Alchemy
folder
My Chemical Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
4,112
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
My Chemical Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
4,112
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
I See Monsters
Title: Alchemy, Part 13: I See Monsters
Author: ChemicalMuse
Pairing: Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Gerard's regretting what he's done.
Author's Note: Another one from Gerard's POV.
I don't want to remember it. But I do. Every second. It's burned into my mind like a brand. Like a nicotine stain that won't ever go away.
The worst thing is .... there was this amazing sense of freedom. The feeling that I was justified and there weren't going to be any consequences. Ha. That's a laugh. If I really thought that, then I was way past drunk.
How the FUCK could I have done that? How could I have even thought about doing it? I love Frankie. He's my angel. If I'd found out anybody had hurt him, I would fucking hunt them down and kill them.
Makes me wish I could kill myself. But that's not really an option, is it?
I can't sit here all night. I've got to get back to our bus. I'm torn between wanting Frankie to be there, so I can get down on my knees and beg him to forgive me, and praying that he won't be there. Because I can't face him. I can't stand to see the hurt in his eyes when he looks at me.
Like the way he looked at me when I turned him around and stared at him before I walked away. I killed something in him tonight. I killed whatever he felt for me. I know I did.
I've pushed away the only person I've ever really loved. I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. This is your life, Gerard Way. Your fucked-up, pathetic life. The life you did a royally good job of ripping to pieces your own damn self. Nobody did it for you.
I don't know when I got up and started walking. But there's our bus, the wrong side of it. I don't want to remember what happened there. I don't want to look too closely. But I do.
I can see the marks where Frankie's nails clawed at the paint when I .... fuck. What possessed me? How could I have hurt him like that?
I don't want to go in. A part of me wants him to be there. Wants to collapse at his feet, beg him to forgive me, cry in his arms. I want to fall asleep beside him, swear that I'll never drink again, that I'll never do anything like that again. Swear that I'll never hurt him again.
And a part of me wants to run like hell.
Don't be such a pussy, Gerard. Get your ass on the fucking bus. You've got to face Frankie sometime.
I breathe a sigh of relief. He's not there. Unless .... unless he's in our bunk. No, I can see the open curtain from here. He's not there. Not in the back, either. OK, now I'm starting to worry about him.
Mikey's here. His is the only bunk with the curtains pulled shut. I almost pull them back. I want to wake him up, tell him I'm sorry, try to make amends. But I don't. I can talk to him tomorrow, after we've both slept. Everything's always easier in the cold light of day.
I close the bathroom door quietly so I won't wake Mikey, and turn on the little light. I look like hell. Bloodshot eyes, red-rimmed from the crying I've been doing. I look like a guy who's been to hell and back.
Only I haven't come back. What I did to the two people I love the most bought me a one-way trip to hell, and there's no return ticket. I'm going to be burning a damn good while. And I fucking deserve every second of it.
Mikey's glasses are sitting there on the small counter. Good, at least I didn't break them. I was worried about that. He's so nearsighted without them. Hard to believe there could be anything wrong with those gorgeous eyes.
I bet he doesn't even realize he left his glasses in the bathroom. I'll just set them back in his bunk, on the ledge. I can do that without waking him up. I just want to get a look at Mikey, make sure he's okay.
I know he's not okay. I want to get a look at him to ease my own damn conscience.
It's only a few steps to his bunk. I can pull back the curtain, set his glasses on the ledge, and get a good look at my sleeping baby brother. That's it. Then I can go to sleep in the bunk right across from his, and hopefully I'll wake up before he does and I can beg him to forgive me.
Holy shit. I'm frozen. I can't move. For a second I think I'm hallucinating. But I'm not.
Frankie's in bed with Mikey. They're asleep in each other's arms.
I don't know whether to be relieved that they're both safe, or to run away and cry.
Author: ChemicalMuse
Pairing: Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Gerard's regretting what he's done.
Author's Note: Another one from Gerard's POV.
I don't want to remember it. But I do. Every second. It's burned into my mind like a brand. Like a nicotine stain that won't ever go away.
The worst thing is .... there was this amazing sense of freedom. The feeling that I was justified and there weren't going to be any consequences. Ha. That's a laugh. If I really thought that, then I was way past drunk.
How the FUCK could I have done that? How could I have even thought about doing it? I love Frankie. He's my angel. If I'd found out anybody had hurt him, I would fucking hunt them down and kill them.
Makes me wish I could kill myself. But that's not really an option, is it?
I can't sit here all night. I've got to get back to our bus. I'm torn between wanting Frankie to be there, so I can get down on my knees and beg him to forgive me, and praying that he won't be there. Because I can't face him. I can't stand to see the hurt in his eyes when he looks at me.
Like the way he looked at me when I turned him around and stared at him before I walked away. I killed something in him tonight. I killed whatever he felt for me. I know I did.
I've pushed away the only person I've ever really loved. I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. This is your life, Gerard Way. Your fucked-up, pathetic life. The life you did a royally good job of ripping to pieces your own damn self. Nobody did it for you.
I don't know when I got up and started walking. But there's our bus, the wrong side of it. I don't want to remember what happened there. I don't want to look too closely. But I do.
I can see the marks where Frankie's nails clawed at the paint when I .... fuck. What possessed me? How could I have hurt him like that?
I don't want to go in. A part of me wants him to be there. Wants to collapse at his feet, beg him to forgive me, cry in his arms. I want to fall asleep beside him, swear that I'll never drink again, that I'll never do anything like that again. Swear that I'll never hurt him again.
And a part of me wants to run like hell.
Don't be such a pussy, Gerard. Get your ass on the fucking bus. You've got to face Frankie sometime.
I breathe a sigh of relief. He's not there. Unless .... unless he's in our bunk. No, I can see the open curtain from here. He's not there. Not in the back, either. OK, now I'm starting to worry about him.
Mikey's here. His is the only bunk with the curtains pulled shut. I almost pull them back. I want to wake him up, tell him I'm sorry, try to make amends. But I don't. I can talk to him tomorrow, after we've both slept. Everything's always easier in the cold light of day.
I close the bathroom door quietly so I won't wake Mikey, and turn on the little light. I look like hell. Bloodshot eyes, red-rimmed from the crying I've been doing. I look like a guy who's been to hell and back.
Only I haven't come back. What I did to the two people I love the most bought me a one-way trip to hell, and there's no return ticket. I'm going to be burning a damn good while. And I fucking deserve every second of it.
Mikey's glasses are sitting there on the small counter. Good, at least I didn't break them. I was worried about that. He's so nearsighted without them. Hard to believe there could be anything wrong with those gorgeous eyes.
I bet he doesn't even realize he left his glasses in the bathroom. I'll just set them back in his bunk, on the ledge. I can do that without waking him up. I just want to get a look at Mikey, make sure he's okay.
I know he's not okay. I want to get a look at him to ease my own damn conscience.
It's only a few steps to his bunk. I can pull back the curtain, set his glasses on the ledge, and get a good look at my sleeping baby brother. That's it. Then I can go to sleep in the bunk right across from his, and hopefully I'll wake up before he does and I can beg him to forgive me.
Holy shit. I'm frozen. I can't move. For a second I think I'm hallucinating. But I'm not.
Frankie's in bed with Mikey. They're asleep in each other's arms.
I don't know whether to be relieved that they're both safe, or to run away and cry.