Backstage Pass

"Open your eyes." a voice whispered from above me.

"Get off me you fucking incestuous lesbian!"

"Sheesh, I was trying to be sisterly. Ya know like back when we were kids, sharing a bed, and we'd just talk." Anna said with a pinch of anger.

"Where was I for all that stuff?"


I stumbled out of bed before she answered. I had no clue what had happened the night before. I obviously was hung over which obviously meant something bad happened the night before.

I splashed water on my face in an attempt to look like I might actually be awake for the first time in my life before 7:00 a.m. ...well physically I was..mentally no..good enough!


There was a faint tapping on the door which caused me to groan when I noticed Anna wasn't going to answer it. So I was stuck in my Blondie NYC cami set, opening the door.

"You rang."

It was Billie at the door holding a giant, brown bag under his right arm and a box with holes in it under his left. He quietly placed both objects on the floor and gathered a bunch of cut-up, poster boards from out of the paper bag. He held up the first one of the boards and it read-

"I know you don't want to me to talk to you.."

then he revealed the next one-

"...so I'm obeying and doing..."

then the next-

"this instead."

I cocked my head to side of unsure of what the hell he did to piss me off. All I knew was that I suddenly became pissed again for no reason.

"I promise that if you let me.."

"talk to you, I will think be-"

"fore I speak so I don't F@#$ up.."

"...again...I wasn't going to have.."

"sex with you're whore sis.."

"I was just trying to make her.."

"shut the F!@#ing hell up."

"Anyway, she isn't as.."

"sexy as you. I want us.."

"..to start over. If you do.."

"take me back I have some-"

"thing to start over with."


I already could tell by the packaging that the "something to start over with" was an animal. Billie picked up the box covered with many a holes and handed it to me with a serial
killer-esque smile that I guess was supposed to be a peace offering but it just kinda made me queasy, not that I cared really, I was getting a fucking pet!

The box was heavy. I was tempted to shake it but then decided I wanted a living pet not a shaken to death one even if it would be a fun story to tell my future grandchildren. What makes grandchildren so grand anyway?

"It's a puppy!!" I shouted.

"What is Les??" Anna said from inside the hotel room. I stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind. I nearly squeezed the poor little black pug to death. I was completely ignoring the giver of the precious puppy and planned on ignoring him for awhile after that cause that puppy was way cuter than him. Well, in some ways it ways cuter than him. It's not like I'm gonna do the 'dirty deed' to the puppy. I'm going to screw up my children enough, I don't need to wreck my poor puppy's life too. I need something sane in my house because I know that sane thing isn't going to be me.


"Do you really expect me to forgive you for what you did?" I asked not too sure of what he did myself. Billie lowered his head and shook it back and forth. "Not too bright then, huh?" I asked and continued with "You can talk now Mr. Romance."

"What?" He glanced up at me, looking like I had just woken him up.

I wrapped my free arm around Billie Joe's waist and asked "So, what are we going to name our baby?"