Think Happy Thoughts

Title: Think Happy Thoughts
Author: SugarxSweetxPoison
Summary: When everything is done and said, sometimes you get left numb. When you think you've felt all you'll ever feel, oh how wrong you are.
Rating: PG13-NC17 *winks* if you had Frankie at your mercy, whatda ya think the rating would be?
Pairing(s): Frank Iero/OFC

Author’s notes: Hi everyone, I'm kinda new to this fanfic thing so please me kind. I'm head over heels in love with Frank Iero and My Chemical Romace has been one of my favorite bands since their first Cd came out so I decided to start this, obviously *nervous laugh* so please review and tell me what you think! Also any songs I use in this fic will be mine unless I indicate that they're not. I could careless if you steal my story but if you touch my lyrics, I will find a way to kill you *sweet smile* Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Ray and Bob. They all live in my dorm and I whore them out for money when I feel like sharing. Okay...not really. I own nothing and I'm extremely poor. The only thing I claim as mine is Val and my MCR CD's. Wow...it really hurts to admit this to myself...

-Prologue-

I couldn’t feel my toes. Fuck, my whole body was completely numb. I was just numb period. All I had ever wanted was just to be able to keep my feet on the ground but I was such a fuck up I couldn’t even do that.

I picked up the shot of Jack Daniels off the bar that I’d been staring at since I’d ordered it (which was around twenty minutes ago) and downed it in one gulp, wincing as the liquid burned its way down my throat into my stomach.

I honestly didn’t know where I was. One minute I’d been sitting in my apartment watching TV and feeling sorry for myself, the next I was just out the door walking, then running, until I’d stumbled into some seedy bar that made my stomach do flips.

The bartender that’d been staring at me since I’d arrived raised an eyebrow at me. I had to fight the urge to flip him the bird or tell him to fuck off.

“Another darling?” he asked me with a small smile.

I looked away and nodded. There was no need for pleasantries. I just wanted to get shit faced and pass out.

My life was one big cliché. I was the dark, depressed, fuck up sister that could never get anything right and was never happy with my two other perfect siblings Michelle and Craig. Michelle had always been beautiful and popular, loved and revered with her flawless looks and sugared giggle. Now she was in the middle of filming some stupid fucking teen drama for the WB and getting married to Mr. Perfect. Craig had always been the class president with straight A’s and in every sport and academic club you could think of. Now he was pulling straight A’s and in every fucking club Yale had to offer. Then there had always been me, never good enough, never pretty enough, just there. I was currently a college drop out doing secretary work at my best friend (and only friend at that) Nick’s small record label. No matter what you put it, I was stuck here in Coon Rapids, Minnesota for the rest of my life.

It wasn’t fair. All I’d ever wanted to do was something great. I wanted to write a novel and record a record, star in a movie, get political. It didn’t matter. I just wanted to do something with my life instead of pissing it away like I was. I didn’t have it in me to do something like that though. I was weak, unorganized, shy, too sensitive at times, too harsh at others. I cared far too much about the opinions of others to break free. I was destined to spend the rest of my days scribbling down song lyrics on scraps of paper and making up stories about the people I see on the street.

Mr. Bartender Man set another shot down in front of me and shot me a sad smile, “You alright sugar?”

I looked him right in the eye and scowled, “Fuck off.”

He laughed a little and shook his head, “Okay, you go right ahead and drink your troubles away.”

Trust me Mr. Bartender Man, I intend to.

With that thought, I downed the shot and let my head roll back to stare up at the ceiling.

God help me before I lose the battle against this lethal disease that is life.