Alchemy
folder
My Chemical Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
4,113
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
My Chemical Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
4,113
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Tear in Your Hand
Title: Alchemy, Part 14: Tear in Your Hand
Author: ChemicalMuse
Pairing: Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Gerard makes some hard decisions.
Author's Note: Gerard's POV again.
I put Mikey's glasses on the ledge by his bunk with a shaking hand and sink down near the end of the bunk, looking at them. I can feel tears gathering in my eyes, and I have to blink to keep them back.
The two of them look like they belong together. The way Frankie's head is resting on Mikey's chest, the way they're clinging to each other. Did we ever look like that? I don't think so. I love Frankie more than anything, but we've always looked like an odd couple.
I know he's never felt the same way about me as I do about him. Oh, I don't doubt that he loves me. Frankie would never lie about something like that. But he's not in love with me. There's a world of difference between the two.
I wanted him from the first time I saw him. And being me, I always find a way to get what I want. I went after him. I wasn't an asshole about it, but I always made sure he knew I was interested. And I'm ashamed to admit it .... but I played on his insecurities.
I know Frankie's terrified of being alone. Not being alone for a night, or something like that. Being alone for the rest of his life. He's the kind of person who can't deal with the feeling of not being loved.
He needs somebody. And I was selfish enough to make sure I was that person.
If I'm honest with myself, I've always known he wasn't in love with me. It was enough for me that he cared enough to be with me, that there was a kind of love there. But it's not enough to keep us together.
Not when he's always loved Mikey.
Frankie thought he was keeping it from me. He never said anything, and neither did I. I knew he didn't want to hurt me, and knowing that he was so sensitive and cared about my feelings so much just made me love him more. I never said anything, because I didn't want to hurt him by being the one to bring it up.
We were both trying not to hurt each other. And this is what it's come to.
I've tried so hard to be what he needs. But I can't. I'm not the right person for Frankie. I'm in love with him. I always will be. But he's not happy, not in the way he should be. I can't make him happy. I know he loves me, and he's tried to be happy with me. But there's something missing with us.
I love Frankie enough to let him go. I love him enough to want him to be happy and be with somebody he loves .... even if it's not me.
And I'll always have a part of him. We'll always be there for each other. Frankie and I aren't just lovers, we're friends. That part of what we have will never die.
I don't know if that can be enough. But it has to be.
I know this is going to hurt for a hell of a long time. It's going to be damn hard to look at him without feeling regret, to see him with Mikey and not want to cry. But I have to let him go. I've more or less made him a prisoner. Mikey sets him free.
I just hope they can both forgive me for what I've done to them. I've pushed the boy I love and my brother so far away from me that I'm scared I won't ever be able to get either one of them back. I've never felt so alone.
But this is the only way I know how to make amends. By doing what I've always known I should have done, but I was way too fucking selfish to admit to myself.
This is going to hurt for a long time. Maybe forever. But I know in my heart it's the right thing to do. It's the best thing for Frankie.
And maybe .... just maybe .... for myself.
Author: ChemicalMuse
Pairing: Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Gerard makes some hard decisions.
Author's Note: Gerard's POV again.
I put Mikey's glasses on the ledge by his bunk with a shaking hand and sink down near the end of the bunk, looking at them. I can feel tears gathering in my eyes, and I have to blink to keep them back.
The two of them look like they belong together. The way Frankie's head is resting on Mikey's chest, the way they're clinging to each other. Did we ever look like that? I don't think so. I love Frankie more than anything, but we've always looked like an odd couple.
I know he's never felt the same way about me as I do about him. Oh, I don't doubt that he loves me. Frankie would never lie about something like that. But he's not in love with me. There's a world of difference between the two.
I wanted him from the first time I saw him. And being me, I always find a way to get what I want. I went after him. I wasn't an asshole about it, but I always made sure he knew I was interested. And I'm ashamed to admit it .... but I played on his insecurities.
I know Frankie's terrified of being alone. Not being alone for a night, or something like that. Being alone for the rest of his life. He's the kind of person who can't deal with the feeling of not being loved.
He needs somebody. And I was selfish enough to make sure I was that person.
If I'm honest with myself, I've always known he wasn't in love with me. It was enough for me that he cared enough to be with me, that there was a kind of love there. But it's not enough to keep us together.
Not when he's always loved Mikey.
Frankie thought he was keeping it from me. He never said anything, and neither did I. I knew he didn't want to hurt me, and knowing that he was so sensitive and cared about my feelings so much just made me love him more. I never said anything, because I didn't want to hurt him by being the one to bring it up.
We were both trying not to hurt each other. And this is what it's come to.
I've tried so hard to be what he needs. But I can't. I'm not the right person for Frankie. I'm in love with him. I always will be. But he's not happy, not in the way he should be. I can't make him happy. I know he loves me, and he's tried to be happy with me. But there's something missing with us.
I love Frankie enough to let him go. I love him enough to want him to be happy and be with somebody he loves .... even if it's not me.
And I'll always have a part of him. We'll always be there for each other. Frankie and I aren't just lovers, we're friends. That part of what we have will never die.
I don't know if that can be enough. But it has to be.
I know this is going to hurt for a hell of a long time. It's going to be damn hard to look at him without feeling regret, to see him with Mikey and not want to cry. But I have to let him go. I've more or less made him a prisoner. Mikey sets him free.
I just hope they can both forgive me for what I've done to them. I've pushed the boy I love and my brother so far away from me that I'm scared I won't ever be able to get either one of them back. I've never felt so alone.
But this is the only way I know how to make amends. By doing what I've always known I should have done, but I was way too fucking selfish to admit to myself.
This is going to hurt for a long time. Maybe forever. But I know in my heart it's the right thing to do. It's the best thing for Frankie.
And maybe .... just maybe .... for myself.