Something In My Head

“Nah, you go first.” Zack flopped onto his bed and pretended to doze off while Matt got his stuff for the shower. Once the door closed Zack began to tremble.

He felt sick, he didn’t know what Matt would if, no, when he found out Zack was gay. Zack had known he was gay for awhile; he’d also been fighting what he was since he found out. He had been faking it well enough, occasionally though, a guy would walk past and he would find himself looking a little longer than necessary but no one seemed to notice. He got with groupies at almost every chance. But now his sickness had targeted Matt, he couldn’t hide from Matt. He tried to tell himself he wasn’t gay, no, no, no. Yet here he was trying to screw up enough courage to tell his friend he fantasized about guys, him in particular. Zack didn’t realize he fell asleep until he felt a gentle shake on his shoulder, “Zack, Zacky, What is it?” Matt’s voice was worried. Zack opened his eyes and saw the singer leaning over him with a curious and worried expression on his face.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Zack said sleepily. The look on Matt’s face didn’t change, “You were freaking out while you were asleep, you almost hit me in the face a couple times while I was trying to wake you up. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Zack didn’t look at him.

“Bullshit Zacky, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Zack sighed, he couldn’t lie to Matt, never could.

“Everything…I’m, sick.” Zack didn’t look at him, he could feel tears burning his vision, but he blinked them away.

“What, Zacky what’s wrong? What happened.” Matt settled next to him on the bed.

Reality: Tell him
Denial: Don’t
Sex Drive: Did anyone else notice, he’s only pajama pants *drool*

A few tears escaped his eyes and fell softly on his hands folded in his lap. “Matt, I…” His tears fell more rapidly as he tried to tell his friend what was wrong.

“Oh Zacky, just tell me, I wanna help, but I can’t if you keep pushing me away.” Matt tipped Zack’s head up, forcing the guitarist to look at him. Gently he brushed away the fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Zack felt his throat constrict as a sob tried to escape. Matt shifted so he could pull Zack onto his lap, “I’ll help you figure it out and don’t try to tell me you’ll do it yourself, ‘cause I’m not letting you go until I know what’s wrong.”

Sex Drive: Don’t tell!
Denial: We can’t tell him, he’ll hate us
Reality: We agreed to tell him

“Matt…Matty, don’t hate me, please don’t.” Zack felt himself begin to shake again.

“What? Why would I hate you?” Matt pulled him closer, gently he began to untangle Zack’s silky hair.

Reality: See he wouldn’t hate us
Denial: Yes, he would only despise our very existence
Sex Drive: Do you realize he’s only wearing pajama pants! That’s practically nothing
Reality/Denial: SD, SHUT UP!
Reality: We’ve known him for years, we’ve been hiding this from him long enough. He might hate us, but he has the right to fucking know!
Denial: There’s nothing for him to know, we aren’t gay
Sex Drive: Yes we are! We wanna fuck him, you know it! We all know it, now stop being a pussy about it and tell him!
Reality/Denial: *speechless*

Matt was humming a soft melody in his ear; Zack turned in his embrace and buried his face in the crook of Matt’s neck.

“Matt…”

Denial: Don’t!
Reality: God Dammit, tell him!
Sex Drive: Fuck Me!!

“I’m…I, like, guys…gay, I’m gay” Zack whispered the words, but apparently Matt heard, he pulled away from Zack. Breaking out of the loose embrace Zack ran towards the door, or what he hoped was the door, his eyes were so blurred with tears he couldn’t really tell what anything was. Crying or not, he knew who the strong arm belonged to that wrapped around his waist.

Denial: We are so fucked, he’s gonna kill us!
Sex Drive: Fucked? I don’t see the problem
Reality: Oh Shit


Ohhhh, what happens next? I know =)