Slow Motion

by the time brendon left the hospital parking lot it was five thirty in the morning. the sun was just beginning to rise lowly in the sky. streaks of pink, purple and gold laced the twilight sky. brendon didn't know where he was going, he didn't want to go home. knew he couldn't go to sleep, not with pete's suicide note floating around in his head.

he found himself driving aimlessly, like his body knew where to take him. a feeling deep inside him, somewhere he had forgotten long ago was swarming in his body. it hit him suddenly like a strike across the face...brendon knew where he wanted, no, needed to go.

brendon pulled up to a large steepled building with a large arched stained glass window in the front and a copper bell nestled at the top. he parked in the minimal parking lot and exited the car, he stood out in front of the church, the saint roselynn church to be exact.

he stood out infront of the large wooden doors, he was nervous. it had been years since brendon had been to church, he basically had abandoned the religion when he was thirthteen and hadn't been back since. there were a few sparse cars in the church's parking lot and brendon hoped no sermon was going on.

brendon moved to the solid wooden door and grabbed hold of the handle. he tried not to worry about the fact that he was dressed in a black t-shirt, jeans, and battered sneakers. he figured he probably looked like shit anyway but he didn't care. he remembered something william once told him.

"church is there for those who need it. no questions asked."

brendon liked to believe that. and right now, he sure as hell needed the church and no questions.

he entered the church and a rush of a dusty kind of scent surrounded him. it was quiet inside the church and it gave an almost instant calming aurora. there were few people in the church at the time, five or six at the most.

the floor was stone and brendon's feet made a scrapping noise as he walked. on either side of the church were four or five rows of deep mahogany pews. the soft morning light spilled across them in sparking colors through the stained glass windows on the walls of the church.

at the end of the stone walkway was the churches alter. it was covered with a deep red carpet and as brendon grew closer he could see small long stairs, probably for patrons who wished to kneel. upon the alter was a large number of long candles that were glowing brightly.

brendon took a seat in the second to the front pew. the few others who joined him in this early morning church visit also sat in the pews but they were all spread out. he took a breath and dipped his head before he placed his slightly shaking hands in the prayer positioned.

brendon closed his eyes and he could remember. remember when he was little, around seven years old and his mother used to bring him to church with her. they'd sit together on the pew and brendon would look up at her with wide brown eyes and she would smile and ruffle a hand through his dark brown hair.

brendon can remember it was one of the few times his mother ever seemed really happy. she'd take his hands in between her's and close them into the praying position. looking back, brendon wished that he knew what she prayed about.

he wondered if she was praying for a better life or maybe she was praying for the hopes of her son. brendon wondered what she would think if she could see him now. she'd be disappointed he guessed.

brendon shook the thoughts of his mother out of his head and thought of his own prayers. mostly he was praying for pete, that pete would make it through this unscathed, or at least only as fucked up as he was before. he also prayed for himself, that he would be happy, that he could see pete again, if only as a friend.

he lifted his head and stared at the alter of the church. the warm glow of the mass of candles flickering around the walls. brendon didn't really believe that god was listening to his prayers. he had done far too much, he was too much of a sinner for god to even listen. but it was comforting at least, to be here in the church.

brendon stood from the pew and made his way up to the alter. he remembered that he and his mother would always go up on the alter and light one of the unlit candles. he figured he might as well stick to tradition as he climbed the small steps.

as brendon lit his candle he noticed for the first time a man sitting on the churches organ bench. the man had orange hair that fell long to his shoulders, framing his face. his eyes seemed far away but brendon thought he was good looking.

the man seemed to notice brendon and he stood. brendon could see that he was dressed in all black and a golden cross hung, shining from his neck.

"hello." the man said and his voice was warm and kind. and he was looking at brendon.

"hey." brendon said as he glanced at the man. he wasn't sure what the man wanted and he wondered if the man happened to be the priest. he looked too young to be a priest so brendon didn't think that was right. there was a small silence between the two as brendon put out his long match.

"my name is aaron, or brother gillespie. i haven't seen you around here, are you new?" the man named aaron asked. brendon now turned to face the man named aaron.

"i'm brendon, yeah, i guess i'm new." brendon told aaron.

aaron smiled and offered brendon his hand, brendon took it and shook limply before letting go. he wasn't sure why aaron was talking to him but he would give the man some time. brendon thought that aaron was probably a couple years older then him.

"always good when people find god." aaron said with his perpetual smile.

"i actually don't believe in god aaron." brendon told the redhead and he was sure after he said that aaron would want nothing to do with him. aaron just kept that smile on his face.

"never a better time to start believing." he replied and brendon kinda smiled at the man's determination.

"what makes you think i want to start believing?" brendon asked, he didn't know why he was standing here talking with aaron, normally he believed that he would be long gone by now.

"i believe that you're here for a reason brendon." aaron said. he placed a hand on brendon's shoulder and he came a bit closer. now that aaron was closer brendon could see that his eyes again held a far away look.

brendon gave a little sigh. "i'm too full of sin for god to pay attention." brendon said and he thought that he was getting ready to leave the church.

aaron gave a compassionate smile. "brendon, i used to think like you. see my eyes?" he asked and brendon nodded. "well i was born blind in one eye and colorblind in the other." aaron told him and brendon felt bad now for noticing that aaron's eyes were in fact different.

"i was angry." aaron continued. "i thought god had forsaken me. but i came to the church and after some time i realized something. god wanted more from me, he took away my sight because he didn't want me to live life by what i saw but by what i felt and thought." aaron said as he clapped brendon on the shoulder.

brendon didn't know what to think about aaron, didn't know why aaron was telling him about his past. he thought that maybe aaron was just telling him these things to try and get him to join the church. but aaron seemed better then that and brendon wanted to think that he just generally wanted to help brendon.

"i-i'd better get going." brendon said as his eyes swept over aaron. aaron in return just smiled and gave a slight nod.

"well, brendon, i hope to see you again." he said as he offered brendon his hand. brendon took aaron's hand before he tucked his hands into his jeans pockets and left the church.

brendon didn't go into the church expecting to feel better. so it wasn't surprising that when he got back into his car the dark feelings, the memories of seeing pete in the hospital bed, and the pain blossoming in his jaw all came back to him.