New Beginnings

Tora slowly opened his eyes, blinking back bone crushing fatigue and sleep. He looked around the unfamilar room, shots of fear running through him. Slowly, the past few days harrowing events came to him, and he smiled broadly.

He sat up quickly, too quickly, hands shooting up to clutch at his head, eyes squinting shut. Doubling over on the bed, a harsh hiss escaped his lips before he managed to get ahold of himself. He took several deep breaths before opening his eyes. The world no longer spun wildly, so he carefully swung his legs over the side of the bed and got to his feet. Someone had dropped his duffel bag at the foot of the bed. He changed clothes and ran a brush through his fine, dark hair.


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"DOn't go yet. Please, have something to eat."

"No, I must go before he wakes. I don't... it might be too much for him to see me here, like this."

"Like what? Like you've spent the night before? Is that what you're afraid of?"

Tsukasa's head shot up. "I think he's awake." He grabbed his coat and stepped quickly towards the door. Hakuei followed him, grabbing his arm. He leaned down and kissed the shorter man, then stepped back. Tsukasa looked up at him a moment, his emotions mixed, then quickly disapeared down the steps.


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Tora heard a door close somewhere nearby and he tossed his brush back into his bag. With a final look in the mirror, he stepped out into the long hallway. Eyes taking in every detail around him, he quietly made his way past several other closed doors and through the living room. A tall man, whom he was pretty sure was the bartender from last night, crossed the kitchen and sat down at a small table. He looked up as Tora cautiously approached and smiled warmly.

"Good morning," the tattooed man said. "Would you like some breakfast?" He gestured to the makings of a sandwich on the table.

Tora shook his head, "No thank you," and took a seat beside the other man.

"Coffee then? Or tea?"

"Coffee's fine."

The taller man nodded and retrieved a mug, pouring him a decent amount and setting it before the younger man.

"I'm Hakuei, by the way." he said, extending one hand.

The young man smiled and shook the offered hand. "Tora."

Hakuei's smile faultered slightly. "I know."

Tora nodded, though he really didn't understand just how he knew his name. He took a sip of the luke-warm coffee, tried not to wrinkle his nose and set it back down.

"Where.. exactly am I?"

"Above the bar," Hakuei said, taking a bite of his sandwich. "My father is Yoshiki, the owner of the bar. He and I live in this apartment above it."

"I'm sorry to have imposed on both of you like this. I remember your father fondly, though I do not remember you."

"I've only recently moved back here from the United States." Hakuei took a sip of his own coffee. "Besides, Tsukasa asked, so I did it as a favor to him."

"Oh?" Tora leaned back in his chair, surprised. "You know Tsukasa?"

Hakuei wiped his mouth with a napkin. "But of course; he's my boyfriend."

Glass shattered and Hakuei's head snapped up. Tora's pale face stared at him, eyes wide, for a very long moment, then suddenly went beet red as he suddenly realized what he'd done.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry!" he gasped as the coffee began to trickle over the edge of the table and onto the floor.

Hakuei jumped up and grabbed a wash rag. "It's ok, just an accident." He began mopping up the spilled liquid between the broken glass. "It was a cheap mug anyway." He gingerly picked up the pieces, carefully placing them in the trash can, then tossed the dirty rag in the sink.

"Kirito's coming over in about an hour or so." Hakuei said, sitting back down at the table. "He's offered to let you stay with them until you find a place of your own."

"They?" Tora asked, his head snapping up.

"Kirito shares a flat with Bou and Toshiya just a block over." He stood, placing his empty cup in the sink. "Well, I have to get ready to leave as soon as Kirito comes for you." He looked down at the other man, inclining his head slightly, then turned away.

Tora nodded and watched as the tall man disappeared down the hall. He looked down at his hands, only now noticing he'd been clenching his fists tight enough to make his fingers ache. He slowly opened his hands, blood-red marks showing up on his palms were sharp nails had dug into his tender skin. He narrowed his eyes, then got up, moving swiftly towards Yoshiki's bedroom.


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"Toshiya had to go out of town for a couple of days," Kirito said over his shoulder as he led them down the hall, "but I already called him and he said you were more than welcome to use his room until he returns."

"Thank you very much." Tora said as he followed the other man into the first room on the right. "You're all are too kind." He set his bag on the bed and smiled. "You certainly have a nice place."

Kirito shrugged. "It works well for us." He smiled slightly, propping on hand on his hip. "Well, I have to open up the bar soon, we serve lunch and dinner well before people come just to drink the night away. But Bou's around here somewhere." They walked back into the hallway. "This is the bathroom," he indicated the next door farther down the hall, "and then the bedroom Bou and I share, which also has a bathroom." He looked at the other man over like a specamin in a glass jar. "You.. certainly have changed."

Tora's smiled faultered slightly until Kirito ruffled his dark hair.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way, boy-child." the older man grinned. "It's good to have you back."


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Bou peeked his head into the room, mischevious eyes falling on the figure laying on his stomach on the futon. Very quietly the little man tiptoed inside, then with a mighty leap he pounced on the bed.

Tora squeeked in surprise, heart leaping in his chest as the smaller man giggled insanely beside him. He closed his journal with a snap and stuffed it into his duffelbag beside the bed. Thin arms wrapped around him as Bou hugged him fiercly.

"Ohaiyo gozaimasu, Tora-kun!" the blonde cried, grinning broadly.

Tora swallowed hard and managed to extridite himself from the other man's arms. "Ohaiyo, Bou-kun. I see you are doing well."

"That I am!" Bou folded his legs under him and cocked his blonde head to one side. "I work at the bar, come home to my koi and sometimes play a little msuic with my friends." he grinned broadly, small eyes squiting under silver and blue eyeshadow. "Life is good."

Tora nodded and smiled warmly with his bubbley friend. "I gathered that you and Kirito were still together."

"Hai! For, well, just about 5 years now." His eyes went wide in sudden realization. "Wow... that's a long time..." he shook his head. "Anyway, the reason I'm here! A bunch of us are planning on driving down to the beach for a swim, maybe stay for the sunset. It's so pretty there!" His small eyes danced. "Wanna come?"

Tora couldn't help but giggle at the other's overflowing enthusiasm. "Sure, I'll come along." He smiled, patting the smaller man on the head. "Silly Bou, as bubblely as ever." Then he paused, a slight from on his face. "But I have nothing to swim in."

Bou waved one hot pink painted hand and hopped up off the futon. "Don't worry, I'm sure someone will have an extra suit for you to borrow." He paused at the door and grinned broadly. "They'll be arriving soon." He sqeeled and bounced in place. "Oh! We're all together again, just about! It's so exciting!"

Tora waited until the other man left, then retrieved his book, running his hand tenderly over the leather binding.

"Only one person matters...."


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Tsukasa took the stairs two at a time, arms pumping, a large plastic bag clutched in one hand. He paused at the door, heart beating heavy in his chest, then walked in. His eyes settled on the young man looking up at him from his curled up position on the couch.

"Tsukasa!" the other man cried and jumped up, embracing the other man with such force that he nearly knocked him off his feet.

"Hello, Tora." Tsukasa said holding the man close. They stood there several long moments, reveling in the feel of the other, absent for so long. Finally, Tora pulled back, smiling broadly.

"For awhile there," he murmured, one hand coming up to stroke Tsukasa's smooth cheek, "I didn't believe I'd ever get the chance to see you again."

Tsukasa's eyes drifted closed as he leaned into that forgotten touch. He felt another hand play with the hem of his ratty old t-shirt, gently lifting it to tease the soft skin just above his pants.

"Tsukasa....." Tora's murmured. "Hakuei told me... is he really your lover?"

The other man's eyes flew open, his blood running cold in his veins. "I..." he tried to form words, but his mouth no longer seems to remember how. Just then, they could hear footsteps coming up the staircase. Tsukasa stumbled backwards several steps as Hakuei walked in.

"Good morning Tsukasa, Tora." The tattooed man smiled and slipped out of his sandles. "Have the others arrived?"

Tsukasa flushed furiously, unable to meet his either man in the eye. He marched past Tora and flopped down on the couch.

"Rose has a few errands to run, so he's going to pick up Kiyoharu and meet us there. All we're waiting on now is Kisaki."

Hakuei joined the younger man on the couch, crossing his legs. "I thought he would have roidden over with you?"

"Uh, he also had a few errands to run, but he should be here soon."

"Ah, well, at least I know I wasn't late." The older man leaned back and took in a deep breath. "Too bad Kirito and Hide have to work. It's such a nice day out."


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Tsukasa parked and the others climbed out. He took a moment to put up his shiny new dashboard sunvisor, then joined the others at the trunk, hauling their picnic basket, towels and giant umbrella out of the car. Burdens gathered, they trooped out onto the sand in search of a good spot down the beach, not too close to the water's edge, but not so far away that they had to walk through a mile of hot sand.

Bou spread out several large towels for them to sit on as Hakuei and Kisaki fought with the giant umbrella, angling it in the sand so they could get as much shade from it as possible. A cell phone chirped, a high pitched, fast paced pop song and Bou dug through his bag to answer it. After a couple of moments, he was snapped it closed with a grin.

"Kiyo and Rose are almost here." He giggled behind his hand. "They took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up too far down the beach." He ran back up to the parking lot, eyes searching the street farther beyond. Suddenly, he began jumping up and down, waving his thin arms in the air. A couple of minutes later, three blondes trudged down to their little beach party, arms loaded down with beach paraphenalia.

"Kiyoharu, I'd like you to meet Tora." Bou said, introducing the two for the first time. "He's an old classmate of Tsukasa's"

Kiyoharu, who had already been filled in by Rose as to the nature of Tora's past, inclined his head and dropped his burdens to the sand.

"And you remember Rose, right?" The two men nodded and Bou clapped in excitement. He peeled off his shirt, flinging it carelessly under the umbrella and took off towards the water. "Last one in's a rotten egg!" He called over his shoulder.

"Oi, Bou, you promised Kirito you'd remember to wear sunscreen!" Kisaki cried, racing after the pale blonde. "You'll fry yourself in five minutes!"

Kiyoharu's face fell into a frown, though he did remove his own t-shirt, as well.

"Do I really have to swinm?" he grumbled. "Can't I just... soak in some sun or something?"

Rose grinned and shook his head form side to side. He dug out a small boombox from his bag, pushed play and set it beside the umbrella, his hips swaying to the heavy bass of the popular hip-hop song blaring from it's speakers. He grapped the hem of his shirt and slowly proceeded to peel it up and over his lean torso. He kept his arms suspended above his head a moment, tall, lithe body swaying to the beat, then dropped the shirt to the ground. With a sensual, cat-like grace, Rose grabbed ahold of Kiyoharu's hands, pulling him gradually towards the water.

"Come on, you big baby," he murmured, arms coming up to encircle the shorter man's neck. "I'll be sure to make it worth your while."

Tsukasa grinned and tossed a plastic bag towards Tora. "Here's those swimming trunks you needed to borrow." He said. "There's also an extra towel in there." He pointed a little farther down the beach. "That shower house should be open for you to change in there. But be careful if you go in their later to wash off. The lightings bad and you can't hardly see a thing."

Tora inclined his head and took off. As soon as he was a good distance away, Tsukasa whipped around to his lover, who was just starting to slather his heavily tattooed arms with sunscreen.

"Why did you have to tell him about us?"

"What?" Hakuei eyed him through furrowed brows, but continued his task. "You weren't going to try and hide our relationship from him, were you?" His mouth twitched slightly. "Besides, what good would that have done him? He's your ex lover."

"Of course I wasn't going to try to hide it!" the younger man hissed, face red. "But you certainly didn't have to spring it on him first thing in the morning! He'd come a long way to find me, after five years, only to be told that I'm sleeping with someone else. That's not exactly what I would want to hear, if I were him."

"But it's the truth, isn't it?"Hakuei dropped the bottle of lotion onto the blanket between them. "I just didn't want him to get the wrong idea, that's all."

"You still could have at least given him a little time to breathe before shoving something like that in his face." Tsukasa shook his head in digust. "I just can't believe you'd be so cruel."

"Cruel?!" Hakuei threw his hands up in defeat. "Fine! If it bothers you so much that your ex-boyfriend now knows you have a new boyfriend, why don't we just rectify this right now." He stood, arms crossed, regarding the other man with cool eyes. "How about you just go tell him that it was all a big mistake and that you're free now. Does that make you feel better?" Eyes blazing, he spun on his heels and marched towards the others merrily playing in the salty surf, not even noticing when he almost knocked into another young man heading their way.

Tsukasa's legs gave out and he sank to his knees, stunned. He burried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking as Hakuei's angry words echoed in his ears.

"Tsukasa, what's wrong??"

The young man looked up, face flushed and streaked with tears. He hastily tried to wipe as much away as he could, as Tora knelt on the sand beside him.

"I'm ok, it's... nothing." He forced a small smile. "Hakuei and I... I think... we just, well, we're taking a bit of a break in our relationship, I think." He cleared his throat. "I'm sure we'll figure something out..." his voice grew small, "one way or another."

Tora's eyes drifted out to the water's edge, narrowing briefly, then turned back to the other man. He plucked the bottle of lotion from the ground and handed it to Tsukasa. "Would you mind?"

Tsukasa smiled and took the bottle as Tora shed his shirt, folding it neatly at their feet. His eyes went wide as he gazed upon his old friend.

"You..certainly have changed over the years." He said and began spreading lotion over the other's back and shoulders. "How much have you lost?"

"Just over 29 kilograms." Tora murmered, eyes closing. "Mmhhhmm... I've sure missed your massages." He pushed slightly against Tsukasa's hands, craving deeper contact.

As Tsukasa's hands traveled all over Tora's back and shoulders, then arms and chest, he couldn't help but remember better times years ago, with his lover, when that same skin felt so new under his young, naive hands.

A few minutes later, Tora plucked the bottle from the ground again and pulled at Tsukasa's shirt. He complied, stripping off the thin garment and turned away from the other man. After a brief moment, he felt gentle fingers gliding lightly down his spine, leaving a cool lotion trail, then work across his back.

Tora worked silently, taking his time to work at the tense muscles in Tsukasa's shoulders, smiling as the other man began to relax under his soothing touches. He worked his way down, adding more lotion when needed, until he came to Tsukasa's waist. After a slight hesitation, his slipped his fingers just barely beneath the waistband of his swimming shorts, caressing the smooth skin across his hipbones.

Tsukasa's eyes flew open, but before he could say anything, Tora's hands retreated back up his spine, one hand moving across his arms.

"You have alot of scars." Tora whispered, his other hand tracing the stark white ridges under his fingertips. "You must have been in pain for a long time."

Tsukasa trembled slightly, trying to keep his breathing even and calm. "Of anyone... you would know all too well."

Tora leaned forward, his breath warm against Tsukasa's ear.

"Come, swim with me."


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The phone hanging on the wall rang and rang, insistant, urgent. But the apartment stayed quiet, devoid of life. It kept ringing, crying out for someone, anyone, but no one came. After several long moments, it stopped, and once again the apartment lapsed into silance.


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Yoshiki grabbed his coat off the rack and made his way through the living room. Bending down he slipped into his shoes, fingers working on the thin laces when his cellphone rang. He set his bag on the floor, stood and flipped open his phone.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Good, I found you." Came a relieved voice from the other end. "This is Dr. Ishikawa. I have news about your little late night visitor."

"AH, Doctor, thank you for calling." He said, grateful his old friend was able to learn something. "What were you able to find out?"

The voice on the other end sighed. "Tora-kun's little traveling adventure was apparently against his doctor's wishes, for starters."

Strong arms quietly encircled Yoshiki's waist from behind, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Is he.. sicker than we thought?"

"In a sense, yes, though what's wrong with him is not something that's going to just go away." Papers rustled as the doctor opened a file. on his desk. "While Tsukasa-kun's injuries from the incident five years ago were mostly external, resulting in deep scarring on his back and shoulder's, Tora's own injuries were more internally focused. From all reports, Tsukasa had tried to protect Tora in the beginning by throwing himself over his friend, thus taking on a good majority of the blows across this own body. But at some point he passed out and either fell away or was pushed away. That's when Tora recieved numerous blows to his head."

"Brain damage." Yoshiki whispered, his body tensing in fear.

"Yes. According to his doctor, Tora's been in and out of hospitals ever since that night. He almost constantly suffers from dizziness, severe migraines and blurred vision." The doctor sighed again. "He doesn't just faint on occassion, Yoshiki-san, he blacks out. Given any number of normal situations, in his condition, one of those spells could easily turn fatal."

"This is awful." Yoshiki muttered, leaning back against Atsushi's embrace, his unoccupied hand coming up to rub his temples. "I better call Hakuei as soon as possible. The boys were all supposed to go down to the beach this afternoon." he sighed heavily. "How were you able to get all this information, or do I not want to know?"

The voice on the other end chuckled slightly. "No, nothing like that. Though technically I really shouldn't be sharing it with you, I thought the possiblility of not telling you would be more dangerous then not. No, I convinced his old doctor to transfer Tora to me as my patient, since it seems he'll be staying here for awhile."

"Well, I do appreciate your letting me know." Yoshiki paused. "Is there... anything you can do for him?"

Dr. Ishikawa coughed slightly. "I'm afraid not much. His injuries have caused permanent swelling in his brain that every day gets worse and worse. Over time, maybe we might be able to do something to aleviate his pain, and thats why I'm going to continue his previous doctors tests here, but really.... No."

The blonde man nodded, not realizing the other man could not actually see him. "Thank you for your honesty, doctor."

"Your welcome. Make sure Tora gets that prescipton filled as soon as possible and have him come see me in a day or so, ok?"

"I'll pass along the message, Goodbye."

Yoshiki closed his phone, then leaned his head back, eyes closing wearily. Atsushi squeezed him slightly and the blonde man's hand came up to stroke his lover's cheek.

"Nothing in life is ever easy," he asked quietly, "is it?"


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Bou squeeled as Hakuei picked up the smaller man and tossed him butt-first into the waves crashing around their waists. Kisaki grinned and trudged his water-logged body up onto the beach, collapsing breathless on the dry towels. After a moment he sat up on his elbows and watched his friends play in the surf like little children.

Hakuei tackled the tiny blonde again, tickling him until tears streamed down Bou's laughing face. A little further down the beach, Kiyoharu, Tora, Rose and Tsukasa were slowly swimming along the bank with snorkels, occasionally popping up to show the others some interesting new find. A small pile of colorful rocks and shells littered the sand where the four men tossed their treasures to shore.

Kisaki had noticed the tension between Hakuei and Tsukasa, a quiet anger building around them, with neither man speaking to the other unless absolutely necessary. It bothered the redhead, but he figured that whatever it was would just have to work out eventually between them. Besides, he was pretty sure he knew what, or who really, was the source of the sudden strain on their relationship, and he really wasn't sure exactly how he felt about that.

He leaned back, eyes drifting closed, when a odd, robotic sound wafted through the music blaring from Rose's cd player. He sat up, hunting through various bags and clothing before coming up with a small silver and black Nokia.

"Oi, Hakuei!" he called down the beach. "You're phones ringing!"

The tall man hauled Bou out of the water, throwing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Can you answer it for me?"

Kisiaki nodded and flipped it open.

"Moshi,moshi."

"er... Kisaki?"

"Hai, Yoshiki-sama. Hakuei's busy drowning Bou in the water. Want me to relay a message?"

Kisiaki's brow furrowed deeper and deeper as his friend filled him in on the doctor's surprising news. After a few minutes, he sighed, eyes drifted towards his friends.

"I'll be sure to tell them." he said and ended the call. He placed the phone on top of Hakuei's pants, a disturbed frown creasing his attractive features.


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Tora crawled up onto the beach, chest heaving, eyes going dark. Taking several deep, slow breaths, he was able to calm his body enough so his head didn't feel like it was going to explode just yet.

"Daijobou?"

Tora smiled slightly as Tsukasa came to stand over him, fists resting lightly on narrow hips.

"I'm fine, just a little tired is all." He calmly streched out on the warm sand, salty water still lapping at his feet. "I think I'll sit out for a bit, catch some sun."

The long haired man bent down and poked his disturbingly prominant ribs with one finger. "Don't let yourself burn."

"Speak for yourself, ghost."

Tsukasa chuckled and Tora watched as he ran back into the water, splashing an unsuspecting Rose in the face.


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They sat gathered on the beach as the last rays of the pink and orange sun slowly began to disappear behind the water. Tsukasa stood and joined Hakuei a little way off under their umbrella, sitting quietly on the towel beside the other man.

"I'm sorry I overreacted earlier." he whispered.

Hakuei didn't respond for several long moments, eyes focused on the darkening horizon.

"Do you still love him?" He asked finally, voice soft.

Tsukasa sighed, drawing his knees up under his chin.

"Do you still love him?" Hakuei repeated.

Tsukasa hugged his knees tightly. "Yes."

Hakuei nodded his head slowly, as if expecting that answer, then stood. Tsukasa grabbed his hand.

"But I love you too!" He whispered, his voice cracking slightly. Hakuei squeezed his hand, then pulled out of his grasp.

"I know you do," he said, his voice barely audible above their friends laughing and talking a dozen feet away. "But now you need to decide which love is more important to you. I..." he looked away, his voice beginning to faulter, but he forced himself to continue. "I have to think."

"But, how..?"

"I'll let you know." The taller man looked down at him with sad eyes. "Kiyo and Rose have already changed and are ready to go, so they are going to take me home." With a sigh he gathered his things and took off towards the parking lot.


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Tsukasa leaned his head against the tiled wall, hot water and fresh tears spilling down his cheeks. He pounded his fists against the wall until he thought they would break, his cries coming out in pitiful sobs. He sank to his knees numbly, nearly choking as water poured down from above him.

"Why can't I just be happy for once?"

A gentle hand snaked around his waist to carress his bare chest while another brushed the hair from his face. Tsukasa whipped around, eyes going wide as the man kneeling behind him, the lone bare bulb high above casting haunting shadows over sickly pale skin.

"Please don't cry," Tora murmered, fingers slowly raking through long, dark hair. "My heart aches to see you so sad and alone."

Tsukasa slumped backwards, head hitting the wall roughly, but he didn't seem to care. "I just... no matter what I do, I can't be happy." His breath hitched in his throat. "I'll always end up hurting someone."

"You make me happy." Tora whispered, hands pulling Tsukasa's head forward to his chest, the other man's forehead resting just under his chin. "I'm finally here, with you, and that makes me happier than I have been in a long time." He kissed the top of Tsukasa's dark head, one hand raking through his long hair, then traveling down his lean body to rest on his hip, just above Tsukasa's dark blue shorts.

"You always blame yourself." Tora murured, slowly caressing the other's soft skin. "Life is full of risks and consequences; there's no way of knowing the outcome all the time. You just have to live for yourself and hope for the best."

"I never thought... he'd do that to us..." Tsukasa's hands balled into fists, lightly pounding on the other man's chest. "but I should have known! I'd lived with his cruelty for so long, I should have realized he'd-"

"No!" Tora forced Tsukasa's head up to meet his, eyes blazing. "Listen to me. I knew very well what your father was like, but nothing you or I could have prepared us for what your father did. He was a horrible, bitter, mean son-of-a-bitch, a wife and child beater, a drunk and god only knows what else." His face softened and he carressed the other man's cheek with soft fingers. "What he did to us was awful, but don't let something you had no control over ruin and run your life." He reached up and over Tsukasa and turned off the now cold water. He then held the young man close, wrapping his arms around the trembling figure, hands rubbing slow circles over chilled skin.

Tsukasa melted into Tora's loving touch, face resting wearily against the other man's neck.

"I've missed you so much..." he whispered.


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They dropped Bou and Tora off at Kirito's, Tsukasa going out of his way not to drive by the bar, then headed home. Both men were silent the rest of the way though only Kisiaki noticed, and the other's silence worried him. When they were finally home, Kisaki followed him to Tsukasa's room, pausing in the doorway.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked quietly, dark eyes tracking the younger man's lethargic movements as he stripped into loose sleepwear.

Tsukasa paused, sweatpants slightly askew, an old, ratty t-shirt in his hands. He looked down at the wrinkled shirt, then sank slowly to his small futon.

"I'm not really sure my mind can take much more." he said, his voice soft but heavy, dripping with exhaustion. "I don't really know what's going on in my life right anymore. My emotions..." he shook his head, dropping it into his hands. "My life's so fucked up right now, it's pathetic."

Kisaki sighed and crossed the room. He embraced his friend as the the younger man crumbled in his arms. Tears began to flow silently from Tsukasa's red eyes, carving wet lines down his cheeks. Kisaki patted his back, no words passing between them for a long time.