Dangerous Play
folder
J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop › D
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
20
Views:
2,598
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop › D
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
20
Views:
2,598
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction. Ergo: not real or factual. I do not know D (or any other jrock band) and I am not gaining profit from this!
Your Pain
Thanks to Asp for the use of their lyrics. This is fanfiction. Not real, not real-life (thank goodness) and for free~ Enjoy~
Dangerous Play
Chapter 10: Your Pain
"Feed me with your pain..."
"Well... sort of..." the short blond shifted uneasily, grimacing. "It was morning, I think... I was drunk... so.... it's not so clear..."
"You went to his place drunk?"
"Seriously?" asked Sin with curiosity. "Did anything happen?"
"No. Because I didn't go to his place, okay?" Ruiza snapped feeling trapped by Kisaki's tiny jealous glares, guilty and scared at the same time. "He said he was in a bind and I told him to fuck off."
"You didn't listen to him," Kisaki growled setting his guitar down none too gently.
"Well.... I figured he was just..." Ruiza sighed. "He's a big boy and if he's going to play in the big league, I sort of assumed he knew what he was into... whatever he's into... Besides... I am not his caretaker..."
"That is unfortunate..." Kisaki paused. He turned to the door. "Rehearsal is off," he said shortly. "I'm out."
"Hai, hai," Shion replied stoically, shooting Ruiza a stare. "I'll get your stuff packed and sent round to your apartment."
"Thanks." With that, Kisaki disappeared. "What's his problem?" asked Sin asked, still obviously clueless about the band's issues.
"Nothing much," Shion shook his head.
"You don't want to know," Ruiza said darkly. "It's his mess. He should clean it up..." Then, the blond stopped and looked guilty and sad and regretful at the same time. He wondered how much of a mess Asagi was in this time. He could have legitimately needed my help - and I just denigrated him further... Ruiza banged his head against the studio wall. Shion sighed in exasperation. "There's nothing you can do," Shion observed quietly.
"I know. But I pity him," Ruiza said obscurely and packed up quickly, ignoring Sin's pestering questions.
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Asagi... Letting the water boil by itself, he went back to check on his reluctant, now unconscious, lover. The tall man, securely wedged in the small tub, showed no signs of moving or drowning. Good. I'll get the bed made, finish the soup and wash him down. Put him in bed... and... oh yes! Water... Fetching some water, he tipped Asagi's head back carefully and let some water fall over the parched lips and throat. Asagi unconsciously responded - his body obviously needing the one thing he had been sorely lacking over the last day. Any longer, Kisaki thought with a chill, and he would have died. After giving Asagi two cups, he sat back and sighed. The vocalist would be safe for now, he felt. Which meant back to his self-imposed chores. He knew he would have to expect Ruiza at some point as well. Making the bed was easy - he had watched Asagi do it before. For some reason, the vocalist was very particular about clean sheets. Kisaki had thought it amusing and found that watching Asagi fuss over bedding created no small amount of amusement. By the time the bed was done (and the cat reinstalled on the newly spruced left pillow), the water was boiling. Reducing it to a simmer, Kisaki stirred in the short noodles and chicken spicing to make it a gentle broth for the sick man. Now that the bed and the soup was ready, Kisaki returned to the bathroom and, shifting Asagi a little, began to gently rub the pale skin clean. A few minutes later, Asagi stirred with a slight gasp - his eyes opened for a moment and then fluttered shut as he realized that he was not alone. Kisaki watched as memory slowly dawned on the vocalist - The silence between them became even more eloquent as Asagi avoided Kisaki's eyes. Kisaki wanted to apologize - but something told him - perhaps it was the hard stillness of Asagi's face - that the memory was too fresh. The words would be meaningless. So Kisaki said nothing. In silence, he finished cleaning Asagi. In silence, he helped Asagi limp to the bedroom, tightly wrapped in two robes. In silence, he tucked Asagi in. In silence, he served the soup, letting Asagi struggle to find the strength to lift his spoon. Helping the vocalist was out of the question. His pride is now in tatters... Asagi-kun needs to be independent right now... Kisaki smiled to himself. So cute... He thinks that he can go without me - but without me, he would be dead by now... and I think he knows it. Still, it perturbed Kisaki - the darkness in Asagi's eyes. It was as if the child inside had grown up rather suddenly. Distressingly fast - overnight - Asagi looked every bit his years and then some. To Kisaki, this was even more disturbing than the sores on Asagi's wrists or the bruises along his slim body. But... not a surprise.. they always lose their innocence in the end, Kisaki sighed. A shame... Without saying a word, Kisaki rose and found some bandages in the First Aid kit he had bought for Asagi after a week of sleeping together. Carefully, the bassist wrapped Asagi's wrists, one after the other, and gently clipped them - aware that any pressure on the raw bones would cause the vocalist more pain than necessary. "You don't have to do this," Asagi said softly. His free hand gently stroked the purring cat which snuggled up against him.
"I do," replied Kisaki simply. "You are my responsibility as much as you are my joy." Asagi hissed sharply as he drew his wrist away from Kisaki's grasp a little too roughly. With great interest, the bassist watched Asagi get himself under control. Leaning back, he hummed a little. "I left you a phone in order to avoid this. Why didn't you call a friend?"
"I did."
"And Ruiza-san told you to fuck off. I heard." Asagi blanched. Kisaki sighed. "Why didn't you call anyone else?"
"Who else would I be able to call - but you?" Asagi replied bitterly. "My parents? They wouldn't care if I died anonymously in a ditch. Ken-chan? He's got someone else now - and you'd kill him. Sin? He's got no experience with this... Shion? I'm not close enough with him to call him for something like that... Ruiza was my only option - and - well -"
"How sad -" Asagi bristled slightly. "- and pathetic," noted Kisaki distantly as if Asagi were some sort of bizarre science lab experiment. "You seriously are alone in this world. With no friends to speak of."
"I'm not a veteran in this world - and the circles that I have travelled in -"
"Probably don't give you the company you need," finished Kisaki, with an air of knowledge. "I know. Been there, done that. But, you know, life deals you with cards and its up to you to do what you can with them. What have you been doing? Hiding out in your apartment all your life? You're supposed to be getting out and making contacts!"
"I don't think anyone -"
"Don't tell me that you think you aren't good enough for that kind of thing," replied Kisaki sharply. "Any man would be happy to know you. Don't make me pet your ego for something like this." Asagi shrugged and idly spooned his broth over and over. Kisaki shook his head. "Sad, pathetic and with no sense of self. Kami.... You know - you aren't going to survive in the VK world if you don''t do something about this... There will be other times of crisis, you know – you think your cats are going to be the kinds of friends you can depend on?"
"Don't bring Mie and Donna into this," Asagi said through gritted teeth. "I was making contacts with an old friend but when I got back to my apartment, there was someone waiting to beat me and leave me alone to die in my apartment."
"Hanging out with old mates is all well and good," Kisaki sniffed, deciding to let the slurs go by. "But reliving the glory days, as it were, is not a good enough substitute for actually achieving something – like networking. Do you seriously want to go back to purple hair and bad tastes in costuming?"
"No."
"You are stubborn and hard-working. You will go far, Asagi," Kisaki nodded. "I can see the potential in you a mile off. But you aren't going to get anywhere if you don't start thinking for yourself. That includes putting yourself out there." By now, Asagi was visibly upset, his eyes filling with frustrated tears. Kisaki was giving him a talk. A talk! After - after - after... Closing his eyes, Asagi could feel it. That darkness he had seen in himself. The kind of thing that revelled in others pain - in his own pain... It was disgusting and nauseating and he repudiated it. But sitting beside the man, listening to Kisaki's voice, he could feel it calling out to him... And somehow – I'm supposed to feel confident about who I am and be a networking genius and have a billion friends to rely on... When Kisaki took his leave, Asagi said goodbye - clearly happy that his tormentor was leaving him alone for a while. But after the tall bassist left, Asagi felt the silence even more. He didn't need Kisaki or Ruiza to tell him what a loser-freak he was. He could hear himself say it over and over again in his head.
-0-0-0-
"Oh. Not at all..." Asagi said quickly and overly-politely.
"I just wanted to apologize for what I said to you."
"Oh?"
"Over the phone," the blond clarified and looked at the taller red-haired man anxiously. Asagi nodded with a small smile. "It's okay, Ruiza-san."
"No. No, it isn't. I'd never say that to other people. And Kami knows that I was so out of my mind that I wasn't thinking about how you felt or anything. Lately, it's been a little too stressful, you know. I tell myself I want this - I want success - but once it's in my lap, I freak. And I just can't cope like some people... and yesterday, I was just... you know... flapping my tongue uselessly..."
"You were honest," Asagi said softly, cutting past Ruiza's blabbing. "It helped me realize what a fool I was."
"No. Asagi. That was - just... it was unfair of me. You are nothing like that..."
"Hm. But it was true, nevertheless..." Ruiza opened his mouth to protest - but catching sight of Asagi's serene eyes - he fell silent. There was something in those eyes that seemed to be hiding something, but Ruiza knew better than to probe. Goodness knew that the man had enough on his plate as it was. Kisaki was no doubt somewhere around - and just remembering his own acerbic cutting words the day before made him wince. No doubt the last thing he wants to see is the man who left him to die apologize... The more he sat there in uncomfortable silence, the more Ruiza felt the helpless sadness of the whole situation take over him. Asagi would never be the same, he was sure. No man could be. And Kisaki was to blame. He, Ruiza, was to blame. And of course, Asagi himself was to blame. A bad mixture, I guess, sighed Ruiza to himself. "I guess, I better go and let you get back to resting... and everything before we start the, um, PV..."
"I appreciate you coming," Asagi replied, his eyes inscrutable as always.
"Uh... yeah... no problem. The least I could do..." Ruiza waved his hand at a small basket he had set unthinking on the nightstand next to the bed.. "Some fruit and get well wishes... from all of us."
"Thank you."
"Okay. Well..." Ruiza bit his lip. "I'm sorry - I -"
"It is nothing to worry over," Asagi said smoothly. "Just make sure the door is securely shut before you leave, thanks." Ruiza flinched at the coldness emanating from the vocalist. Well... fuck... that's awkward. The two men stared at each other before Ruiza broke away with a nod. "Sure." It was enough to make a man cry, the guitarist thought. He left the silent apartment, found a bar and got solidly drunk on that thought.
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