The Secret

Ellie dialled the number, her mind racing. She told herself to stay calm, think clearly. She closed her eyes and tried to focus. Guilt was washing over her and at one point she almost put the receiver down.

‘Hello?’ Pete answered. He sounded harassed and she could hear Sam in the background, crying.

‘Pete, it’s me. What’s wrong with Sam?’ Her maternal instinct had kicked in at the sound of her child’s’ cry.

‘Ellie, thank god. You didn’t call last night, I was worried. Sam’s OK, she was trying to tip cereal over the floor so I took it off her. Sam…come here Sam, it’s Mummy, come and say Hi to Mummy…’ He called to Sam and Ellie could hear her walking to the ‘phone.

‘Hello Mummy…’ Sam came on the ‘phone. She was a quiet, serious child and Ellie was so pleased to hear her voice she felt tears start to run down her face. She was missing her.

‘Hi, Sam sweetie… how are you?’ Ellie wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled as she listened to her little girl.

‘I can’t find Dooby Doo…’ Sam’s voice was quiet and a little sad.

‘Oh dear. Have you looked in your toy box? Ask Daddy to help you find him Ok? I love you sweetie, put Daddy back on.’ Ellie smiled again.

Scooby Doo was Sam’s favourite cuddly toy and she usually dragged him around by his ear. An image of Sam doing just that sprung into her mind and Ellie cried again.

‘Ellie, are you OK?’ Pete’s voice sounded concerned.

‘I’m fine. Just missing Sam, that’s all.’ Ellie smiled and wiped her tears on her sleeve.

‘She’s missing you. We both are, Ellie.’ Pete sounded sincere and Ellie felt a huge wave of guilt that she pushed back, reminding herself why she was here in the first place.

‘How are you?’ She asked him. She didn’t really know what to say to him and it felt awkward.

‘Ok… I’m Ok. I want you to come home, Ellie. But I know you feel you have to do this so… Anyway, how’s Poppy?’ Pete tried to sound cheerful, interested.

Ellie paused and bit her lip. ‘Poppy’s fine. She has to work this week so I’m going to do some sight seeing while she’s busy, spend some time thinking. I will call you again in a couple of days OK?’

‘Sure…whatever you think. Bye then.’ He put the phone down and she knew he was unhappy.

Ellie replaced the receiver and put her head in her hands, trying to make sense of the jumble of emotions running through her head. Things were bad enough before but now she had to add the guilt of infidelity to the list and it was weighing heavily on her. And as she was talking to Pete, another realisation had hit her and she was scared of facing it.

‘Everything OK?’ Alan had been watching her from across the room and although he couldn’t hear the conversation he could see it had been painful, difficult.

‘No, everything is not OK. I am doing a bad thing, Alan and I don’t feel good about myself.’ Ellie looked at him and her eyes were full of mixed emotions.

‘You can change your mind, Ellie you don’t have to stay. If you need to go home, then do that. You have a child who needs you and you are married. Surely that’s worth fighting for?’ His looked at her, his eyes full of compassion. He was trying to be selfless, even though he didn’t want to let her go, not today or any day.

Ellie stood up and walked towards him, put her arms around his waist and pulled him to her, looking up into his kind face.

‘You are an incredible man. You’re right, of course. I should go home, I should be there now, trying to salvage my marriage, what’s left of it. I know that and I am missing Sam so much it hurts.’

Tears sprang into Ellie’s eyes as she fought the rising emotion inside her.

‘The reason that I feel so bad and so guilty is because I know what I should do; I know how I should feel. But I want to stay here, with you. It’s selfish of me, I know it is.’

Ellie was crying. Huge salty tears were running down her face uncontrollably and she gulped, trying to catch her breath.

‘I think I’m in love with you….’ She whispered it, not looking at him.

He looked down at her and his heart sank. He knew it was the truth and that it would be messy. But he knew it was too late.

‘I’m in love with you too, Ellie.’ He spoke quietly and seriously, and she looked up at him with sad eyes, a small smile on her lips.

‘That’s not good, is it?’ She shrugged herself out of his arms and walked over to the sofa, sitting and staring into the open fireplace.

‘Well, it’s certainly not what I was expecting to happen this week, that’s for sure.’

He walked over to her and sat beside her, taking her hand in his.

‘You do have a choice, Ellie. And it is your choice; it’s up to you what you do. You can go home, leave now. Or, we can just accept that we have one week that will be ours, no one else’s. No one needs to know, it will be our secret. We won’t say anything to anyone, not ever. But we will know and we will have it, always.’

She looked at him, her eyes still swimming with tears. He was so handsome and so wonderful to be with, she couldn’t bear to let him go, not yet.

‘I want to stay…’ She whispered.

‘One week, then?’ He smiled at her.

‘One week.’ She smiled at him and he pulled her into a huge hug.