I'm Not Gay

|| Tom’s PoV ||



My friends were real assholes mistaking the faerie boy for me. If they seriously thought I would cut off my dreadlocks for anything, they had completely lost it! My mom says I have been dreading out my hair since before I was born. It’s impossible for her to know that though, I was adopted. Something Urie makes sure to tell me at every chance he gets. Urie is my supposed to be father. I don’t look at him that way, even though I do look at Hailey as my mother.



“Good afternoon, Tom, sweetie.” I heard my mom call as I walked into the house from school. I could already smell the brownies she had made. Mom was like that, she would always bake something on Monday’s. Mondays were her only day off and she figured they were the first day of the week, and those were always the worst. Well, today sure had been the worst Monday. Not only did I find out that my two best friends thought the faerie boy was me, but so did half the school. We really didn’t look that much alike. Just the same eye colour. I swear it.



I sighed in my lost thoughts, okay so more then our eye colour looked the same. Everything did. He looks a little taller then me, but cut off his hair and I’m sure we’d be the same height. And even though you can’t tell, under my clothes I’m a lot skinner then anyone would expect- but that was my own secret. We did look alike…



“Hey Mom,” I said as I walked into the kitchen, dropping my backpack on the floor and sitting down at the kitchen table. This is the part of the day where mom puts a freshly baked whatever in front of me and asks me about my day. I tell her some boring shit- nothing normally happens. Then she does on about her day. Hers is always much more boring then mine, but seems to take twelve hours longer to tell.



“How was your day, Tomi?” She asked me as if on cue, putting a still warm brownie and glass of milk in front of me. I scowled a bit from the name; I only ever let her get away with it when only the two of us were in the room. Besides, I needed to ask her something. Fairy boy Bill was in nearly all my classes and something just wouldn’t leave my mind about it. So I had to stay nice to get answers.



“There’s a new kid in school.” I said, my fingers picking at the brownie in front of me before I put a piece of it into my mouth. My mom just sat across from me and nodded, she could tell there was more. “He’s weird. His name is Bill and he dresses like a fag-”



“Tom!”



“Sorry, Mom.” I continued, “Anyways, his clothes are all tight and he wears make-up and shit. And before I got there, everyone at school kept thinking he was me.” I frowned a little, pushing a dread over my shoulder and readjusting my hat before my mom just pulled it off my head, giving me the look saying I shouldn’t be wearing the hat in the house anyways. I just shrugged it off, “Even Georg and Gustav. They honestly thought the Bill kid was me.” I looked up at my mom. “So I have a question…”



My mom knew the look on my face; I had the same look when Urie said something to me about it a few years back. It’s when I was questioning my past. Before Mom and Urie. “Yes, sweetie?” She asked as I ate more of the brownie to please her and took a sip of the milk.



“About my adoption?” It was a touchy subject, I knew that. Mom has always been touchy about that since she couldn’t have any kids of her own so there were days when she couldn’t really talk about it. When I was little and she was in one of those moods, she would constantly remind me that I was her real kid, blood or not. She nodded at me and told me to continue, she was okay today. “When you adopted me, was there only one of me?” I asked. I couldn’t think of a better way to ask it- even though I knew it sounded funny.



It took my mom a minute to decode what I had said, “Like a twin?” She asked, and I nodded in response, finishing off the brownie that was already starting to make my stomach turn. I held it back though. “No, Tom. There were no mentions of a twin. There was only one of you. There always will be.” She smiled at me as she got up and grabbed my empty plate and glass before taking her free hand and running it down the side of my face, “Don’t let the kids at school confuse you like that. It is possible for someone to kind of look like you. But there is probably something very different about the two of you. If you get to know him, I’m sure you’ll see that.”



I snorted a bit at that. I had my friends and I wasn’t up for getting any new ones. “Yeah, right mom.” I said with a roll of my eyes as I stood up, stretching out my long limbs a bit.



She gave me a look. Damnit. Now she was gonna go all Mom on me. “Tom, he’s new and he probably could use good friends. Don’t brush him off like that just because he’s not Georg or Gustav. You could-”



“Use some new friends because Georg and Gustav will be going to college before I know it.” I knew that by heart. Mom said it all the time. They are older then me. Georg was supposed to graduate last year, he’s only still there because he slacked off a year and had to repeat it. So they’re both graduating this year instead. “Yeah, yeah. I got homework, can I talk to you later?” I asked, I didn’t know how much longer I could hold down that food.



“Alright, I need you to run to the store for me in about an hour Tom, you’re dad needs a prescription picked up and it’d be great if you could do that for me.” She said as she started the water to wash the few dishes in there.



“Yeah sure,” I said, waving my hand and grabbing up my backpack before I ran up the stairs and right to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door before I dropped the bag and leaned over the porcelain basin, empting the few contents of my stomach there was. I knew this was a problem, I knew I wasn’t fat, but I couldn’t stand the idea of getting fat.



Once there was nothing left I flushed the toilet and got up to brush my teeth and rinse my mouth out. This was a many times a day thing. And I locked myself in here at least a half hour after school everyday. I pulled off my shirt and tossed it to the ground before I looked at myself in the mirror. Tall, skinny, and just the smallest hint of a tan from over the summer that adorned my skin. I looked over every part of my body for an imperfection- most people would never think I’d be the one to have an eating disorder, like I would care what I look like. But I’m more vain then people give me credit for. Besides, I look fat enough with the muscles I’ve gotten from playing guitar and taking any gym class I can.



I do have an image to uphold.



My ritual in the bathroom always took a half hour, no more, no less. I pulled my clothes back on and went to my room, grabbing one of my hats and pulling it over my head before going back down the stairs with my iPod in my hand. “Money, Mom!” I said, walking into the kitchen where I knew I’d find her.



She pulled a ten dollar bill from her pocket and handed it to me, “Pick up some milk while you’re there too, sweetie. Would you?”



“No problem.” I said to her, slipping the money in my own pocket and heading out to the corner drug store down the street. I put my headphones in my ears, turning up the music all the way as I walked trying to drown out my thoughts. Even with my mom’s reassurances, without the thoughts of my own ritual drowning out my thoughts, faerie boy Bill was back on my mind. I must avoid him like the plague from now on.



Just my luck, right? As soon as I walked into the store, there he was. He was in the make-up isle, you could see it right when the automatic doors opened for you. His hip was cocked out and his hand was resting on it, you could see a bit of his skin where his to small shirt was raised. It didn’t help that he was wearing pants that rode low on his hips either.



Despite my own intentions, I took my earphones out and put them away and walked over to him; he noticed me right away and smiled. “Hey Tom,” He said it as though we had been best friends for years.



I didn’t say hello back. I only pushed the long dreadlocks over my shoulder and gave him a warning look, “You might not want to be caught looking at this shit. People are going to start thinking that you’re gay, with the way you dress and all.” I said.



He laughed a bit and shrugged his shoulder, grabbing a black eye-liner off the shelf and look it over in his hands before putting it back, “Well, I am.”



I was a little surprised, “You are what?” I asked, slipping my hands into my pockets and fumbling with my iPod in my pocket for something to do.



“I’m gay,” He said, grabbing a different one and deciding that was the right one I guess as he held it in his hand and turned back to look at me. “Does that frighten you?”



I shrugged my own shoulder and shook my head, “No, not really. I’m just not.” I told him. Why was I even talking to this kid?



“You’re not what?” He asked me, playing on my own words to him.



I laughed. So maybe he wasn’t so bad. Surprising myself again, I found I liked him more then I thought I would. “I’m not gay.” I said simply.



“Well, now that we have that clear, maybe you can help me with something?” He asked, a serious look on his face.



I shrugged again, I was doing that a lot right now. “I guess, what is it?”



He smiled at me and held the eye-liner out to me, “Does this look black enough? I mean like, black black. Not grey black.” He said, he couldn’t be seriously asking me this. But the look on his face said otherwise.



“Uh, yeah? I guess it does.” I said unsure. Why would I know a damn thing about make-up? But my answer seemed to appease him, because he smiled at me and tilted his head to the side as he looked at me. It made me feel a little uneasy and I shifted from foot to foot, “What?” I finally asked, starting to feel really unnerved by his stare.



“Nothing!” He said, his smile never fading, even though I know my voice sounded very accusing at the time. “I just see why everyone thought I was you today.” He shrugged a little this time. “You have to admit, we look a lot alike.”



I laughed this time, shaking my head, “That school’s just full of a bunch of dumb asses. If they knew me at all they’d know I’d never wear make-up, or cut my hair like yours or wear anything close to what you are.”



“I like the way I look, thank you very much.” He said, crossing arms over his chest as he studied me more, “You look like me when I’m not wearing make-up though. It’s almost like we’re twins or something.” He said, but he laughed right after. “That’s a silly thought, isn’t it? It’s not possible. We’d have to be like, adopted or something.”



I hadn’t noticed, but we were walking away from the make-up now. I was relieved by that. I don’t like being around girly shit like that. I was heading to get the milk for my mom, he was just following me. “I was adopted.” I said to him, though my face flushed red after that. It was something I had never told anyone before. But I just willingly told him.



“Really?” He seemed surprised but that didn’t stop him from talking anymore. “I wasn’t. At least, I don’t think I was. My parents never said anything to me.” He was nearly skipping as we walked; it made me even more uneasy, like everyone was staring at us. But there weren’t many other people in the store, so I just shrugged it off.



“Good for you.” I said, pulling the milk from the contents of the stores fridge, “If you tell anyone that I was, I’ll cut your throat in your sleep.” I warned. I didn’t know where he lived. I didn’t know anything about him other then the way he looked and his name was Bill.



He laughed at my threat, not realizing I was completely serious about it all, “Don’t worry, Tomi, I won’t tell anyone.”



I flinched at the nick name. Why did he just call me that? Only my mom ever did. “Please don’t ever call me ‘Tomi’.” I said to him, scratching the back of my neck. He just shrugged and followed me as I picked up Urie’s prescription and walked up to the front to pay for the milk. He paid for his make-up first, to my surprise, he waited for me. I just shrugged it off again and walked out of the store with him.



“Which way you headed?” He asked me, tossing the bag they threw his pencil in and slipping the thing in his pocket instead. How he fit anything in those pockets was beyond me. They were tight as hell.



“This way,” I said, nodding to the right to head back home. He smiled and walked with me. I was confused. “What are you doing?”



He laughed, “I’m not following you if that’s what you think. I live down this street too.” He explained, “Moved in on Saturday.”



I racked my brain for a minute; I vaguely remembered a moving truck when Georg came to pick me up. A moving truck… right next door to me. No. Fucking. Way. We were quiet the rest of the way as we walked down the street, and I turned off at my house, “Uhm, I guess I see you at school, Bill.” I said.



He smiled, “Yeah! I’ll see you,” He said turning onto the grass next door. The kid lived next to me. This was to fucked up.



I should have just let him walk into his house. I should have just ignored him all day at school tomorrow and forget about him all together. But I couldn’t. What he had said was racking my brain and I had to get to know him. “Bill!” I called before he could open his door.



He turned and looked at me, that smile I was already starting to memorize was on his face again. “Yeah?” he asked, his hand once against on his cocked out hip with his shirt rising up.



“Uhm…” I had to say something. I didn’t want him thinking I was some sort of an idiot. “If you’re not doing anything later, why don’t you come over after dinner or something?”



His smile widened and looked almost to big for his face. “Sure, my mom cooks at six. I’ll be over around seven!” He said and disappeared into his house.



Perfect, that at least gave me an excuse to skip out on dinner. My own mom cooked around seven. When I got into the house, mom wasn’t in the kitchen anymore. I left the script on the counter and put the milk away before heading to my room. Doing anything and everything to get Bill out of my head. I realized a few things though, other then the fact that there was an indent in my wall from where either me or the guys had hit it, other then the fact that the fucking cat had torn up the bottom of the curtains mom had so carefully picked out for my room, was that Bill had a really cute smile. That whenever he laughed he flipped some of his long black hair over his shoulder. That he had this one piece of blonde that constantly fell over his eyes. Eyes that looked just like mine except they were covered in make-up. I realized that I noticed way to much about him for my own sanity. Because fact of the matter is, I’m not gay.