Auschwitz - COMPLETE
15
"Mom....? Wake up!" I pleaded, shaking her arm a little harder. She stirred slightly and rubbed her eyes softly, before she looked up at me with a smile. "Your still alive!" I said, returning her smile. She nodded.
"I feel...better," She said. She sounded better. She gripped my hand, her grasp a lot firmer than the day before, and rubbed my knuckles softly. "I needed you...you gave me strength," She muttered. I simply smiled and helped her sit up.
"Are you hungry?" I asked heading to the kitchen. She nodded. "What do you want?"
"Are you going...to cook?" She asked. I grinned at her, shrugged my shoulders.
"Maybe," I said. She laughed, a sound I never thought I'd hear again. "Mom...are you going to be...ok? Do you think?" I ask, biting my nail to the point of it bleeding. There was a pause, a whole minute of silence, before she answered.
"I think so, I hope so....I feel better, but..."
"That doesn't mean you are better," I say, saying what she couldn't.. She nodded, looking grim. "Its going to be ok mom, I promise," I say, hugging her tight. My tears dampen her shoulder, and she pats me on the head.
"I want to live. I want to be here for you. I sent you here, its my fault and its driven you to the brink of insanity. I saw your arms Bam, I'm not stupid! And now you're stuck there, because you want to help Ville escape, because you love him. Not a day goes by you couldn't get caught! I feel so guilty, it will be my fault if you end up like Jess," She said, sobbing herself. Did she really think that? I wasn't going to get caught - again. "Mom, I chose to come here. I could have worked anywhere, but I needed to support you, you can't work!" I say, trying my best to comfort my sobbing mother with reassuring hugs.
"Then why come here Bam? Why put yourself through all this?" She asks me, looking me directly in the eyes. Looks like I have a lot of explaining to do.
January 1944 and the war is still going strong. Mom has just had a stroke, but is recovering well with the help of Jess and Dad. But something isn't right, there was something they aren't telling me. Just they aren't telling me, is the question.
"Dad! Hey, wait! Where are you going?" I ask, chasing my father down the drive. He turned, seeming shocked by my appearance. Then again, it is 6am, I'm normally asleep right now.
"Bam? What do you want?" He asks, seemingly in a hurry.
"Somethings up, you've been acting weird since mom had her stroke," I say, grasping my father by he wrist to stop him walking. He sighs, stops moving and looks me in the eyes.
"Nothing Bam. Nothing at all...." He says, yet his voice is distant, and his eyes are blank, hollow. I let him go nevertheless. I find Jess next, he's at breakfast when I go back into the house. I scowl, he's never up before me, he works nights and likes to sleep in.
"Jess? What are you doing here?" I ask, sitting down next to him. He shrugs.
"Not tired," He says as if he was simply telling me the time.
"Bull! Why are you up? Why have you and dad been acting weird since mom's stroke?"
I demand. No answer, so I pin Jess against the wall. I've always been able to get the better of him, despite being his 'baby brother.' I have him by the throat, his legs dangle helplessly. "TELL ME!" I scream into his ear. He whimpers and mutters a yes, so I let him go. He lands on the floor on his hands and knees, choking, clutching his throat, but I don't care.
"Dad...got called up...they want him...to go to...Treblinka...because of...his....parents being...Gypsy's...it makes him one too...Bam...he just left to go...I had o say goodbye..."
He chokes out. I run from the room and after my father, it takes me less than five minutes.
"Dad...Treblinka..." I say, tears in my eyes. He sighs as he realizes I'm behind him and turns to face me. "Don't go...hide..." I plead when he doesn't say anything.
"Bam...I have to...there's no escape..." He says, engulfing me in a hug. I sob into his chest - something I never thought I'd do. "I'm sorry, but I want you to support your mother. She needs you. Jess won't help, you know him, tomorrow, he'll pack his bags in frustration and leave. I'm telling you now Bam, work in a death camp. Its the only way that you can avoid being in one. Because of me, they can easily call you up. Your mother needs you Bam,"
"Dad..." I plead, looking into his eyes. "Please, try and hide...why do you have to go..."
"Bam, just promise me. I've come to terms with the knowledge of what happened to me. But please, spare your mother the truth, it will destroy her,"
"I promise you dad. I love you..." I say, hugging my father one last time.
"I love you too son," He says, and he walks away.
Ville
Its boiling hot outside, despite being September, and the bodies are letting of the most disgusting stench. I have to carry them from the gas chambers to the crematoria, one body at a time. Each one is so limp, thin and covered in many varieties of human body substances. Its disgusting. The though of knowing that each body I carry was a life, a life filled with love, friendship, family, happiness, that was ruined because of this place, these people. Me.
That night, I'm plagued with nightmares. My dreams flash with images of happy families, children playing, parents laughing. But these images are interrupted by images of the same people dead, dying, looking so ill that they must be close to death. Then my mind flashes to images of them burning, the cruel irony of their bodies being placed together. I awake in a sweat and lie back on my bed, remembering how I came to be here. The memory still bitter in my mind.
January 1944 and the snow is thick on the ground. Jesse and I play in the soft white powder as if we were children again. Mom and dad smile at us from the window, they drink hot cocoa, arms wrapped around each other. We are happy, but all that's about to change. We are moving to Hungary. We have to, dad says Finland may not be safe much longer. He says we can't trust the Soviets not to invade. Today is our last day in Finland.
"HA! I got you!" I cry as a snowball hits Jesse right in the face. He scowls at me, tackles me to the ground. Together, we roll around in the snow, laughing, playing, fighting. We go in eventually soaking wet and freezing cold. My last memory of the home I grew up in.
A month later, and we are homeless, living on the streets of Hungary, but we don't care. Jesse and I sing for money, dad finds a job making weapons for the war, and mom takes up sewing. It isn't long before we have a home. However, it isn't long before we are recognised for who we are, Jews, and we are soon forced to sew a yellow 'Jude' star onto all our clothes. Again, we don't care. We just live as normally as we can.
April 1944 and Jesse leaves us. It breaks my parents hearts, but I know he's sick of living such a restricted life because he is a Jew. He and his girlfriend go back to Finland. Its the last time we ever hear from him.
May 1944 and my parents get the letters. But not me. The letters that tell them that they are being relocated to a 'Work' camp in Poland. Thy know the truth, the true horrors of these 'camps' have been known for sometime, and my parents are not being fooled by the 'holiday' leaflet that comes with the letter.
"Where will you go?" I ask them as they hurry to pack their most prized possessions. Clothes, books, photo albums. Anything they treasure.
"Home. Finland. The Soviets are less of a threat than this," My father spits out as he trows his letter in my face.
"Ville, darling, we'll be fine. I promise." My mother reassures me. I run to her, and hug her, kissing her cheek.
"I know Mommy, but I'm scared. I wish you didn't have to go," I sob. She hugs me tighter and I feel my father rub my back.
"We're sorry Poika, we really are, but I refuse to go to one of these camps," My father says. I nod, understanding. The next morning, they leave for Finland, and a week later, a letter arrives telling me they have arrived safely. Its the last I hear from them before I arrive in Auschwitz.
July 1944, and something arrives for me. Its not a letter, its the police. They have come to take me away. I try to run, but I'm not nearly quick enough.
"Your going on holiday. Pack your things," One says, he has a think German accent and is the model of a perfect German man. Strongly built, blond hair, blue eyes... I decide its best to go along with what he says. After returning to him with a packed case, I'm marched to the train station. It is there that I find Linde.
"Lily!" I say, hugging him. He hugs me back tight, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"We're going to die..." He whispers. I know he's right, I just don't admit it. 10 minutes later, we are forced in our hundreds into the cattle trucks behind us. Its cramped and dirty, full of death and disease, but at least Linde and I have each other. For now at least.
As I awake from my memory, I find myself thinking of a song. Oh how I long to be able to write, to create music again. I let the song play over and over in my head, until I have it memorised. I only wish I could write it down...
This world is a cruel place
and we're here only to lose
so before life tears us apart let
death bless me with you