Without You

Tears began to swell in my eyes, the memories too painful to endure. After the movie, Ewan and I couldn't stand the thought of being apart. However, we knew what would happen if our love was exposed. As luck would have it, we both lived in London and it wasn't considered suspicious when we were seen walking around town together. We spent the few precious months of down time we had together. Everyday I felt complete when I woke up and looked over to witness a beautiful, sleeping Ewan. I loved to be in bed with Ewan, for more reasons than just sleeping.

Somtimes we would spend all day laying together, talking, laughing, touching. Ewan's favorite game to play involved stripped me naked and have me lay perfectly still while his hands roamed all over my skin. His fingers were like magnets that were immediately drawn to my body. He would start at my throat and slowly trace the lines my collarbones. Traveling a path down my chest, purposely avoiding my nipples. A low moan would always manage to escape my mouth when I felt him reach my stomach. He would linger there for an agonizing amount of time.

My skin would be boiling over at this point, my arousal more than noticeable. As much as I wanted him to take in his mouth and finish me off, I wanted his hands to be placed on me even more. I can still remember his touch, so soft, so tender. I'll never know that touch again. I swallowed hard as a single tear drop trickled down my cheek.

The visions of that horrid night came crawling back into my heard. Ewan and I were having a quiet meal at my place. Our conversation turned to the press junket that we were being forced to comply with to promote the latest installment of Star Wars. We were joking about how we would have to answer the same five questions over and over again. I don't remember how but somehow, our chat turned to the dreaded question "So, are you currently in a relationship?" I laughed. I confided in Ewan that I would simply avoid the question with some clever answers. But Ewan didn't think that was so funny. With nothing but seriousness he asked me something I had been avoiding.

"But you aren't single, Hayden. When are you going to admit to the rest of the world about us? Are you ashamed? Because I certainly am not."

I froze. His eyes filled with confusion and sadness, mine filled with terror at the thought of everyone knowing the truth. We stopped eating and started to fight. We threw terrible insults at one another and made false accusations about the others true motives. After awhile, Ewan grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. I made a mad dash to stop him, I didn't want the evening to end on this kind of sour note. I grasped his arm and tried to pull him close to me but he fought to escape. After a brief stuggle, Ewan turned around and smacked me across the face-hard. I leaned against the wall for support, I was too shocked to move. Before either of us could say a thing, Ewan left my house.

It was the last time I would ever feel his touch on my skin again.