You're happy, that's all that matters

A month later, October 25th

Gerard's P.O.V.
I made the rest of the arrangements and smiled to myself in the soothing darkness of my bunk. I had managed to persuade Brian into booking us all rooms in a hotel so we wouldn't have to get on the road straight after the Halloween show. It was going to be a damn fine show, too. I couldn't wait 'till Frank woke up so I could scurry down to his bunk and sneak in, giving him some of his birthday gifts early. Why wait? I thought and hopped off, slowly walking over to the end of the bus, towards the place where he slept. I heard his steady breathing and felt that familiar warm feeling in the pit of my stomach and around my heart. My shaky fingers pulled the curtain to reveal his pretty face, glazed with the serene, dreamless slumber.

His pucker lips were pressed together in a small pout as his hands rested beneath his cheeks and a small blanket was draped over his naked, tattoo scrawled stomach and my lips itched to kiss it, to trace every line of every drawing, to taste him.

I neared my fingers to his lips almost timidly and touched them, parting them slightly and finally giving in to my urges as I leaned down and kissed him softly, sucking on the bittersweet piece of metal in his lower lip. He stirred and smiled into the kiss making me wonder why God sent me this beautiful creature lying under me - to save me? I didn't know still - Frankie was the only person in this world to make my heart throb and burst one moment and race like crazy in another. All those feelings, they all came with him, they bloomed inside my heart, filling out the gaping void I used to hide there. Was I strong enough for those feelings, for him? Sometimes, the love and the hurt would be so overwhelming that I just had to get away, but today was not the case. I decided not to be weak today, for Frankie.

He stirred a bit and those pretty green eyes fluttered and then finally opened only to be staring into mine. It felt so good, so real, like it was meant to be, like I deserved it, but after what I had done, I wasn't so sure about that. His lips on mine chased away that nagging and by the time his tongue parted them to wash against my own with its sweet taste I was completely oblivious to everything. I slipped into his bunk and lay on top of him, kissing him, pecking his lips, the tip of his nose, his eyelids, his ears, neck, chest… Every inch I yearned to touch while he was asleep, I now was touching with an almost unearthly amount of pleasure.

He stifled a silenced moan, losing themselves in my mouth only made me more eager to feel him in this gloomy morning. We finally detached from each other, but I still stayed on top of him, straddling his tiny waist.

“Is it Christmas already>: He asked and smirked, pulling at the elastic of my sweatpants. I smirked back and shook my head with a playful grin reflecting his own, playing on my lips. His long eyelashes threw tiny cut shadows onto the rosy bumps of his cheeks. I kissed them.

“No, but it’s Halloween on the 31st, babe.” I whispered and neared his ear, moistening it with my hot breath. “And, I have such amazing presents for you.” I added and licked his earlobe, feeling him shiver with pleasure as his hips accidentally ground into mine. I laughed at this and shook my head the second time this morning. “Nuh-uh, Bob’s a light-sleeper and almost everyone’s up already.” I reasoned and bit into my lip thinking how everyone consisted of John, even though Mikey and ray were already claiming the coffee pot.

It seemed as though he understood and his face sank a little, showing off just how much his eyes has aged in these past few months. Was it the life on tour or was it just me? I kissed him again just so I wouldn’t have to look at the sad shadows in his loving orbs.

“I love you.” I said quietly, feeling the need for it to be said. He took my words with a smile, letting them drench the silence that fell on us It wasn’t the awkward silence – it was the kind when you simply enjoy the other’s presence. You just need to feel them with the both sides of your being – the physical and the emotional.

“I know, Gee.” He replied with a small smile, the one that made my heart throb uncontrollable. His fingers grazed over my cheekbone and to the jawbone, tracing the lines gently, slowly parting his lips as he neared them with his thumb. I let him kiss me as deeply as he wanted and then I slowly slid out of the bunk and made it towards the bathroom where I had an appointment with my nightmares.

I know, Gee.

You don’t. But that’s okay, love, because you’re happy now, you’re happy…

My heart sank as the door closed behind me.