Crossing Lines
folder
Singers/Bands/Musicians › Good Charlotte
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
2,366
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Singers/Bands/Musicians › Good Charlotte
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
2,366
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Good Charlotte. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 2
Title: Crossing Lines
Author: Me. Becca. I'm wonderful.
Rating: NC-17? X? Ratings are confusing here. XXX for your enjoyment.
Pairing(s): Benji and Joel
Characters: Madison or Maddy.
Disclaimer: I don't own or know Benji or Joel or any other member of Good Charlotte. This is a work of fiction kids and I make no money from this whatsoever. It's all for fun.
Months had passed since the breakup and although I hate to admit it I was doing okay. I was smiling again. All the time. Which I’m sure annoyed a lot of people in my life, except Benji. I caught him looking at me, every once in a while, probably happy that I was okay. Proud I was okay. I guess he figured if one of us is fine there’s a chance for the other.
And I was even starting to look at women again. Well, this time I wasn’t thinking they had horns and pointy tails. I actually saw females as people, as sexist as that sounds. I had my eye on one though. She was a friend of Benji’s, an actual friend I was assured. There was something magnetic about her. Something that she had that no one else had. That radiated from with in causing some to love her and a lot to hate her. But I suppose even those who hated her secretly loved her.
That was Madison for you, Maddy, as she preferred to be called. I hated the latter instead siding with her full name. It sounded so elegant, so refined, so not like her. She made me crazy. Like a fucking 15 year old schoolgirl just asked out by the one everyone desired. You can imagine where that left me, on the outside, too afraid to speak to her for fear of fucking up. But one day out of the blue, while the three of use ate at Benji’s house chillin, she asked me out. It took all of me to keep from screaming “yes” but I said with a smile “Yes”
That night it was perfect. I was funny, she said I was funny and I think she meant it. Never had I felt this way before. From that point on we were inseparable. Which was perfect considering she was friends with Benj and the three of us were like the musketeers we were.
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Even trapped inside my hotel room, ten floors up from the street, I can hear the traffic in New York. At all hours of the night, I wonder how anyone sleeps in this town. The noise is exacerbated with the noise of a shower, Maddy’s shower to be exact. I was waiting for her. Waiting to drop one hell of a bomb on her.
Things were getting serious between us. Very serious, okay X-rated serious but serious enough for a virgin. She wanted to get close but I pulled away, saying, “It wasn’t time”. She never questioned me. I guess she assumed it was my sweet, shy nature.
Which was a factor in it. The thought of “taking” her virginity and then saying “I sleep with my brother too” unnerved me. I was just too wrong. She deserved to know the truth. As bad as it was, as bad as things were going to get. It was a self-destructive thing I realized. I knew the outcome yet I insisted on doing this. I insisted on fucking Benj.
Somewhere I hoped she could understand. As sick as THAT is. She was a compassionate person, willing to accept most different lifestyles, as long as no one was getting hurt. She had to know that this wasn’t wrong. It couldn’t be; someone has to accept this. Someone has to accept me.
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I sat her on the bed, after she left her shower, telling I had something important to say. She looked at me suspiciously, concern in her eyes and asked if I was cheating on her. I smiled and assured her I wasn’t. she relaxed a little and I felt bad for the blow I was about to deal. I sat on the bed next to her and blurted it out, without really thinking. I’d rehearsed it in my mind a hundred times so I just said it. “Benj and I sleep together”
She was silent for a minute, obviously stunned and asked “Why?” Why? If I had an answer for that I wouldn’t be here now, I thought angrily. These painful memories I held onto for so long. The ones Iped ped to be something else, the ones Benji drank to get away from came out, directed at her.
“Why?” I smiled almost maliciously. “Because our father liked to fuck us. And he made us fuck each other and you know what?!? I liked it. WE liked it. Yes, that’s right. I like it when he blew me, when he fucked me, when I blew him, when I fucked him. And I liked it so much I still do it. How’s that for an answer?!?” I paused to regain my breath after that tirade. I looked to her and she was crying. In the pit of my stomach I knew I should stop by my passion won. And took over.
“I’m an incestuous freak. Benji is too. And you wanted to fuck and incestuous freak.” I was so caught up in my selfishness of this moment I hadn’t even noticed Benj walking into the room. I guess he heard the yelling. So he wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “You’re nothing like a freak. You never have been, you never will be”. He was right. I looked to see Maddy’s expression, I knew it had to be harsh but in her eyes I saw only compassion. The compassion I wanted to see, to feel. Something else inside of my broke and I too started crying.
Benji held onto me as I repeated, “I’m horrible. I am the most vile person in the world”. Benj just shook her head and answered back “No, you’re not. If you are so am I. Am I?”
I shook my head, childishly. “No, that’s right” he continued. “You are Joel Madden. The singer of Good Charlotte. You have two brothers and a si. Yo. You’re a mama’s boy. You like red wine and champagne.” I pulled away and started yelling again.
“No I’m not! I’m a sinner. A lawbreaker. I could be arrested for the things I do!” I was hysterical by this point. I wasn’t quite sure what I was saying just that it was painful to relive and painful to admit. Benji pulled my to him, embracing me and whispered once again, “If you’re all those things so am I. You’re not alone. You never have been. You’ve always got me.” He leaned back from me, keeping one arm around my waist, raising the other to wipe away my tears.
I wonder what Maddy was thinking at this scene. I would’ve bet a million bucks she wanted to hurl. But she just stood up and hugged me from behind. A move most likely, never to be achieved by anyone else. I tuned around to face her. She still had tears in her eyes but she was smiling. I couldn’t help but smile with her. “I don’t hate you Joel. I don’t think any less of you.”
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After a long talk over the next few days’ things had been worked out. Come to find out she too was sexually abused. She understood everything I felt. It was nice to have somebody else to fall into. She couldn’t hurt me because she knew what I was afraid; it’s what she was afraid of. And she was fine with Benji and I; it was something so innocent between us how could she not be? I loved her more for her approval. For the first time I felt free. Everything was out in the open, mostly.
On our last night in New York, we went through the nighttime routine. Pajamas, brush teeth, fix bed. The usual. We both climbed in together. Her on her right side, me joining just behind her. She flicked the lights off and the two of us feel asleep. Not for very long I guess.
At about 2 in the morning I was woken by noises coming from Benji’s room. Surprising, considering I’m the insomniac. I waited a few minutes to see if they would stop and they didn’t. Of course they didn’t. I’m so fucking tired I can’t keep my eyes open, that’s typical. I moved to get out of the bed without waking up Maddy. Too late. “Joel?” She whispered into the room.
“I’m just gonna check on Benj.” I’m sure she nodded in the dark, knowing all to well that’s the way he and I work. I opened the door to his room slowly. I didn’t want him freaking out and taking a bat to my skull or something. Not that he had a bat, damn was I tired. “Joel? What are you doing up?”
I looked at him with a duh expression and looked around at the mess he had created. “Oh” he replied, sheepishly.
“What’s wrong buddy?” He sat on the bed without answering, I’m assuming to avoid the question. “Benj?”
He relented and said “I’m lonely”. I smiled and nudged his head up”
“Come on.” He stood up but looked at me questioningly. I stared walking to the door all the while answering his look. “You can come stay with me and Mad tonight. You’re like a freaking…..” I trailed off when I realized he wasn’t behind me. “What?” I asked.
“You sure? If I was her I wouldn’t wasn’t me in my bed” He was genuinely afraid. Mr. Tough-Guy was afraid.
“Yes, she’ll be fine not grab a blanket so you don’t hog ours”. He obliged pulling the one off his bed and dragging it behind him. I crawled into bed first followed by Benji. Mad was still curled up on her side, hugging the bed, so I laid on my back, pulling Benj closer when he laid down.
I kissed him softly on the head and told him “it’s okay”. It soothed him and he snuggled in my arms. Maddy stirred from beside me and changed sides, so she was facing Benji and I. “You alright Benj?” She asked.
“Yeah” he whispered. “Are you okay with this?”
I could tell she was smiling. That was her way. “Yes, Benj I am.” He smiled too; I could feel it against my chest.
The situation was weird but strangely comforting in it’s weirdness. The three of us, me, my girlfriend and my brother, who’d I’d had more sex with than my girlfriend, lying in the bed together. I chuckled softly, out loud and Mad asked me what I was laughing at.
I told her it was weird that we were all in bed together. She replied in her gentle, know all way “With sexual abuse you cross lines, you cross lines you didn’t know were there. You cross lines you didn’t know you’re weren’t supposed to cross and you cross lines you KNOW you’re not supposed to cross”. She was right. This situation alone proved that fact.
Author: Me. Becca. I'm wonderful.
Rating: NC-17? X? Ratings are confusing here. XXX for your enjoyment.
Pairing(s): Benji and Joel
Characters: Madison or Maddy.
Disclaimer: I don't own or know Benji or Joel or any other member of Good Charlotte. This is a work of fiction kids and I make no money from this whatsoever. It's all for fun.
Months had passed since the breakup and although I hate to admit it I was doing okay. I was smiling again. All the time. Which I’m sure annoyed a lot of people in my life, except Benji. I caught him looking at me, every once in a while, probably happy that I was okay. Proud I was okay. I guess he figured if one of us is fine there’s a chance for the other.
And I was even starting to look at women again. Well, this time I wasn’t thinking they had horns and pointy tails. I actually saw females as people, as sexist as that sounds. I had my eye on one though. She was a friend of Benji’s, an actual friend I was assured. There was something magnetic about her. Something that she had that no one else had. That radiated from with in causing some to love her and a lot to hate her. But I suppose even those who hated her secretly loved her.
That was Madison for you, Maddy, as she preferred to be called. I hated the latter instead siding with her full name. It sounded so elegant, so refined, so not like her. She made me crazy. Like a fucking 15 year old schoolgirl just asked out by the one everyone desired. You can imagine where that left me, on the outside, too afraid to speak to her for fear of fucking up. But one day out of the blue, while the three of use ate at Benji’s house chillin, she asked me out. It took all of me to keep from screaming “yes” but I said with a smile “Yes”
That night it was perfect. I was funny, she said I was funny and I think she meant it. Never had I felt this way before. From that point on we were inseparable. Which was perfect considering she was friends with Benj and the three of us were like the musketeers we were.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Even trapped inside my hotel room, ten floors up from the street, I can hear the traffic in New York. At all hours of the night, I wonder how anyone sleeps in this town. The noise is exacerbated with the noise of a shower, Maddy’s shower to be exact. I was waiting for her. Waiting to drop one hell of a bomb on her.
Things were getting serious between us. Very serious, okay X-rated serious but serious enough for a virgin. She wanted to get close but I pulled away, saying, “It wasn’t time”. She never questioned me. I guess she assumed it was my sweet, shy nature.
Which was a factor in it. The thought of “taking” her virginity and then saying “I sleep with my brother too” unnerved me. I was just too wrong. She deserved to know the truth. As bad as it was, as bad as things were going to get. It was a self-destructive thing I realized. I knew the outcome yet I insisted on doing this. I insisted on fucking Benj.
Somewhere I hoped she could understand. As sick as THAT is. She was a compassionate person, willing to accept most different lifestyles, as long as no one was getting hurt. She had to know that this wasn’t wrong. It couldn’t be; someone has to accept this. Someone has to accept me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I sat her on the bed, after she left her shower, telling I had something important to say. She looked at me suspiciously, concern in her eyes and asked if I was cheating on her. I smiled and assured her I wasn’t. she relaxed a little and I felt bad for the blow I was about to deal. I sat on the bed next to her and blurted it out, without really thinking. I’d rehearsed it in my mind a hundred times so I just said it. “Benj and I sleep together”
She was silent for a minute, obviously stunned and asked “Why?” Why? If I had an answer for that I wouldn’t be here now, I thought angrily. These painful memories I held onto for so long. The ones Iped ped to be something else, the ones Benji drank to get away from came out, directed at her.
“Why?” I smiled almost maliciously. “Because our father liked to fuck us. And he made us fuck each other and you know what?!? I liked it. WE liked it. Yes, that’s right. I like it when he blew me, when he fucked me, when I blew him, when I fucked him. And I liked it so much I still do it. How’s that for an answer?!?” I paused to regain my breath after that tirade. I looked to her and she was crying. In the pit of my stomach I knew I should stop by my passion won. And took over.
“I’m an incestuous freak. Benji is too. And you wanted to fuck and incestuous freak.” I was so caught up in my selfishness of this moment I hadn’t even noticed Benj walking into the room. I guess he heard the yelling. So he wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “You’re nothing like a freak. You never have been, you never will be”. He was right. I looked to see Maddy’s expression, I knew it had to be harsh but in her eyes I saw only compassion. The compassion I wanted to see, to feel. Something else inside of my broke and I too started crying.
Benji held onto me as I repeated, “I’m horrible. I am the most vile person in the world”. Benj just shook her head and answered back “No, you’re not. If you are so am I. Am I?”
I shook my head, childishly. “No, that’s right” he continued. “You are Joel Madden. The singer of Good Charlotte. You have two brothers and a si. Yo. You’re a mama’s boy. You like red wine and champagne.” I pulled away and started yelling again.
“No I’m not! I’m a sinner. A lawbreaker. I could be arrested for the things I do!” I was hysterical by this point. I wasn’t quite sure what I was saying just that it was painful to relive and painful to admit. Benji pulled my to him, embracing me and whispered once again, “If you’re all those things so am I. You’re not alone. You never have been. You’ve always got me.” He leaned back from me, keeping one arm around my waist, raising the other to wipe away my tears.
I wonder what Maddy was thinking at this scene. I would’ve bet a million bucks she wanted to hurl. But she just stood up and hugged me from behind. A move most likely, never to be achieved by anyone else. I tuned around to face her. She still had tears in her eyes but she was smiling. I couldn’t help but smile with her. “I don’t hate you Joel. I don’t think any less of you.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
After a long talk over the next few days’ things had been worked out. Come to find out she too was sexually abused. She understood everything I felt. It was nice to have somebody else to fall into. She couldn’t hurt me because she knew what I was afraid; it’s what she was afraid of. And she was fine with Benji and I; it was something so innocent between us how could she not be? I loved her more for her approval. For the first time I felt free. Everything was out in the open, mostly.
On our last night in New York, we went through the nighttime routine. Pajamas, brush teeth, fix bed. The usual. We both climbed in together. Her on her right side, me joining just behind her. She flicked the lights off and the two of us feel asleep. Not for very long I guess.
At about 2 in the morning I was woken by noises coming from Benji’s room. Surprising, considering I’m the insomniac. I waited a few minutes to see if they would stop and they didn’t. Of course they didn’t. I’m so fucking tired I can’t keep my eyes open, that’s typical. I moved to get out of the bed without waking up Maddy. Too late. “Joel?” She whispered into the room.
“I’m just gonna check on Benj.” I’m sure she nodded in the dark, knowing all to well that’s the way he and I work. I opened the door to his room slowly. I didn’t want him freaking out and taking a bat to my skull or something. Not that he had a bat, damn was I tired. “Joel? What are you doing up?”
I looked at him with a duh expression and looked around at the mess he had created. “Oh” he replied, sheepishly.
“What’s wrong buddy?” He sat on the bed without answering, I’m assuming to avoid the question. “Benj?”
He relented and said “I’m lonely”. I smiled and nudged his head up”
“Come on.” He stood up but looked at me questioningly. I stared walking to the door all the while answering his look. “You can come stay with me and Mad tonight. You’re like a freaking…..” I trailed off when I realized he wasn’t behind me. “What?” I asked.
“You sure? If I was her I wouldn’t wasn’t me in my bed” He was genuinely afraid. Mr. Tough-Guy was afraid.
“Yes, she’ll be fine not grab a blanket so you don’t hog ours”. He obliged pulling the one off his bed and dragging it behind him. I crawled into bed first followed by Benji. Mad was still curled up on her side, hugging the bed, so I laid on my back, pulling Benj closer when he laid down.
I kissed him softly on the head and told him “it’s okay”. It soothed him and he snuggled in my arms. Maddy stirred from beside me and changed sides, so she was facing Benji and I. “You alright Benj?” She asked.
“Yeah” he whispered. “Are you okay with this?”
I could tell she was smiling. That was her way. “Yes, Benj I am.” He smiled too; I could feel it against my chest.
The situation was weird but strangely comforting in it’s weirdness. The three of us, me, my girlfriend and my brother, who’d I’d had more sex with than my girlfriend, lying in the bed together. I chuckled softly, out loud and Mad asked me what I was laughing at.
I told her it was weird that we were all in bed together. She replied in her gentle, know all way “With sexual abuse you cross lines, you cross lines you didn’t know were there. You cross lines you didn’t know you’re weren’t supposed to cross and you cross lines you KNOW you’re not supposed to cross”. She was right. This situation alone proved that fact.