Rummy

Warning: Rated R for bad language, adult themes, and reference to sex.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, nor do I claim to own anything to do with the musical of 'cats'.

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"Holy fuckin' hell! Gyaaarrrggh!"

"Quit your whining, mane-boy, it's just a splinter."

"A splinter? A splinter!? It's a spar of wood through my whole fucking hand!"

Sometimes I hate life on a pirate ship.

"Count yourself lucky the mainmast wasn't taken down by chainshot," Growltiger told me, over on another of the bunks in the makeshift infirmary ceated after another seagoing battle. I manage to keep out of most of the crossfire because I'm usually up on the badly contruscted wooden death-trap we like to call a crow's nest. Unfortunately, canonfire can reduce said death-trap to splinters. "Then we'd be hauling your poxy corpse over-board. The Witty Retort is captained by a madwoman, be glad they ran out of canon-shot."

"Huh, some luck," I snorted, staring distastefully at the long jagged peice of wood Lathander had just removed from my palm, "and my corpse is not poxy. It's devastatingly attractive." I hissed as the 'nurse' poured a splash of whiskey into the gash. "How's it going, hun," I asked casually, and the nurse, who was actually a large brutish tabby with a heavily scarred torso rolled his eyes at me, "aww, don't gimme that baby."

"Sedate him, somebody," Growltiger stated drily, "I can't stand it when he starts hitting on random crew members."

"Jealous, Growly-baby? You know I can always--- yeowch! Watch it, man, that's my knifing paw you know!" I glared at Lathander, who was the closest thing we had to a doctor, as he finished cleaning the large gash on my palm.

"Sorry," the small tom smirked, "splinter. You can bandage that up yourself, unless you want Brutus to help." He nodded to the large tabby, who turned pointedly away and began soaking dirty bandages in a bucket of soapy water.

"I guess that's a no," I muttered, and grabbed a clean peice of linnen to use as a bandage, "do what's your damage this time, Cap'n?"

"Flesh wound, and a nice bullet hole in my thigh. I'll have a couple more scars to impress the ladies with when we next reach port."

"To impress?" I repeated and winced, wrapping the linnen around my paw, "who are you trying to impress. The only queens that don't run from you are either blind or crippled beyond capability to walk."

Growltiger chuckled, "I'll use you as bait then, ey?"

I finished tying my makeshift bandage and gave him a sultry pout, "I'll try my best to lure innocent virgins to your waiting hands."

I'd been on the Flying Cutlass for nearly three years, and during that time I'd been integrated into the crew, close as family. In all that time we'd been practicaly around the world, and I found a niche for myself performing the duties of look-out and becoming a rat-boy... which is what we tend to call anybody who works up in the ratlines with the sails. It's never occured to me to feel out of place, but every so often I start to feel lonely, and that's when I wish I had a queen to go home to somewhere. "So," I said casually when Growltiger had gone through the same treatment of makeshift antiseptic and linnen bandages, "where's the next stop?"

"Close to heart for you," Growltiger replied with a nod, and stood to go back up on deck, "three days travel from where I met you at the Rising Sun. Tugger... don't think I'm kicking you off my crew, because that's not the case, but I am sending you home."

"What?" I stared at him blankly, "you're kidding me, right?"

The large tom shook his head, "no. I'm sending you ashore for three months. We'll be back at the same place to pick you up, but only on the condition that you go home and face whatever the hell made you pack up and leave in the first place."

"You're a perceptive tom, Growltiger. I hate you."

"I hate you too, Rummy," the Captain replied with a grin, "just be packed and ready to get your arse back to that junkyard of yours. Khadagar will tell me if you don't."

"Damn you..."

"You'll go?"

"Yeah, I'll go. Everlasting Cat only knows whether they'll want me back."

###

The road feels unsteady under my foot-paws, and my hips are still swaying with the gentle rise and fall of the ocean that you don't find on solid ground. I caught a glimpse of myself in a cafe window as I passed by, and it makes me look like some kind of sexually charged half-drunken lout. It doesn't really help that I'm wearing seaboots and a cutlass tucked into my plain black belt, carrying a patched bag over one shoulder that contains all that I've colleted in the past three years. It's not that I don't trust the crew, it's just that they're a bunch of murderous cut-throat theives who'd steal my fur if they thought they could get away with it.

I'm headed towards a place I had planned on leaving behind forever. The path leading up to the junkyard fence is exactly the same as I remember it, perhaps a little more overgrown in places, but recognisable as the path I used to walk almost daily sometimes. The fence is exactly the same as well. I feel like I should say it seems like I'm coming home, but there's a ball of anxiety in my chest that won't let me... almost like I don't want to call this place home anymore.

I stopped at the south fence, debating whether or not to slip in undetected. After a few moments indecision I start walking again, this time headed for the main gate. Hell, I was never one to pass up an oportunity to make a grand entrance, and this way nobody can claim that I'm a strange tom tresspassing on tribal property.

###

"Stop right where you are!"

"Huh?" I froze mid-step and blinked, a little surprised to suddenly see a knife in my face. "What the fuck?"

"State your business with the jellicles." The voice that spoke was hard as steel and belonged to a tall tom standing nearly at eye-level with me. He held the knife in a way that said he obviously knew how to use it.

"Who the fuck are you?" I demanded, acting as though I were the one in charge of the situation, despite being unable to reach my cutlass before he could slit my throat. "What what business do you have shoving a knife in my face just for walking through the gate?"

"You're tresspassing on tribal property," the tom announced coldly, "so I suggest you state your business or leave, before I am forced to take steps to remove you."

My jaw dropped open. Unbeleiveable! "Uh..." A spark of recognition suddenly made itself known in my head, and I scanned the tom's face carefully for identifying features. It took me a few seconds of absolute shock before I could find it in myself to say anything vaguely coherent. "Pouncival!?!"

"How do you know me?" The tom--- Pouncival, the once small and elastic-bouncy kitten, now a muscular tom almost as tall as me--- asked, eyes narrowing suspisciously.

I took a step back, just of out knife-range, and spread my arms with a dual purpose, both to show that I was (relatively) unarmed, and also to show myself in full. He continued to stare at me uncomprehendingly, so I performed a trademark hip-roll. "If you don't recognise me now I'll throw myself out."

Pouncival's eyes widened somewhat, and a look of genuine surprise crossed his face, "Tugger?"

"In the flesh, and... mortally offended." I indicated the knife with a slight nod.

"Oh. Right, sorry." Pounce lowered the knife and tucked it into a sheath that was strapped to his right thigh, "security has been high since Macavity tried to invade. You've been gone a while... shit, how long? Three---four years?"

"Three." I casually dumped my travel-bag and sank into the familiar pose of thumbs hooked in my belt, "Macavity tried to invade?"

"Yeah, two years ago. A lot changed." Pouncival looked down, "we did some adapting."

I shot a glance at the knife again, "no shit."

We stood in silence for a few moments, then Pouncival spoke again. "Listen, I'll just notify Alonzo that I'm leaving post, then I'll take you to Munkustrap--- no doubt you'll want to talk to him."

###

The changes in the junkyard have been subtle. Everything is still where it used to be, perhaps with a few more weeds here and there, but essentially still the same. The atmosphere has changed somewhat, though, and I feel almost uneasy... as though my status is only that of a guest. This place used to be my home. How things change.

###

Pouncival left me outside Munkustrap's den with a claim to 'warn' the rest of the junkyard that I was abouts. His den hasn't changed much, I mused with a smile, you would've thought in three years he'd have managed to convince Demeter to move in with him and utilise her feminine touch. I bent down and rapped my knuckles against what was classed as the entryway, and added the absolutely necessary call of, "hey, Munkustrap-on!"

"Go the fuck away, Tugger!"

I grinned to myself, counting down the number of seconds it would take him to realise...

"Tugger!?!" A sliver-gray and black head suddenly appeared in the entryway, immediately followed by a tabby striped body, "Everlasting Cat, what the hell are you doing here?!"

"Heh, nice to see you too, jerk." I grinned and held out my arms, "c'mon don't I at least deserve a hug for appearing so politely and expectedly?"

"You fucker," Munkustrap grinned back, but allowed the hug anyway, "I'll have you know you interrupted me in the middle of something very important."

"Yeah? What were you doing? Cleaning your pantry?"

"Munkus, I'm leaving," a feminine voice announced from within the silver tabby's den, "I'll be back later tonight, though."

The female body to match the voice came outside and I felt my jaw drop for the second time in under and hour. Red fur splashed with black, and a white face and bib. Dear Heaviside, had the tom gone mad?!

Munkustrap slipped his arm around the queen's waist and casually kissed her lips before letting her go, "sure thing, Bomba. I'll be waiting."

I watched Bombalurina start to leave, then turn back around slowly, as though she'd seen something and needed to check in order to make sure she wasn't imagining it. Beleive me I was feeling exactly the same way, though had thankfully found a way to shut my mouth before anybody noticed me looking like an idiot. I nodded to her, "Bombalurina. It's nice to see you after so long."

Bombalurina's expression faded into a smirk, "tall, rugged maine coon. Large ego. It must be the Rum Tum Tugger."

"Of course." (Big tits, red fur. Loose with a capitol l. Must be Bomba. Rumpus, how I hate that bitch.)

"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you."

"Unavoidably," I replied sweetly, then turned back to Munkustrap as she walked off, one eyebrow raised. He shrugged and motioned me inside. I waited until we were seated, having left my bag outside, to voice my opinions. "You're sleeping with Bombalurina?"

"We're in a relationship," he replied, perfectly calm.

"With that slut?" I asked, a little shellshocked, "what happened to Demeter?"

Munkustrap raised a paw in a dismissive gesture, "old news. We parted ways a long while back when she moved back in with the younger queens."

"Yeah, but what happened?" I pressed, still trying to get my head around the idea that the tribe's star couple had split. To be honest I always knew Munkustrap was mildly unhappy with the relationship, mainly due to sexual frustration, but I had always figured he loved her too much to give her up over something like that.

"I got sick of all that paranoia. Face it, she was a space case--- you know that--- she'd freak out every time I so much as looked at her sideways." Munkustrap leant back against a pillow, "I just got tired of it. And as for Bombalurina... we just seemed to click." He gave me a knowing look, "you think I'm just using her for sex?"

"The thought has crossed my mind."

"You're right. At least, that's how it started out," he smiled, "she was really pissed off about you just leaving without a word and I, being the nice one, was the only tom who'd give her the time of day without wanting something else in return. So she gave me something in return anyway."

I crinkled my nose, "that's sick. Heaviside, you turned out to be one fucked up tom."

"And you didn't?" Munkustrap asked, and waved a paw at me, "what's with the street-tom look?"

"I took up with a pirate crew."

"Fuck. Really?"

"Yeah. Just felt like I needed to get away and the pirates seemed like the easiest and best option. I'd met their captain a short while earlier and he offered me a place on his crew..." I grinned sheepishly, "er, in not so many words, of course."

"Some life you've been living then."

"No worse than what's been going on here, I've heard."

###

I sat on top of the old rusted ford to watch the sunrise. As the sun rose over the top of the junkyard fence it glinted off various discarded objects that seemed to be strategicly placed to create a dance of shimmering light across part of the fence. I smiled, but it was empty. Something so beautiful should cheer me up, something that has remained untouched and exactly the same since the day I left. I'd reclaimed my old den and shooed out the spiders, having met most of the tribe again that evening. Now, if only I could stand another three months of the same thing. I sighed heavily, and turned my eyes back to the dancing light that was already starting to fade as the sun rose higher.

"Everlasting Cat, sometimes I wish it would stay sunrise forever," I murmered aloud.

"S-sometimes the junkyard seems like an entirely different place, don't you think?"

The quiet voice made me look up, a little startled to see Demeter's frightened face looking down at me from a slightly higher perch on another stack of nearby rubbish. I smiled at her and opened my mouth to reply, but the gold and black queen was already gone before I could start to speak. I shook my head. Munkustrap was right, what a basket case.

###

"Tugger?"

I carefully opened my eyes against the harsh afternoon sun, squinting to see who had decided to interrupt my catnap. The figure slowly came into focus and I found myself frowning, some part of me wondered how long it would take her to find me. "Jemima, what do you want?"

The young queen, slightly taller than she used to be, clasped her paws in front of her, "I wanted to see how you were... now that you're back."

"Not forever," I reminded her, and rolled over onto my side so that I could look at her.

"You're still back," she replied, "can I sit down?"

"If you like. I certainly don't see why not."

She sat down next to me and carefully peered into my face. "You have a scar," she said and traced the small white line that cut through my left eyebrow.

"From when the boom hit me in the face," I replied, smirking at the memory, "I was sparring with 'Tiger, didn't see it coming."

"It makes you look... dashing."

"'Dashing'?" My smirk slowly melted into a frown, "there's a reason you came to see me, isn't there?"

Jemima nodded, the pause in conversation enough time for me to appreciate how much she'd matured--- and not just in body. When she looked up at me her blue eyes were bright, sparkling with a light I'd seen more than a few times in my adult life. "I'm unmated."

I let my eyes wander over her form, perhaps a little too obviously, but if she was asking what I thought she could be then I wasn't about to sugar coat anything. When I told her that I wouldn't pretend those years ago what I'd meant was that I wouldn't pretend to myself anymore. A fuck was a fuck. I wouldn't be expecting her to stay this time. "And what has that got to do with me?"

"I was thinking perhaps you wouldn't mind sharing den with me tonight," she smiled, and licked her lips, "nobody has to know."

I let a lazy grin flow over my face, and reached a paw up to scratch underneath my chin curiously, "oh? What would we be doing exactly?"

Jemima's smile grew wicked, the tips of her fangs exposed ever so slightly. It was likely she knew with great clarity exactly how hot that made her look. "I was hoping you might be able to figure that out for yourself."

I played at contemplating for a second or so, but my decision had already been made. "I'll be waiting for you in my den," I told her and settled back down into my nap, "six months at sea without a lay, Jemi. Remember that."

I couldn't see her move, but I felt her stand to leave, "with great anticipation."

###

The sunset burnt with colours of red, gold and pink, like some lazy fire ignited by a lonely diety to warm their hearth for the night. Unlike sunrise the sunset always seems lonely to me, perhaps because I have nobody I'd care to watch it with. I stare out over the junkyard as the scenery fades to shadows, and I can see Alonzo and Tumblebrutus take their posts for the night watch out of the corner of one eye. A flicker of gold catches my attention, I turn my head just in time to see Demeter as she starts to walk to her den. Her path takes her almost directly in front of me, though she doesn't seem to notice. I frown thoughtfully.

"You look like you're wading through melted honey."

She looks up, startled, even more so to see me looking down at her. She doesn't speak and turns to flee. As she leaves I could swear I hear her voice saying quietly; "The day was warm today."

I must be going insane.

###

The sun has been gone for two hours when I hear soft paw-steps entering my den. She's here. I roll over and sit up and she sinks down onto my lap, paws splayed against my chest.

"This time you don't have to worry about daddy gutting you."

My lips find her throat, "shut up. I don't want to think about your daddy."

"Neither do I." Her paws find mine and place them on her chest. "I'm all yours tonight."

"You say that like I own you," it doesn't strike me as odd that we're talking like this while I grope her body and she wriggles against me.

"Only when you're in me. Only when you... touch me like that."

"Mmnn... oh yeah?" Large paws palm over her small breasts.

"Uh-huh... how do you---want me."

Breathing heavier. "However you'll have me."

My paws move lower. She gasps, "now! Now... Tugger."

"Shh... I'm taking my time, baby, don't you like this?"

"Please... now, please..."

"Baby, I want to lick you..."

"Oh!" Her paws clutch at my shoulders. "Tugger...!"

"Taste you..." Movement... mmm... slow.

"Now, Rumpus, now!"

"But, baby... sweet, I can't do that if I'm already inside you..."

Grinding hard, between her clenched thighs. "Don't care... please, fill me up!"

"Alright, baby... Jemi."

"Yes! Thank Heaviside!" Ahh... tight, hot...

"Rumpus, baby, you're so hot."

"More, Tugger... more, all of you."

"Yes... mmm..." She moans with me. "Jemima..."

...

###

I lay back against the cushions, head lolling back as I catch my breath. Everlasting Cat, that felt good. Jemima lies beside me, her panting starting to slow back into a normal rhythm of breath. After a moment she props herself up over me and bends her head to mine and her mouth closes over my lower lip. "You were good, baby."

She smiles down at me and stands up, "you want me here tomorrow?"

"Same time," I confer, lazy smile on my face, "same reason."

I watch her unconscious sway of her hips as she leaves, and smooth the fur of my mane down enough so that it looks like I've done nothing more than sleep restlessly. At least I wasn't just screwing the brains out of a kitten--- that's one good thing I can say about three years time having passed since the last time I was with her.