When Zac Met Jack

When Zac Met Jack


After Zac and Nikki were sure, they could leave their children unsupervised without them wanting to rip each other’s hair and eyes out. Nikki left to talk to the other cast members, while Zac stayed behind and picked up the phone.

What he didn’t realise was, that Nikki hadn’t closed the door properly by accident, meaning everyone could hear Zac’s less then civilized conversation with his ex-wife.

So everyone almost died with suppressed amusement or horror, when Zac exclaimed ten minutes later, “HA, I WOULDN’T PISS ON YOU IF YOU WERE ON FIRE!”

Flash Back

Zac dialled his old house number from memory. He then waited, as the phone rang twice, before the familiar voice of his ex-wife picked up on the other end of the line. She sounded winded and out of breath.

Zac instantly knew what had her so out of breath. He felt his hand tighten around the receiver in his hand. He quickly loosened his grip, when he heard a slight creaking noise. The last thing he needed was to end up breaking Adam’s phone.

Vanessa said, “Yes, hello?” Zac asked in a deadpan tone. “Hello Vanessa, was I interrupting something? Tell Bleu I said hi.” Vanessa bristled and asked through clenched teeth, “What do you want Zac, I’m real busy?”

Zac sneered and replied, “Oh, trust me I don’t doubt exactly how busy you currently are.” He added icily, “What, have you finally grown some morels and are deciding to make the most of having the house to yourself?”

Vanessa spat, “What the hell are you going on about now, Zac?” Zac hissed coldly, “I’m talking about you fucking Bleu, whilst our daughters are still in the house, or in the very least still awake and able to hear you and that dick going at it.”

He quickly added, when Vanessa started to splutter in indignantly. “Yeah, Layla and Michelle revealed some very interesting things to me and Nikki today. For example, you shove them in their room to play with their toys, or put them in the living room with the TV on full blast, while you spread your legs for Bleu, that fucking dip shit.”

Zac growled, “How dare you, how fucking dare you taint my daughters with your poison and manipulative shit. I will not allow my daughters to grow up to be evil and twisted manipulative bitches just like their mother.”

Vanessa shirked, “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!” Zac yelled back, “I FUCKING DARE, WHEN MY OWN DAUGHTERS START SPROUTING POISIONUS SHIT THEY’VE OVERHEARD YOU AND BLEU TALKING ABOUT.”

He added practically growling, “What the hell is the matter with you, you poisonous bitch? Are you and Bleu so fucking stupid, that you can’t talk trash and lies when our daughters, our very young and impressionable daughters are not within earshot?”

He continued to rant, “Today, Jack ended up arguing with Layla and Michelle, until all three were in tears and shrieking something fierce at each other. All of this after our daughters told Jack that I thought more of them then I did him and that he should just leave me alone.”

He added, “They told me that they overheard you talking with Bleu. They heard you saying that I was going to end up lavishing all of my attentions upon Jack, forgetting about them and not love them anymore.”

He continued, hissing venomously, “And on top of that. They heard you telling Bleu that Nikki had only kept Jack from me to get back at you, to rub the fact I hadn’t been faithful to you before we were married in your face. You’re such a fucking lying and manipulative cunt, you really are. You have no idea how sickening and unattractive that really makes you.”

He concluded, “If she had truly been trying to get back you, then she would have allowed the press to take and spread pictures of Jack all over the papers, in magazines, and over the internet, where you would be able to see them.”

Vanessa growled at him, “Fuck you Zac. Admit it, you know I’m right. If she wasn’t doing this to get back at me and you, why did she move to London and marry Radcliffe. Why did Radcliffe bring up your son for the first nine years of his life and not you? And why does she have two other sons’ with him and not you. And of course why did she marry him and not you?”

Zac spat hatefully at her in reply, “All because I was fool enough to think I was in love with you and not her. I broke her heart and realised too late that I was marrying the wrong woman.” He added, “And she kept Jack away from me to punish me for taking her virginity, then leaving her a stupid note the next morning before she had even woke.”

He concluded, “And she married him, A, because I broke her heart. And B, I wasn’t exactly available at the time. Plus Radcliffe probably charmed her after he helped her get over the heart break I had unintentionally inflicted upon her.”

Vanessa hissed icily, “You’ll want me before I want you, just you remember that.” Zac let out a bark like laugh and replied, “Get the hell over yourself; the world does not revolve around your adulterous ass.”

Vanessa hissed “You’ll regret ever divorcing me and talking shit about me.” Zac exclaimed, “HA, I WOULDN’T PISS ON YOU IF YOU WERE ON FIRE!”

End Flash Back:

He snorted and added, “So what the hell do I have to regret, accept for the fact I never divorced your cheating and manipulative ass sooner than I did?” Vanessa howled in rage, as she slammed down the phone, as the last thing she heard was Zac’s voice sneering at her.

Zac placed the phone down. He then made his way towards the door and froze when he realised the door wasn’t closed properly. He grimaced as he realised everyone had most likely heard everything he had been saying.

He flushed in mortification. He did not want the others witnessing his less then golden and saintly side, his darker side. A side he never even had until he married Vanessa. Oh, he was sure that part of his personality was always in him, but it was always deeply buried inside of him.

But being married to Vanessa for eight years, only then discovering the woman you truly loved had kept your first born away from you for the nine years of his life. So yeah, shit like that tended to bring the less then fresh faced Disney golden boy out of him.

When he headed back to the other room where the others were, he noticed most of his friends were looking at him in disbelief. Elijah commented, “Christ man, I’ve not heard you use so much sarcasm and venom, or witnessed that much darker side of you since you walked in on Vanessa and Bleu.”

Zac scratched the back of his head and flushed, as he said, “Yeah, sorry about that guys. I never wanted you to see or hear that less then golden and Disney loving side of me. It’s just the ex-wife tends to really bring that usually hidden personality trait out to the forefront.”

James asked smirking, “So you really wouldn’t piss on her if she were on fire. Would you piss on me if I were on fire?” Zac and the others burst out laughing at this. Zac replied jokingly, “Aww, of course I’d happily piss on you, Jimmy.” Everyone laughed even harder at his reply, James included.