Tea & Biscuits

'Beth?' Sally tried again to get her attention.

Realising that Sally was speaking, Beth looked at her with a start.

'I'm sorry....I was thinking.' Beth had been gazing out of the window, thinking about Alan.

'Tell me what you were thinking about.... it will help. We have been here before Beth, you know that talking helps you.'

Sally had been surprised to hear Beth's voice on the 'phone. It had been almost 6 months since their last session and although the counselling was open-ended, she hadn't expected to see her again, she had done so well and resolved so much.

'There is something I haven't told you... ' Beth began. They had been talking for a full half-hour, about Steve, the letter, Alice.

Beth hadn't mentioned Alan. Until now.

'You can tell me anything, you know I am sworn to confidentiality, Beth. It wont go anywhere but between us.'

'You know I am good friends with Alan'

Sally nodded. She knew Alan and had seen him at Rainbow House the previous week in his capacity as patron. It crossed Sally's mind briefly that he looked paler than usual but she put that down to his busy life.

'Well, I haven't told anyone but I am staying with him, at his flat.'

'He is a good friend to you, Beth.' They had talked about him before, he was an intrinsic part of Beth's story.

'I...I'm in love with him, Sally. We made love.'

'Lucky you!' She thought to herself. She wasn't immune to Alan's charm or good looks herself.

Sally smiled at her, trying to keep the surprise out of her voice.

'And how was it? How were you?'

'It was... amazing actually.' Beth grinned at her.

Sally laughed. She was glad for Beth. She had grown fond of her during their sessions and although she was one of many women she had counselled, she felt truly sad for Beth's situation.

'So...what's the problem?'

'The letter has scared the shit out of me, to be honest' Beth replied. 'He is going to come looking for me when he gets out, I just know it. And I can't let Alan get involved in any of that, it's just not fair.'

'What does Alan think?' Sally asked.

'I don't know.'

A tear trickled down Beth's cheek.

'We haven't talked about it. I...I'm in the spare room. But it's so hard. I want him, Sally....but I don't want him dragged into this mess, I don't want him getting hurt. Imagine what it would do to his career if it got out that he was with a rape victim and being terrorised by Steve? I can't do it to him. It's torture, being in the same room as him and not touching him.....'

Beth cried, brushing the tears away from her cheeks.

'At night, I lay in bed thinking of him, in the next room. I hear him breathing.... and I want to go to him.....It's a nightmare... I am going to have to move out. I can't bear it.'

Sally handed beth a tissue and glanced at her watch.

'It's time Beth, I'm sorry'.

Beth stood up to go, grabbing her bag and throwing the strap over her shoulder.

'Beth, I shouldn't give advice as your counsellor, but as your friend.... I think you need to tell Alan how you are feeling. He's a grown man, let him make his own decision about things. You can't know how he feels until you talk to him.'

Beth nodded and closed the heavy oak door behind her as she left.