Lucky Girl

"Has she eaten today?" Marie asked me.

I shook my head. "She hasn't for almost a week. She's never going to get better."

Marie was close to tears, shit so was I. Ever since Sabrina had heard the news that a woman had been found dead. She had become depressed, not eating, barely speaking, sleeping most of the time. I had also discovered she had doubled up on her pain medication. The pills were almost gone and they were supposed to last another week. Dr. Fielding, Marie and I had discussed this, he had agreed not to give Sabrina anything stronger that Tylenol, from now on. He was worried she would become dependent on the pills. I could understand that completely. I had expected Sabrina to be furious and yell at us but she had just rolled over and ignored us.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Marie. "What about the therapist? Should we try again?" She asked.

Sabrina had totally ignored the Gina, the therapist that Dr. Fielding had recommended. Gina had said this was normal and that she would be back in a few days. But I was really worried, she needed to eat. I picked up the tray with the bowl of soup and the chocolate pudding on it. "She's going to eat this if I have to shove it down her throat." I said walking towards her room.

Sally McCabe. That was her name. She was 23, she worked at a day-care, helped animals and was recently engaged. I had seen Sally's fiancée on the news, crying and heart broken. They were high school sweethearts and had been together since they were 15. I wanted to cry for her, but I couldn't. I don't know why but I couldn't cry anymore. All I wanted to do was sleep. When I slept, everything was the way it was before. In my dreams I was happy and I could feel. I couldn't feel anymore. I was just numb, in my head and in my heart. Maybe he had killed my soul, and my body was hanging around now without my spirit to let me feel.

"Sabrina? I brought your lunch." I heard Rob say. He sounded very far away, almost like he was in another room.

"Sabrina?"

Why did he keep calling me? He knows that I can't get up and go to him. I put a pillow over my head. A second later it was snatched off. I lifted my head up to look at him.

"Sit up and eat." He said firmly.

I shook my head and closed my eyes again.

"Sabrina please eat." He said sitting beside be on the bed.

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled into the mattress. Why was he still here? Why hadn't he flown back to L.A. or London or where the fuck he came from?

"Sabrina you need to eat. Don't you want to get better?" He asked me.

Sally would never get better. She would never taste ripe strawberries or savour a piece of pumpkin pie again. Why should I get too? I tried to will myself back to sleep, to escape the numbness I felt.

"Sabrina! Get up now!"

She wasn't listening to me. How could I make her understand she needed to eat? That's it, I said to myself. I was sick of this, I knew she had reasons to cry or to complain. But she had survived and I wasn't going to let her kill herself now. I grabbed her by her shoulders, turned her onto her back and sat her up. She didn't fight me, but tried to lay back down.

"No. You are eating this fucking food, if I have to feed it to you." I said pulling her up into my arms. I was as careful as I could be. Dr. Fielding had removed the stiches two days ago, and he said the intestine should be fine but to limit her actions. I carried her to the washroom sat her in the bath tub and turned the shower on full blast. I didn't set it to freezing cold, but it was cold enough. For the first time in a week I saw a spark of Sabrina.

"What the fuck? Rob you asshole." She tried to reach to turn the water off, but I pushed her back down. I was soaking wet too, but I barely noticed.

"Are you going to sit up and eat your lunch?" I asked her.

She glared at me and pushed her hair out of her eyes. "Fine I'll eat. Just let me out of here."

I helped her up and handed her a robe. She started to undo her pyjama shirt and stopped, staring at me.

"I'll just wait out here." I said leaving her alone to change.

She came out in her bright pink robe, and sat on the edge of the bed. I set up the tray on a small folding table and sat down to watch her eat. She ate slowly at first, as if she didn't really want to eat, then she wolfed down the rest.

"Would you like more?" I asked her. She nodded her head and started eating the pudding. I found Marie in the kitchen, she looked at the empty bowl and hugged me.

"Thank God." She said.

"Are you sure you are up for this?" Rob asked me again as the car stopped.

"Yes. I need to do this." Dr. Fielding had finally cleared me to normal activities, although no strenuous activities allowed. I stared at the flowers in my lap, while I waited for Shortie to open the door. I got out and looked around. The sky was bright blue with no clouds in it. The trees were blowing in a gentle wind, bright flowers lined the pathway.

"Its this way." Rob said looking at the paper in his hand. He kept his arm around my waist as he led me along the path. I could hear Shortie walking up the path behind us. As we walked I thought about the events of the last week. I had seen Gina everyday, I really liked her and I was able to talk to her. I don't know if it was helping me but it was easier to tell her things then my Mom or Rob. Yesterday had been bad. I had spent four hours with Gina. I had been eating breakfast with Robbie in the dining room when Det. Albis called. Another girl had been murdered. I had felt the numbness returning but Robbie had called Gina and she had rushed over and spent the morning out in the backyard with me.

"It should be right over here." Robbie said looking around, reading the names.

I walked towards a big tree and saw her name. I bent over and traced her name with my fingers. "I don't know why it happen, Sally. I'm so sorry it did. I am going to do my best to see that this guy is caught and pays for what he's done to us." I sat on the ground beside the headstone. "I brought you some flowers. I hope you like pink roses." I placed the flowers on her grave and started to tell her about my life. When I had run out of things to say I stood up and started to leave. Robbie and Shortie were standing by the path waiting for me. I turned to look at her name one last time. "I won't waste my second chance Sally."