Playing With Fire

++++++++++



Kelly frowned as she dug through her bag for her ticket. Her cell phone crossed her eye, and she felt sick. Three weeks and no word from Carrie. Her pride was still getting the better of her. She took in a sharp breath as an unexpected chill ran down her spine. Kelly looked around nervously, wondering what had caused it, but found nothing out of the ordinary. Her hand finally landed on the ticket and she handed it to the waiting lady who then smiled and led her on board. She was boarded last and in first class so as to not cause too big of a disturbance. Kelly smiled out the plane window giving France a silent farewell.



Carrie stepped off the plane and into the French airport. The hairs on the back of her neck instantly stood up. She took a steadying breath, not sure what had caused the sudden butterfly attack in her stomach. But just as soon as it had come, it was gone again. She pinched the bridge of her nose, attributing it all to stress. She then started to look around for her welcoming party.



+++++++++



Kelly took a step away from the microphone as the music ended.



"Kelly," the voice came in through the speaker. "Ok, now that was good. It was...well...perfect."



She frowned, "I know, and I'm sorry. I'm just not there, you know?"



"Can you tell me why you wanted to rerecord this? I mean, the original recording sounds great."



"Yea, but it's not right. I mean, you heard it on tour. It was just," she searched for a proper word to describe it, "magical."



"But, you should know by now, that the majority of times it will be more powerful live. It's hard to capture that in a studio."



"Can we try something?" she asked.



"Definitely."



"Take away all the music, except the lead acoustic guitar. Just completely strip down till like we had it on tour."



"Just for now?"



"Um, no. I'd actually like to keep it that way."



"Ok," the producer agreed. "How about you take a five minute break, go try to find that place of yours, and meet me back here. We'll turn down the lights get you a mic stand and stool, and we'll just completely strip it down, sound good?"



"Yea, the only problem is I have no idea how to get there."



"Just step outside a minute," he suggested. "Go clear your head for a bit."



Kelly nodded, leaving the sound booth and the recording studio. She took out her phone, flipping it over and over in her hand. She truly didn't know what to do anymore. She just felt so lost and alone, and it had been three and a half weeks with not so much as a text from Carrie. Kelly bit her bottom lip, flipping open her phone. Her fingers trembled as she scrolled through the address book, selecting Carrie's number. She hit options, and her finger wavered between two choices: Call or Delete.



Her thumb went back and forth, as unsure as she was. Finally, she made her decision, and decided that she would stick with it because there truly was no turning back now.



++++++++



Kelly walked back into the studio in a completely different place than when she had left it. The soundboard operator opened his mouth to greet her, but shut it when he saw the look in her eyes. He had seen that look once before, and that was when she recorded "Sober".



She sat on the stool that was waiting for her and adjusted the mic stand to the proper height. She had discarded her shoes at the door, wanting to feel as comfortable as possible because she knew that the only way she would be able to go there would be if she could completely let her defenses down. The lights slowly dimmed as she placed the earphones on her ears. Her eyes closed, thinking back to what had happened outside.



Kelly had hit the call button. She had decided to take the chance and do something she had never done before--she was going to let Carrie all the way in. Unfortunately, the operator informed her that the number that she had dialed was no longer available.



The guitar started strumming in her ears and her eyes remained closed as she breathed in the music. She took a breath, and let everything out.



"For all I know, you could be near.

And every breath I take you could feel.

For all I know, you're just a thought that crossed my mind.

What I wouldn't give...to live that thought of mine."



Her eyes closed tighter, as she felt her heart slowly tearing apart. She would have given anything at that moment to have that blonde in her arms once more.



"For all I know, nothing has changed.

Nothing ever will if I don't leave this place.

For all I know, you're waiting for me to whisper your name.

What I wouldn't give to kiss your sweet face."



Her hands were turning white as she clung to the microphone for dear life as the memory of their one morning together washed over her.



"Cause all I know,

Is I need you here.

All I have I gave away cause I was too afraid to feel.

All I feared, all I tried so hard to not feel

is killing me.



For all I know, you've forgotten me."



That thought alone scared the crap out of her. She couldn't help but think of how Carrie had already moved on and had marked off what they had shared as simple curiosity.



"For all I know, you're different completely.

And everything we had was never what I thought it was.

But for all I know, oh it was love."



The silent tears started to fall as realization hit her of how much that small town girl from Oklahoma had truly meant to her.



"Cause all I know,

Is I need you here.

All I have I gave away cause I was too afraid to feel.

All I feared, all I tried so hard to not feel

is killing me."



She felt her heart completely rip open as the tears began to pour, and she fought with all she had to control the shakiness of her voice.



"Now everyone has your name,

and every face always somehow looks the same.

I always feel so alone, especially when it rains--

For all I know,

Girl you'd do the sa-ame--ye-ah--"



Kelly's eyes were clenched tightly closed as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She had to do everything she could to make it through the song with out her voice cracking as she pushed past her limits.



"Yea, I didn't know,

that I need you here.

And all I had, I gave away cause I was too afraid to feel.

All I feel, all I try so hard to not feel

Is killing me...is killing me.



All I know

All I know

For all I know."



The music faded and the studio was left in a dead silence except for the sound of Kelly's quiet sobs. The producers and sound mixers were left in awe, each of them realizing that they had just witnessed a major event in music history, and that the song on the recording reel in front of them was nothing short of a blessing from God as many of them were left in tears of their own.



Kelly was thankful for the darkness as she pushed the mic away and cried until it was impossible to cry anymore.