Kinda I want To

The concert was a week away and Astrid's excitement grew. Ingrid was involved with her own thing and had little to say about Astrid's life. But one day, Astrid accidentally left the ticket on the table one afternoon from looking at it for hours and her mother had found it. Frantically, Astrid searched for it but it was nowhere to be found. The next night, Astrid was depressed when Ingrid came into her room. "What's this?" her mother asked, holding the ticket up. "It's mine, mother", Astrid said, though she made no move to take it. "Why didn't you tell me about this concert? You know we don't hide things from eachother", Ingrid said. Her tone was low and casual, but Astrid knew better. Ingrid was angry. "Mother, Paris gave it to me as a gift and I would really like to go". Astrid stared at her mother and tried not to cry. She loved her mother very much and had immense respect for her even though Ingrid had her moments where she seemed like an unfit parent.
"You have better things to do than go to this...thing. You are supposed to be with me, working on your art, going to my shows. Nine Inch Nails? Who are they?" Astrid didn't explain anything because she didn't want to. Her mother was the most intelligent person she would ever know, but she could never understand how important this was to her. In fact, Ingrid didn't even listen to that type of music. Astrid didn't say anything and just looked at the wall. "I know your'e upset with me right now", her mother said calmly. "But I'm only trying to protect you. You know that'". And with that, her mother left the room. Astrid felt hot tears roll down her cheeks. There was no way out.
She reached over behind her nightstand where the one answer to all her problems lay. A small switchblade sat in a tiny box carved with her initials on it. Astrid had never cut herself before, never believed in it. But now she would prove to her mother how important this really was. She took the blade and examined it. It was incredibly sharp and near deadly. Astrid pulled her sleeve of her left arm up and looked at her skin. This was the first sacrifice.
She made a long, diaginal cut across her forearm and as the fresh blood welled beneath her skin, she knew she had made a mistake. Astrid leapt up from her bed and ran to the bathroom. Grabbing a washcloth, she pressed it against the wound and held it there for thirty seconds. When she took the cloth away, the cut still bled. Oh, God what if I cut an artery? she thought. "Mom!" she screamed, falling to the floor and holding the cloth to her arm. "What? What is it?" Ingrid rushed into the room. "Mother, I..." Astrid could barely speak as she showed her mother the cut. Ingrid gasped and grabbed her daughter's arm. "What in the hell did you do that for?" she asked. Astrid shook her head over and over, tears straming down her face. "Now, now, we don't cry Astrid. This isn't a big deal", her mother said hugging her daughter. "You're sixteen, you are still rebellious. I understand. If this concert means this much to you then I would rather you go than kill yourself". Astrid looked up at her mother. "What?" she asked. Ingrid smoothed Astrid's hair from her face. "You may go to that concert Astrid. Because I would rather you be around those type of things that let yourself be weakened by innocence. We are strong. If this kind of music affects you this much, that you may go".
Ingrid pulled the ticket out from her pocket and handed it to Astrid. Astrid took it reluctantly and nodded. "Thank you, mother", she said softly. "Now, if this mess can be cleaned up, you can get a good night's sleep, then if you're up to it tomarrow night, we can look at the stars together". She smiled at her daughter, warm and reassuring. Astrid stayed where she was, afraid to move. When Ingrid left, Astrid felt more confused than ever before. But she was going. At least she was going.

The rest of the week went by in a blur as Astrid was figuring out what to wear to the concert. When she decided that it would be her mother's thigh-high black boots, the boyshorts that Paris had given her and a black skimpy sleeveless belly shirt, she decided that it was perfect. She also decided to let the scabbed cut go un-bandaged. As a sighn that it had been a sacrifice for the music and the way she felt when she listened to it.
She took the bus to the concert venue, bringing along a rolled up poster of Trent Reznor that she wanted to get autographed. All the way there, she kept telling herself that everything would be fine. This was her first concert and she hoped she wouldn't get hurt. That was all.
The bus pulled into the parking lot of the building where the concert was held at. Since Nine Inch Nails was fairly popular in the state of California, a large arena was chosen. Astrid got off quickly and surveyed the scene. Crowds of people had descended from all over Los Angeles and San Francisco to see this concert since it was the last one of the tour. Kids dressed in black, red and purple and a variety of different colors were talking excitedly. People from all ages and sizes had come here to see the show and Astrid was nervous. She walked further towards the arena and as she looked up at it, it seemed to welcome her. Feeling small and somewhat alone, Astrid went in. She had left her hair down and loose and wore thick black eyeliner, purple eyeshadow and red lipstick despite her pale skin. Her mother wasn't home to approve of her decor or not, so Astrid was free to choose.
The arena was huge on the inside and smelled like popcorn, beer and sweat. Astrid felt smaller as she went in, bustled by people behind her. Taking her ticket out of her boot, she handed it to the bouncer who towered over her. He nodded and she went in. The night air seemed to shove her in and instantly the temperature inside the arena soared to sweltering degrees. Astrid didn't mind, she had dressed appropriately for the occasion.
Seeing all the different diversity of people around her, she wished her mother were here to see it. Artists, amature musicians and lovesick girls were there along with so many others. Astrid felt that nervous flutter of butterflies in her stomach as she struggled her way to the front. When she got to the barricades, she stayed right below the middle of the stage. This is so amazing, she thought. My first concert and getting to see the one person who's made my life so much different. She decided to fold her poster up and stick it in her boot for when the time was ready.
An hour passed before the lights went dark and when Astrid looked behind her, seeing the hundreds of fans awaiting their idol. Hands holding lighters, sighns and lingerie, heads thrown back screaming names and songs. A loud thunderclap explosion sounded onstage as Astrid turned and looked. Trent Reznor and the rest of the band walked onstage, holding guitars. Astrid grinned and joined the crowd in the screaming frenzy that broke the silence. NIN broke into the song called "Mr. Self Destruct" and Astrid sang along with the lyrics. Trent wore his hair down to his shoulders along with a black t-shirt and black leather shorts with lots of fishnet and a pair of black boots that were much like Astrid's.
He sang the lyrics long and sufferingly beautiful, with as much passion as Astrid felt when she painted. During the performance, he looked down at her and gave a small smile when he sang "I give you all you need to know". Astrid sang with him and the other fans, cheering and screaming along, letting the music take her. She was getting crushed against the barricades, but she didn't care. Not until someone shoved into her from behind and she almost fell. "Hey!" she shouted, but the man behind her was taken into the show. He was big and bald and nearly foaming at the mouth, his eyes rolling and not seeing. As she was about to say something, the man bowled into her again and this time she did fall. She fell to her knees and all she remembered were the pounding of feet. The music was louder this time and echoing into her ears. But she could no longer see the stage. Suddenly a hard boot came down upon her face and all she could see was blood. The stench of beer, sweat and blood rang in her nostrils as she struggled to get up, but she couldn't. It seemed like thousands of feet were crushing her entire body.
Astrid screamed but noone heard her. Noone even cared. She screamed and screamed again, but got no help. Finally something smashed into her head and she blacked out.