Equivalent

He heard the theme music cut through the air, signifying an unplanned commercial break. Shaking his head, he breathed sharply through his nose, trying to calm his angered emotions. He pushed past the cameramen and Nigel, who had come down from the booth, to calm his long time friend.

“Simon, get back on stage.” Nigel told his friend, keeping his voice tight to convey an authoritative voice.

“Sod off.” He muttered, shouldering Nigel as he walked by. He stepped into his dressing room, keeping the lights off and slamming the door behind him with aggression. Pacing the area, he raked a hand through his thick hair, grasping a tuft in frustration. He knew he deserved some sort of retort for his comment to Ryan, but he never expected -her- to verbally slap him in the face.

«Who are you kidding, old man...you’ve seen it too.» His mind taunted him. «They’ve been getting closer.» He shook his head, lying down on the leather couch in his dressing room. He threw an arm over, covering his face. Sighing aloud, the recent fiasco just proved his fear: he was losing her.

He bit his lower lip, an unconscious desire to inflict physical pain to detour the pain in his heart. How long had this been going on? How long had he been making an idiot of himself, thinking that something -

- his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door, followed by the jiggling of the door-knob.

«It’s locked, now bugger off!» His mind screamed. He lay still, trying to control his rapid breathing. «Christ...why am I being affected so much...» He closed his eyes, feeling moisture gather.

The knocking continued, more insistent than before.

«Get the bloody hell lost!» He silently urged the unwelcomed visitor to depart. He closed his eyes forcibly, the noise still ringing in his ears. Getting up, a tear escaped and he swiped angrily at it. «Simon Cowell...heart of stone.» He thought bitterly to himself, picking up his jacket just before swinging the door open to reveal the one person who unknowingly held the chisel to break through the concrete exterior.

They stared at each other, both breathing deeply.

If any other scenario, he would have kissed her, and made amends. But this time, he had crossed the line with Ryan, and she had with him - betraying him on a level even he couldn’t explain.

She still hadn’t broken gaze and he didn’t relent either.

Finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned away from her, gently closing the door behind him. Slinging his jacket over his shoulder, he headed to the parking lot.

“You have a show to do.”

He heard her voice breaking, and the vindictive part of his soul derived some comfort from that. He didn’t dare look back, didn’t dare to see the tears he heard calling out to him.

“You have a show to do, Simon!” She yelled after him, slamming her hand against the wall.

“...not anymore.”

–TBC–