the fact that I'm fucking my brother, that combination makes me Public Enemy Number One.

His eyes lock on mine the second I look at him. I can't look away. Why the fuck does he have to be so damn beautiful? It's not fucking right. Nobody should be able to take my breath away just by looking into my eyes. But then, it should be illegal to have a body like his too. I touch him and I forget the rest of the world exists.

I don't even remember when it started. Not the physical relationship; I can pinpoint that to the day, the hour, maybe even the fucking minute that I first kissed him. I knew from the second my lips touched his that Mikey was made for me. From that moment on, there was no turning back. Not for me. Or for him, either.

I mean my feelings for him. Yeah, he's always been my little brother. I've always looked out for him and tried to take care of him. When he was a little kid and he'd fall down and skin his knee, or when the kids at school had teased him and made him cry. I couldn't do anything then, because I wasn't the big bully kind of guy who could get them back. But I could hold Mikey and comfort him, and I always did. Maybe that's when the first feelings developed. I don't really know.

Does it really even matter? I don't care when exactly it was that those feelings of brotherly love, of wanting to protect him from the world, turned into something else. All that matters to me is that they're there, and they're real. It was a shock to the system the first time I realized how I felt, but after I started to accept it, I didn't want to lose those emotions. And when I found out that Mikey felt the same way, I promised him neither of us would ever lose that.

I shouldn't make promises I might not be able to keep.

For all I know, this isn't going to last. How do I know that we won't have a fight, some stupid little argument that'll be the end of the way we are now? I hope we won't, but fuck, I don't have a crystal ball. I can't predict the future. Either one of us could do or say something that'll make it all come crashing down.

He's looking at me with those eyes, those huge hazel eyes that are so much like mine, just a little lighter. God, he's so fucking trusting with me, thinking that I know everything even when I'm convinced I don't know shit. Maybe that's one of the reasons I love him so much, beyond the fact that my body is always so hungry for him that I can't go a single fucking day without touching him or making love to him.

I don't have the answer to his question. I could give him the old reel around the fountain about how the bible says it's wrong, and how people are brainwashed by society, blah blah blah. But in the end, there's no answer. People have their own reasons for thinking him and me together are "wrong." Reasons I don't give a shit about, because they don't mean anything to me.

Mikey opens his mouth to say something, probably to ask me the same question again. I don't want to hear it. I just press my finger against his lips. "Shhhh."

"But --"

"It doesn't matter, Mikey. It's not wrong to us. That's all we need to know."

He nods a little reluctantly, and I know that answer's not going to satisfy him forever. But for the time being, it will.

It's making me think, too. About things I don't want going through my head. Shit that I don't need to think about, because if I do, I'll end up questioning myself, my emotions and everything that means the most in my life. I don't want to do that. I don't want to look inside myself, because I'm not all that sure I'll like what I see.

"Let's just get some sleep, Mikey. We'll talk about it later, okay?"

Another nod, and he burrows against me, his too-thin arms wrapping around my waist. I almost want to lose myself in him, turn him over and bury myself in him again and again until he moans into the pillow. But I won't. His question more or less killed that mood for the night, anyway. Really, all I want to do right now is hold Mikey, fall asleep with him in my arms. I want to let his breathing lull me to sleep, drift off to dreamland with his thin, angular body pressed against mine.

I press a kiss against his forehead, murmuring into his ear. "I love you, Mikey. Night."

Only a few seconds before his sleepy voice answers me, his own voice barely a whisper in the darkness.

"Night, Gee. I love you too."

It only takes a few minutes for Mikey's breathing to become slow and even, and I know he's fallen asleep. But it's going to take longer than that for me to find peace in my own mind tonight. Too many questions that I don't have the answers to. My mind keeps going back to that one, and asking myself if I'm entirely sure that some part of me doesn't think it's wrong, too.

That's an answer I'm not ready to uncover.