Alchemy
folder
My Chemical Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
4,111
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
My Chemical Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
4,111
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Crucify
Title: Alchemy, Part 12: Crucify
Author: ChemicalMuse
Pairing: Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Gerard thinks back on the past 24 hours.
Author's Note: This is in Gerard's POV, 1st person.
Ugh. Fuck. What I am doing here? It's not our bus. The guys in the Used are sitting around bleary-eyed and I woke up in one of the bunks they don't use.
It's the middle of the fucking night. 3 am. The significance of that time strikes me, for some weird reason.
"It's 3 am, I must be lonely ...."
I haven't heard that fucking song in ages. Now's not a real good time for it to pop into my head.
Yeah. I kind of stumble to the front of the bus, smiling a little and waving at the guys as I leave. I need to be alone. I need to think.
Shit. I need to forget about everything I did tonight. It's all coming back to me and I want to cringe away from it. But I can't.
I was fucking drunk. So drunk I should've been passed out somewhere instead of running around creating havoc. But being drunk isn't an excuse. Not even close.
It's not an excuse for hitting my little brother. And raping the guy I love.
I can't walk any more. All I can do is find the nearest dark corner and crawl into it, my hands over my eyes. Like doing that could keep the tears from coming.
I've never hit Mikey before. Even when we were kids and we'd argue about something, I never went that far. I've always known he was too fragile to deal with that. Fragile from the inside out.
Mikey's always been kind of like a little porcelain doll. Shake him too hard, and he'd crack, then those cracks would slowly get wider and he'd shatter into pieces. I've seen it happen. I've seen ex-lovers hurt him so bad that it took a long time for him to pick up all the pieces and put them back together.
I've always hated everybody who's hurt him. I've always been there for him. I've always been the one to pick him up when he fell, to hold him when he cried. I've always been his big brother. I've always tried to protect him from getting hurt.
And tonight .... I was the one who hurt him.
I'll never forget the look in his eyes when I hit him the first time. Like he couldn't believe I'd done it. I couldn't believe it either. But once I did, I couldn't stop. It was like some sickness that had to pour out.
He didn't even try to stop me. He just whimpered and cowered away from me, trying to cover his face with his arms. That's when I grabbed his wrists. Grabbed them and squeezed. His wrists are so tiny, so thin. I could almost feel the bones caving in.
That's what made me stop. Not his crying, not the whispered words begging me not to hurt him. But the knowing that I was going to hurt him, a lot worse than just hitting him. At that moment, I wanted to kill him.
All I could think was that he'd fucked Frankie. That he'd taken something that was mine. My little brother, having something I wanted.
I hate myself for that. For all of it. Not just for hurting Mikey, but for hating him. For wanting to make him suffer.
I'd raised my hand to hit him again, and he just dropped his arms and looked up at me. Those huge dark eyes wet with tears. His glasses had fallen off in his lap. I hope I didn't break them.
That's what killed me. The look on his face, in his eyes. I've never raised a hand to him in his life. It's like his trust in me died. I couldn't stand to see that.
I feel like I lost my brother tonight, and I'll never get him back.
And Frankie. My angel, my beautiful angel. There aren't any words for what I did to him.
Frankie doesn't have to hate me. I hate myself enough for both of us. For all three of us.
I'm a monster.
Author: ChemicalMuse
Pairing: Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Gerard thinks back on the past 24 hours.
Author's Note: This is in Gerard's POV, 1st person.
Ugh. Fuck. What I am doing here? It's not our bus. The guys in the Used are sitting around bleary-eyed and I woke up in one of the bunks they don't use.
It's the middle of the fucking night. 3 am. The significance of that time strikes me, for some weird reason.
"It's 3 am, I must be lonely ...."
I haven't heard that fucking song in ages. Now's not a real good time for it to pop into my head.
Yeah. I kind of stumble to the front of the bus, smiling a little and waving at the guys as I leave. I need to be alone. I need to think.
Shit. I need to forget about everything I did tonight. It's all coming back to me and I want to cringe away from it. But I can't.
I was fucking drunk. So drunk I should've been passed out somewhere instead of running around creating havoc. But being drunk isn't an excuse. Not even close.
It's not an excuse for hitting my little brother. And raping the guy I love.
I can't walk any more. All I can do is find the nearest dark corner and crawl into it, my hands over my eyes. Like doing that could keep the tears from coming.
I've never hit Mikey before. Even when we were kids and we'd argue about something, I never went that far. I've always known he was too fragile to deal with that. Fragile from the inside out.
Mikey's always been kind of like a little porcelain doll. Shake him too hard, and he'd crack, then those cracks would slowly get wider and he'd shatter into pieces. I've seen it happen. I've seen ex-lovers hurt him so bad that it took a long time for him to pick up all the pieces and put them back together.
I've always hated everybody who's hurt him. I've always been there for him. I've always been the one to pick him up when he fell, to hold him when he cried. I've always been his big brother. I've always tried to protect him from getting hurt.
And tonight .... I was the one who hurt him.
I'll never forget the look in his eyes when I hit him the first time. Like he couldn't believe I'd done it. I couldn't believe it either. But once I did, I couldn't stop. It was like some sickness that had to pour out.
He didn't even try to stop me. He just whimpered and cowered away from me, trying to cover his face with his arms. That's when I grabbed his wrists. Grabbed them and squeezed. His wrists are so tiny, so thin. I could almost feel the bones caving in.
That's what made me stop. Not his crying, not the whispered words begging me not to hurt him. But the knowing that I was going to hurt him, a lot worse than just hitting him. At that moment, I wanted to kill him.
All I could think was that he'd fucked Frankie. That he'd taken something that was mine. My little brother, having something I wanted.
I hate myself for that. For all of it. Not just for hurting Mikey, but for hating him. For wanting to make him suffer.
I'd raised my hand to hit him again, and he just dropped his arms and looked up at me. Those huge dark eyes wet with tears. His glasses had fallen off in his lap. I hope I didn't break them.
That's what killed me. The look on his face, in his eyes. I've never raised a hand to him in his life. It's like his trust in me died. I couldn't stand to see that.
I feel like I lost my brother tonight, and I'll never get him back.
And Frankie. My angel, my beautiful angel. There aren't any words for what I did to him.
Frankie doesn't have to hate me. I hate myself enough for both of us. For all three of us.
I'm a monster.