Ryan

I decided to ignore my gut feeling and live my life. I played back up for some local bands under a false name. I even changed my appearance somewhat.


I dyed my hair blond and started wearing green tinted contacts. The guys I noticed found a sub for me. One night I was watching them in an interview.

The TV host smiled at them.

““So you are touring without Ryan Ross?

The guys would twist in their chairs.

Brendon answered his question, in fake good humor.

“Well, for now, but Ryan needs time to explore his inner self, to find him self.”

“I‘d like to find him.” Spencer added with an icy smile.

The TV host took this all in god humor as he expected they were doing.

“Let‘s hope Ryan is coming up with some good song ideas.” The TV host said smiling once more.

“We hope so too.” Brendon said smiling back.

The TV host smiled into the camera

“This has been “Music Now“, I‘d like to thank Panic At The Disco for dropping by.”

Brendon would stare into the camera; we would make false eye contact. It felt as if his eyes were penetrating my soul. ” I quickly turned off the tv.


My stomach started to boil and I felt sick, even though I escaped my past, I was still being confronted by it. The reoccurring nightmares that would wake me up leaving my body drenched in a cold sweat.


Then I think of Patrick, my heart goes out to him. I cringe at the thought of what they must have done to him, when they found me gone. I know it’s only a matter of time, before I find myself staring into Brendon’s brown eyes that have turned black from anger.


Oh God, Brendon will kill me! I know he will. And the other two, I know they will tear me apart, my body shaking, from fear and Spencer’s words ringing in my ears..

“I’d like to find him.”


I crumpled to the floor and there, I threw up.

The guys were leaving the studio.

Brendon was balling his right hand into a fist.

“Mark my words, Ryan will be found!” he told the other three.

“Do you think he was watching the show?” Jon asked.

“Oh yeah, definitely, Ryan has always had a bizarre curiosity. He knows there’s a part of him, that can’t keep away.”

They rode the rest of the way in silence.

Author’s notes: I saw them last Wednesday at the town square mall, they were awesome. So was The Cab. Wicked show!