Anniversary

Title: Anniversary (for 4seasons_rabu )
Author: violins_cry
Rating: R (For self-mutilation issues, etc etc)
Genre: Angst etc
Theme: I.15 river - Spring
Claiming: Gackt X Hyde
Pairing: Gakuhai
Disclaimer: I own no one in these fics… and it’s not fair!

Notes: If you can’t hack self-mutilation… And this chapter has character death... you've been warned.. ^_^

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I don’t want to die…

Brown eyes stared at the open wounds on his arm, blood flowing down his arm slowly, the glint of the knife in his hand catching in the warm sunlight and reflecting into his eyes. The only thing that was keeping him calm was the gentle rushing of the river he sat near; two ducks were teaching their ducklings to swim near the far bank. He used to bring his family down here for little picnics once a month, the memories he held here were precious…

Then why do this?

Hyde simply shrugged at the question his mind asked, knowing the reason for the agony he felt… But he didn’t want to die… Really… He just wanted to bleed away the pain.

“I miss you…” He whispered to the gentle wind that blew his hair around his face, a single tear falling from his eye.

He looked down at his lap, blood spots on the blue jeans he wore, blood on the grass beside him. Well… no doubt the blood would stain… oh well. It didn’t matter, not like they cost much.

“I miss both of you so much…” His voice caught in his throat as he spoke, his voice a broken sob.

It was a year since Megumi and their son had been killed in a horrific car crash. Both were killed on impact. That little fact was a comfort…. Save the fact that Hyde was in the car as well, trapped for hours, staring at the face of his dead wife and son, as he cried out for help. He blamed himself for the accident, since he was the driver, even after the accident had been looked into… and they found it wasn’t Hyde’s fault…but he still blamed himself.

More tears ran down his face as he dragged the sharp blade over his flesh again, wincing at the burning, stinging pain. He stared at the fresh wound as blood pooled and ran, joining with the rest and flowing slowly down his arm. Hyde felt a little better, not much but it’d be enough to deal for a while longer.

“Hy-kun? What are you doing?” Gackt’s smooth voice called from behind him.

Fuck…

He panicked, dropping the small blade into the grass and lent forwards, quickly washing off the blood as quickly as possible. His shirtsleeve was pulled down to cover his wounds as Gackt made his way down the little incline.

“Hyde?” The taller vocalist called again.

“Uh… nothing. Sorry… I wasn’t paying attention… I was thinking.” He replied quickly, getting to his feet, forcing a small smile to his face.

Please don’t touch my arm…Please don’t see the blade… or the blood…

“Are you okay?” A look of concern crossed Gackt’s brow. “Your face is so pale…”

Hyde forced another smile and nodded. “Yeah… I’ll be fine.”

Over the last year, Hyde had become distant from all his friends, unable to stop blaming himself for the accident. Almost everyone had given up. Everyone… except Gackt.

The taller man’s hand reached out and brushed some hair from Hyde’s face, running over the stubble on the shorter man’s face. “Ne, Haido. You need a shave.”

“I’ll do it later…” He mumbled a little, making his way up the incline towards Gackt’s car.

Gackt turned and followed the shorter man, walking quickly to catch up with him. “You shouldn’t be alone today Haido.”
He said gently, setting a hand on Hyde’s shoulder.

“I know… I just wanted to be alone… even for a few hours.” He smiled bitterly. “Even if people do think that’s a bad idea….”

They reached Gackt’s car, the taller man sliding into the front seat; Hyde paused for a few seconds before he slowly got into the passenger seat. He’d developed a phobia of being in cars since the accident; he couldn’t drive any more. Gackt had forced him to drive once, out of Tokyo in a quiet back road area. Hyde had ended up almost having a breakdown when the car slid a little on the loose gravel roads; Gackt ended up driving them home.

“Well, we all know what you’re like when you get depressed…” Gackt smiled across at his friend as he started the car.

“Yeah, I know…” He sighed softly.

~tbc~