Losing the Innocence of Faith

Disclaimer: Shaun Mullins owns the song I think.

Losing the Innocence of Faith
Part Two

"Everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye"

"Come on, Mikey. I know that's bullshit." Gerard said to his younger brother on the drive to school the next day. "I haven't seen you cry like that since you were about five."

"It was a really bad dream." Mikey insisted, shifting his weight for he didn't know how many times since he sat down in Gerard's car. It hurt to sit. He folded his legs underneath him, but they arrived at the school in less than five minutes anyway.

Gerard looked at his brother as they got out of the car. He tossed Mikey his keys as they walked into the school. "I've got a detention tonight." he said. "Just don't waste too much gas and don't get pulled over. Be back by four. 'Kay, kid?"

"Yeah, whatever." Mikey said, making as though he were heading to his locker. And he did go to it. Long enough to drop off his books and be out of the school before the first bell rang. As he started Gerard's car he looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror before adjusting it. He was going to ditch school for the first time.

It didn't have the triumphant feel he expected.

After he turned onto the main drag, he dug around in Gerard's glovebox for the box of cigarettes he knew his older brother kept stashed there. He knew Gerard would kill someone if he found out his younger, asthmatic brother was smoking his cigarettes.

Mikey turned on the radio and rolled down the window, coughing on the cigarette. That, of course, would only happen if Mikey didn't choke to death on the smoke. He only smoked half the cigarette before he thought he might vomit, then threw it out the window.

He drove past the town limits and pulled over on the shoulder, getting out of the car and surveying the empty street. He could keep driving. He could leave New Jersey, leave the East Coast, or just leave Belleville. He could leave this nightmare behind.

But Gerard . . .

He choked on tears as he got back into the car. He couldn't leave. He'd just have to accept this nightmare until Gerard moved out of the house. That was only two more years.

Mikey put the car in drive and did a U-turn that left black marks as he drove back toward his hell. A rage he had never felt before welled inside of him. He wanted nothing more than to kill his father for doing this. For hating his oldest son for being gay and for raping Mikey and for placing this burden on him.

Mikey would die rather than betray Gerard and he would keep this secret, but at what price?

***

The younger Way brother pulled into the school parking lot at about five after four, after putting ten dollars in the gas tank. He put the car in park and slid into the passenger seat, knowing the car reeked of smoke and hoping Gerard might not notice.

Gerard got in and glared at his brother. "Nice cologne." he said dryly before pulling out of the parking lot, not caring about the spray of gravel that flew from his quick acceleration. "So when did you decide to start smoking, you idiot?"

"T-Today." Mikey said. He could be as rude and loud as he wanted with other people, but Gerard wasn't one of them. Not in situations like these at least.

"I didn't see you at lunch." Gerard said. "Or at your locker. Or checking out girls with Frankie during break." There wasn't an accusation in his voice. Gerard didn't need to accuse Mikey of anything. He knew. And he knew Mikey would tell him.

"I skipped." Mikey said, dropping his gaze to the hands in his lap.

Gerard chanced a glance at his brother before pulling out the pack and handing him one. Mikey hesitated for a second before pressing in the cigarette lighter. "Thanks." he said softly.

Gerard shrugged. "Just don't let Mom find out. She'll cry about Grandpa again."

Mikey gave a weak laugh. "Gee?"

"Hmmm?"

"I-If someone were going to hurt me or something, you'd protect me, right?" Mikey tried to make it sound casual and failed miserably.

Gerard glanced at Mikey sharply. "Is someone hurting you?"

Mikey tried to laugh but it got stuck in his throat. "No. I just saw something on TV." he said quickly, taking another drag of his cigarette and coughing. He could feel tears well up in his eyes, but he wasn't sure if it was his asthma acting up or his fear of Gerard finding out and their father acting on his promise.

Gerard's gaze refused to fade until a car honked and he swore, returning to the right side of the road. "Jesus." he muttered. "Smoking's bad for you, you know." he told Mikey as his younger brother coughed again.

Mikey rolled his eyes. "No kiddin'?" he said in a rather 'duh' tone. "I thought it was like a fucking vitamin pill."

"Stop being such a smartass." Gerard said, making a left hand turn.

"Gerard, we turn right here." Mikey said, confused. "We're going out to the train tracks. Aren't we supposed to be going home?" He coughed on his cigarette again and fumbled for his inhaler.

Gerard reached over and pulled the cigarette from his brother's fingers and threw it out the window. "Aren't we the genius? A smoking asthmatic."

"Bite me." Mikey said. His gaze fell to the dirt road they were driving on. "Gee, why are we going to the railroad tracks?"

"Because you're not telling me something." Gerard said. "I'm not stupid, Mikey. Hypothetical questions are never hypothetical. You're going to tell me who's hurting you."

Mikey shook his head. "I told you. I saw something on TV. Come on, Gerard. Let's just go. Please?"

"If you saw something on TV," Gerard said in a stern tone, "you wouldn't be so desperate right now." He put the car in park and turned to look at his brother, clearly upset. "Mikey, I need to know who's hurting you so that I can make it stop."

Mikey shook his head. "You can't make it stop." he whispered, then clasped his hands over his mouth. "Shit." The word was muffled.

Gerard pulled Mikey's hands from his mouth. "You have to tell me. I'll take care of it. I'll take care of you. I can't fix it if I don't know, Mikey."

"You can't fix it at all." Mikey whispered as tears started to form in his eyes. "You don't understand. Can we just go?"

Gerard still held tightly to Mikey's hands and brought each up to his lips, barely grazing the knuckles. Soft kiss that let Mikey know he was there. "I love you. I'm your older brother. I'm supposed to protect you, Mikey, and I will."

"I love you, too." Mikey said. "But you can't."

"Mikey--"

The younger boy through his arms around his brother. "J-Just hold me, Gee. Please?"

Gerard's arms closed around his brother gently. He kissed Mikey's temple and forehead and rocked him softly. "I love you."

Mikey nodded against Gerard's shoulder. "I love you, too."

---

So...review? *gives puppy dog eyes*