Not So Broken Dreams

POV-Kelly


"So is this what would of happened last time on the plane if it hadn't of crashed?"
"No, I was starting to write you a note back but then.." I then pointed to the ground signaling the crash.
"You know I love you right Kel Kel?"
"Yeah, it's just I think you love Adie too."
"Nope. I'm afraid not."
"Right, well, I better go back to my seat cowboy."


I stood up and walked back to my seat to be greeted warmly by Ewan. "Who was that?" he asked."That is my husband." I said proudly. Billie turned around to look at me with a huge grin on his face."Ah, so you worked your little jam out, eh?" Ewan seemed disappointed.
"Yep."
"Hell yeah we did!" Billie Joe shouted a little too loudly. "Sorry." he whispered as he noticed all the people looking at him.
"Let the people watch their crappy movie in peace!" I said jokingly.


The plane landed safely, thank god. I walked out arm and arm with Billie out of the airport gate. "Hold on. I've got to make a call." I handed Billie Joe Carrie and pulled out my cell phone."Hey mom! Turns out everything is ok! So I'm not going to be visiting. Ok, love you too. Bye." I hit end to finish the call and started walking off to get on a new flight.


We purchased tickets back to Oakland and boarded almost immediately. That flight went as smoothly as the last. We were finally back home. I stopped in the door way and cringed. I had made a vow to never return there. I had an eerie feeling about the place like something would go wrong. I gripped my nails into the doorway to stop myself from walking in. "I can't do this." I whispered. "What do you mean.?" Billie Joe asked.
"You fucked her didn't you?"
"Why are you starting with this again?"
"You did didn't you?"
"Please calm down. Let me put Carrie in her crib so we can sit down and talk about this."


I walked over to my black car and sat in it ready to drive off. I had a feeling that went deeper then just doubts. I knew he had cheated. I wasn't sure when but I knew it had happened. "Why did you believe him?" STUPID FUCKER!! LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCT!! It's always been right." I was rocking back and forth trying to decide whether to gun it and run or to stay and hear his side.


"Look strong, act strong, be strong. Don't let him see your weakness. He could use it against you. He will use it against." Then Billie ran out of the house and up to my car. He knocked on the window. I wiped the tears away and breathed in. I unlocked the passenger door and turned the other way knowing that if I looked at him, into his eyes, I'd give in.


He sat down and placed a hand on my upper thigh. I smacked it off angrily without even looking. "I didn't cheat, ever."
"Don't fuck with me I'm not stupid"
"I know your not. Your just a little confused that's all."
"I'm not confused either. I know you cheated."
"Please just listen."
"Why when I know your just going to lie to me?"
"I'm not lying."
"Fine. I've gotta go."
"Where?"
"Away from here."
"Why??"
"Just admit it please. It would make this a lot easier."


Billie was silent. I took that as a ' Yes I did cheat.' and put the keys into the ignition. "Wait! I didn't cheat with Adie."
"So then who?"
"Tre." I felt ill. I thought it would of been with Adrienne never Tre, never a man at all.
"It was one drunken night after a show. We weren't married. I just let things get a little out of hand."


I turned around to reveal my mascara stained cheeks and screamed "A little??". "I didn't mean for it to happen I swear!."
"Get the hell out of my car!"
"What about Carrie?" I stopped and thought about it. What about Carrie. I wanted to get Billie out of my life completely and I sure as hell wouldn't have the money to give her a life even close to what Billie could give her. It crushed me but I knew I had to let her go.


"You can give her more than I can." I mumbled. "No! Your serious aren't you?? Fuck...please no, please!"
"Get out of my car please."
"PLEASE! It was only one time."
"Get put of my car." Billie finally obliged. I threw my already packed suitcase into the backseat and drove off.

POV-Billie Joe

"What the hell?? Why did I do it??" I asked myself that every second of everyday. Time passed by slowly. An hour inched by and turned it to twenty-four, a day crept by and changed to months, those months evaporated like my tears and became years. Carrie was growing up and was a spitting image of my lost love. It scared me to death seeing the red locks, porcelain skin, and warm smile that used to comfort me now haunt me.


I was a horrible father to Carrie. I kept to myself and only did the necessary things like feed her because I couldn't handle looking at her. She was Kelly. They had the same personality even. "You don't talk about mom much." Carrie was seven now and wise beyond her years, just like Kelly. "What happened between the two of you?"
"Nothing. Just eat your grilled cheeses."
"Seriously, what happened?"
"I was stupid."
"Oh, what did she look like?"
"You, only she had different eyes."
"What were her eyes like?"
"A really dark hazel."
"Oh, was she smart?"
"Yes."
"Did she love me?"
"Yes. She didn't want to leave you but had to."
"Why did you have to be stupid?"
"I don't know. I ask myself that everyday."


Carrie skipped over to me and hugged me tightly. "I can tell you miss her. Do you still love her?"
"Yeah."
"Sorry I keep asking questions. I bet it hurts you to answer them."
"Just a little."


Then the phone rang. I hated when it did that. My heart would skip a beat and I would always think maybe, just maybe, it was Kelly. Carrie answered it sounding cheery and cuter than ever. "Hello? Just one second please." She put her hand over the reciever and said "Its for you. Some woman named Ann." I gasped and snatched the phone from her.


"Hello?"
"Hi Billie. I'm afraid I have some bad news."
"Oh, God, what?"
"Kelly was in an accident." I nearly collapsed just from hearing her name said aloud.
"What happened?"
"She was in a car with her boyfriend who was driving and they hit a tree." Boyfriend. That son of a bitch.
"Is she ok? Who am I kidding you wouldn't be calling me of all people if she was ok."
"She may be paralyzed from the hips down."
"Fuck."
"Was he drunk?"
"Nope. He's fine though. Barely any scratches. He admitted that he was trying to kill both of them."
"Why?"
"They were in a fight."
"Over what?"
"You."


I couldn't believe it. I had caused all of that. She may be paralyzed because of me. "Is there anything I can do?" I asked wanting to help for selfish reasons.
"No, she's unconscious and has been for about a week now."
"Would it be alright if I came to visit her?"
"I don't know if your the person she wants to see when she wakes up."
"I understand. What was the fight about I mean, how was I involved?"
"He was abusive. She had thought about going back to you and told him. He told her that you wouldn't ever want her back. It just escalated from there."
"Please let me visit her. I just want to see her. I don't have to see her when she's awake even."
"Alright. She looks a lot different now."
"I can only imagine. What is she now 26?"
"Yep. What are you 42?"
"Somewhere around there.."
"I can't imagine you that age. You always seemed so young. I bet you still do."
"Thanks and ugh..I'll be there in like a day or so."