Tea & Biscuits

'You went to see him? You....' Beth was shaking so much she could hardly get the words out ' You went to see the man that...violated me?'

Beth still couldn't quite believe it herself.

'I wanted to help....Beth, please...listen....' Alice was on her feet, pleading with her daughter.

Alan couldn't stay quiet.

'What the hell did you do that for? For gods sake woman, what were you thinking?'

Beth turned to Alan.

'Alan, I can't stay here tonight. Can I came back to your place again?' Her voice was flat, monotone.

Alan nodded. 'I'll call a cab. Come out when you're ready.'

He turned and walked out of the house, not looking at Alice, his heart pounding in his chest.

Beth looked at her mother who was standing with her head in her hands, sobbing.

'Well?' She demanded. She was starting to feel angry, the shock was wearing off.

Alice looked up at her daughter, her face red and puffy.

'He wrote to me, six months ago. He wanted to see me. I didn't know what to do, but he wanted to talk to me. So I went. He was so sorry Beth, for what he did. I truly think he feels awful. He wants to apologise to you.... I gave permission for him to write to you. I should have told you. I'm sorry.'

'You're sorry?? Is that it?' Beth looked at her mother in disbelief. She thought she knew her but now, she wasn't so sure.

'You know what Mum, I can't do this right now. I'm going to stay with Alan. I will call you. But in the meantime.... '

Beth threw the letter at her mother.

'You can read just how sorry Steve is!'

Alice felt the door slam. She lifted the letter, smoothed out the crumpled sheets and began to read.

Dear Beth,

How are you? Your Mum signed the permission slip for me to write to you, but then, she always was a soft touch. A few tears worked like a charm.
Are you missing me? I think about you sometimes. Especially at night, when I only have my right hand to keep me happy. At least when I get out I know we can be together again. Only two years left then I will be there for you. I know you still love me Beth. Even when I hit you, I knew you understood, it had to be done.
Do you still wear the CKone perfume? I only have to think about it and I am ready to fuck you.
There is a chance I can appeal my sentence if you put in a good word for me. Can you visit?
I will write again soon.
your darling Steve.

Alice's hands were shaking as she sat at the kitchen table. She stared at the letter, disbelieving and scared as tears fell down her cheeks.

*******

Alan unlocked the door of the flat, stood aside to let Beth enter and went into the kitchen. He 'phoned out for pizza, opened a bottle of whisky left over from Christmas and poured two large measures into heavy bottomed crystal glasses. They hadn't spoken on the way back to his flat. Beth's face was set and angry and he just didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.

Beth appreciated it, she didn't know what to do or say either, her mind was a blur of emotions and thoughts with no order to them. Walking into the lounge, she sank gratefully onto the couch and wrapped herself up in the blanket still laying there from last night. Beth had a quick image of Alan from earlier in the day, naked and gorgeous. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

'Here, Beth.... I don't know if you drink whisky, but I need one so I got you one too' Alan handed her the glass.

Beth took it and sipped. The warm amber liquid was smooth and spicy and warmed her throat as she swallowed.

'It's a day for new experiences isn't it?' She laughed falsely, trying to make light of the situation.

Alan wasn't fooled by it and sat next to her, gently put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. Beth nestled her face in his shoulder, a wave of emotion washing over her as she began to cry. Alan held her close to him, smoothing her hair with his hand until she stopped.

'You are not alone, Beth. I will always be here for you, as a friend or in any way you need me.' He murmured into her hair.

Beth pulled away and looked at him gently. 'I don't know what I want Alan, and that's being honest.'

'I know, Beth....' Alan sighed deeply. Steve's letter had changed everything. 'Believe me....I know.'

The were interrupted by the sound of the door buzzer.

Alan stood up and went to get the pizza and Beth's eyes followed him out of the room.

'I don't know what I want...but I do love you' she thought to herself.

They ate the pizza and Alan brought the whisky through to the lounge, filling up his own glass and offering some to Beth, who shook her head.

'Shall I make up the spare room for you?' He asked her gently.

'Would that be OK, Alan?' Beth saw the disappointment and sadness wash over him but he quickly moved his face into a small smile.

'Yes, yes...of course it is. I'll do it now, then you can go to bed when you need to. And...you can stay as long as you want to Beth. I will give you a key, come and go as you please.' He stood, avoiding her eye.

He didn't notice as Beth wiped away the tears.