louder than words

Ville spent most of the night just watching the fallen angel sleeping in his bed. He had no idea what could have happened to make the beautiful young man so introverted and scared but he knew that he wanted to try and make it better for him.

He finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning but was awake again by 9am and, not wanting to wake Bam, decided to take the long shower that he hadn't had the night before. Nearly 45 minutes later he finally exited the steam filled room to find a sleepy, innocent looking Bam sitting up in the bed and looking around him as though he'd expected it all to have been a dream.

"Morning. Did you sleep well?"

Bam nodded enthusiastically and Ville grinned at him happily. "Cool. If you go and get ready to leave, we'll go down to the hotel's restaurant with the other guys and get some breakfast and some coffee."

Nodding again, Bam emerged from the warmth of the bed and padded barefoot into the bathroom with the clothes that Ville had given him the night before. He didn't take long though and soon he found himself back in the elevator with Ville heading down the the lobby to drop Ville's bag off and to get some food.

As they stopped at one of the floors a large group of business men crowded in causing Bam to back up in fear, finding himself pressed against Ville who was standing against the back wall. When Ville's arms wrapped round him and pulled him even closer, he wanted to scream from the fear bubbling up inside him but to his relief, nothing else happened. Ville didn't hurt him and didn't try anything. Instead, his warm, accented voice whispered reassurances in his ear the entire time.

"It's ok Bam, they're not gonna hurt you, I'm not gonna hurt you. You're safe here with me sweetheart, I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

And even though he knew he shouldn't trust him, Bam couldn't help but relax into his arms and pretend, for a few seconds at least, that everything was going to be ok. He still breathed a sigh of relief when they reached the ground floor and they all got out though.

"Are you ok?" Ville asked, the second they got out of the metal box.

Keeping his eyes glued to the floor Bam nodded sharply, his jaw clenched in shame and frustration.

"No need to lie to me Bam." Ville said gently. "It's ok to be scared, it just means you're human."

When Bam still didn't look up, Ville decided to drop the subject, opting instead to pull him into the restaurant. "I can't wait to get some coffee, I'm useless in the morning until I've had my first cup." He confessed with a laugh, happy when it elicted a small smile from the younger man.

Spotting his friends already sitting at a large table, he led Bam over and sat down, allowing Bam to sit at the end in case he got nervous. The band greeted them both happily and even Mige asked Bam if he slept well, to which Bam nodded shyly, not making eye contact with the large man for long.

Handing a menu to Bam, Ville looked over his own, his stomach growling as he read the list of tempting foods. "Do you know what you're having?" He asked when he saw Bam looking at the menu like it was all written in a foreign language.

No. What are you having? He wrote, after pulling the notebook out of his pocket.

"Probably the scrambled eggs and a fruit salad, with coffee of course!" Ville replied.

Can I have that too?

"Sweetheart, you can have whatever you like. Is that what you want?"

Bam nodded and Ville called a waitress over to place their order as the rest of the band had gotten impatient and ordered theirs earlier.

"What do you want to do today?" Ville asked softly and when Bam just looked at him in confusion he rushed to explain himself. "We have the day off today until it's time for the gig so I thought maybe we could do something."

I should be getting back to my street. Bam wrote and Ville frowned unhappily.

"I don't like you going back there, you're too young to be living like that."

It's not like I have many more options.

"You do now, you could come on tour with us."

And then what? When the tour finishes I end up back on the streets but in a strange country. I'm not a charity case and I'm not a stray pet you can just adopt.

Bam threw the notebook on the table and walked out of the restaurant, Ville following shortly behind, clutching the book tightly in his hand. He found Bam standing outside the hotel leaning against the wall, obviously trying to figure out which direction his 'home' was in.

"I know all that Bam." Ville said, leaning against the wall beside him and handing the notebook back. "I just like you, you seem like a nice guy and I want to be able to help you if I can. I have an idea, just hear me out before you go running off ok?"

Bam nodded reluctantly and Ville continued before he could change his mind. "We've been looking for a Roadie for months now but most people aren't willing to be away from their homes and families for months at a time. If you took the job you'd get somewhere to sleep, regular meals and showers and you'd get paid. All you'd have to do is help set things up for the gigs and take everything down again when we finish."

He could see that Bam was started to seem interested so he pushed the subject some more.

"We'd both be helping each other out so there's no charity involved and you'd get to see different countries."

Would I be working with other people if I said yes to this?

"Not yet. Not until you start getting used to being around people again."

Can I think about it?

"Sure. How about you spend the day with me then come to our gig tonight. You can hang around backstage with us and see how the crew work. You'll have to make your decision by the time we get on the bus after the gig though because we'll be going straight out of town."

Ok but if I still say no, you'll let me go?

"You're not being held hostage, you can leave at any time, but I'd really like you to stay."

I'll stay til after the gig and then I'll decide.

They stood in silence for a while soaking up the morning sunshine before Ville found the writing journal being pushed back into his hands.

I'm not hungry any more, can we go for a walk or something?

"Of course. Any idea where you wanna go?"

No, lets just walk.

Ville had to fight off the urge to wrap his arm around Bam's waist and hold him close as they walked along the path. Bam was so lost and alone and broken that it surrounded him like an aura and Ville could see it all too well. He wasn't sure what he could possibly do to help him but he was willing to try and do whatever it took.

He turned to ask Bam a question only to notice that the silent young man wasn't next to him any more. Looking round, he found him standing on the sidewalk staring into the park that had ramps and a skateboard hire place, and as Ville walked back to him he could see that Bam was watching the skaters with a look of envy and longing.

"Did you used to skate or do you just like watching it?" Ville asked softly, not wanting to startle the man who obviously hadn't realised that Ville had been gone in the first place.

I used to skate all the time.

"Were you any good?"

I was in talks with companies to sponsor me.

"So what happened?"

I don't want to talk about it.

"Ok, that's fair enough, come on then." Walking through the gate, Ville waited for Bam to follow him before going up to the hire counter and hiring a skateboard for an hour.

"Here you go." He said, holding out the board to a thoroughly confused Bam.

"You looked like you missed it and I'd like to see what you can do if you don't mind. It's always amazed me when people can skate because I'm rubbish at it. He explained when Bam didn't take the board.

I don't know if I'll be any good, I haven't done it in a while.

"That's ok, you don't need to impress anyone, just have fun."

What are you going to do?

"I'm just gonna sit and relax for a while, maybe grab a coffee from that takeaway stand over there. Don't worry about me, just enjoy yourself, I'll still be here when you're done."

Bam took the board from him, hestitating as though there was something he wanted to say or do but was too scared of the outcome. Their eyes locked and Ville found himself almost drowning in the deep blue.

Seconds, minutes, maybe hours passed, neither man knew but the sound of someone cursing as they fell off their board broke the spell and both men were shocked to notice that they had moved in closer to each other, so close to kissing that Ville could feel Bam's warm breath on his face. Bam pulled his head back so sharply that Ville was suprised he didn't get whiplash, the look of a cornered animal on his face before he turned and fled to the ramps, not once looking back.

Running a hand wearily through his hair, Ville headed over to the vendor for a cup of overpriced, weak coffee before finding a bench where he had a clear view of Bam. As he watched the skater get used to the feel of a board underneath his feet again, his mind started to drift to what had just happened. What if they hadn't been interupted? Would they have kissed? Would Bam have let it happen or would it have scared him away and destroyed the fragile connection they'd managed to establish.

He could admit to himself that he was attracted to the boy, hell, he'd wanted him from the moment he got a proper look at those beautiful eyes but he wasn't going to do anything about when he'd obviously been traumitized and abused. He wanted Bam to trust him so he could help him and that meant backing off and letting him control what happened.

His thoughts were shattered when his phone started to ring in his pocket. He smiled to himself when he saw that it was Burton, and he pressed the connect button, putting the awful coffee into the trash can next to him.

"Hey Burton, everything ok?"

"You tell me, you're the one that left the hotel and didn't come back, we've all been worried about you."

"Sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean to worry you, Bam was a little upset and wanted to go for a walk so I went with him. We'll probably be out all day so we'll just meet you at the venue."

"We? You're bringing him with you? He's not a pet you can just keep, Ville."

"Why does everyone keep saying that to me? I know he's not, I just want to help him. There's something about him that just calls to me and I wouldn't be able to cope with the guilt if we just dropped him back on some street corner somewhere. He's still a kid for fucks sake. I've already asked him to take the roadie job and he said he'd let us know by the time we leave tonight."

"Ok, I get what you're saying, we just want to make sure you're not doing it for the wrong reasons."

"And what reasons would they be?" Ville asked, his voice low and strained with repressed anger.

"Well you and Jonna have just broken up and you need to make sure that you're not using him as a distraction." Burton said gently.

Ville didn't even bother replying, he was so angry that his friends thought he was capable of using someone like that, that he just hung up, switching off his phone so he wouldn't have to deal with them trying to talk to him when he was so upset with them that he might say something he'd end up regretting.

He returned his attention back to Bam who was now standing at the top of one of the ramps, a look of nervous determination on his face, and he winced slightly as he thought of all the things that could possibly go wrong. But it seemed as though Bam was a complete natural and despite not having skated for a while he managed to make Ville's jaw drop with some of the stunts he was doing.

In fact, he soon had quite a crowd watching him, clapping and cheering at everything he did. He didn't seem to be too aware of them though, it was like he knew they were there but he was blocking them out so he could focus completely on what he was doing. Ville was so enthralled by how incredible Bam was, doing things he didn't even know was possible, that it wasn't until he finally stopped and came wandering back over to him, that Ville realised they'd been there for almost three hours instead of the one that he'd paid for.

Ville took the board back to the counter and pulled out his wallet ready to pay for the other hours but was stopped by the guy in charge.

"Hey, that skater kid, is he a friend of yours?"

"Yeah I know him." Ville answered warily.

The manager held out a business card. "Give him this. My cousin works with Element and they're always looking for new talent, and that kid has talent by the bucketload. He can keep the board too. I've never seen anything like it at a place like this, it's always young kids trying it out for the first time. He's gonna be huge and it'll be great knowing that he has one of our boards when he's famous."

"Thanks, I'll tell him. You don't know how much that'll mean to him." Ville grinned, taking the card. After being told that he didn't have to pay for the extra time, Ville wandered back over to Bam who was looking distinctly nervous at all the people staring at him.

"It's ok sweetheart, they're just thinking how great you are, nothing to worry about." He said, reaching out to touch him, but stopping short, in case he scared him.

Bam smiled hesitantly up at him but frowned when he saw that Ville still had the skateboard in his hands.

"This is a present from the manager." Ville grinned. "He said you were so fantastic that he wanted you to have it for when you become famous! he also gave me Elements business card for you to ring so they can scope you out."

The look of happiness and disbelief on Bam's face made everything worthwhile and made Ville want to laugh just because it was the first time he'd seen the younger man look totally happy since they'd met. Bam took the board, cradling it gently like he was scared that if he looked away from it or stopped touching it, it would disappear.

As they started walking down the street again, Ville placed a hand on Bam's back, and he smiled happily when he didn't pull away, allowing the small contact without flinching. The rest of their day was spent wandering around the small town contentedly, eating ice cream and window shopping although Ville decided that if Bam did take the job then the first thing they would do was get him some new clothes and shoes.

Once they got to the venue, Ville gave Bam a small tour, showing him who the roadies were but not introducing him, not wanting to ruin the peacefulness of the day by making Bam retreat back into his shell again. He found Bam a quiet spot by the side of the stage where he could watch but not be bothered by anyone and left him to watch their warm up band 'Kill Hannah' while he went and got ready to go onstage.

"Ville, listen I'm sorry about...." Burton tried to talk to him as he entered the dressing room but Ville interupted him.

"We don't have time to go into this right now. What you said really hurt me and I'm not ready to talk to you about it, you'll have to wait."

He walked into the bathroom to freshen up, not caring what the rest of the band thought.

Despite everything, the gig was brilliant. The crowd were warm and welcoming, the screams almost drowning out the music at times, his voice was on top form and the band worked well together. He spent a lot of the time at the left hand side of the stage so he could check on Bam every so often and was pleased to see that he seemed to be enjoying it, even bobbing his head lightly to the music.

He let out a heavy sigh as they left the stage though, knowing that not only would he have to have a discussion about what had happened with the band, he also had to face the fact that he might have to leave Bam behind if he refused the help that Ville so desperately wanted to give him.

You were amazing. You have a fantastic voice. He read as Bam handed him the book bashfully.

"Thank you sweeheart, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Just wait here for us a second while we grab our things and we'll go over to the bus."

Bam nodded, not looking at him as he rested himself against the wall, having an inner debate about what he should do. Part of him wanted to go with them, to have the chance of a proper job and get to know the wonderful guy who'd been so good to him. But the other part, berated him for being so stupid, knowing first hand that trusting people only got him hurt.

When they emerged, he followed them down the road to the car park, watching as they all got on the bus, leaving Ville outside to talk to him, neither of them knowing what the answer was going to be.

"Look, Bam. I know it's hard for you to believe but I promise you that none of us want to hurt you. I know you're scared and something bad has obviously happened to you but it can get better, just let us help you." Ville pleaded, unsure of why it was so important to him but knowing that somehow it was.

Bam thought hard for a moment before finally looking Ville in the eyes. Before he had a chance to make any indication of his choice though, a loud, angry voice rang out through the deserted car lot.

"THERE HE IS. YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY FROM US? WE'LL FUCKING KILL YOU FIRST."

Bam turned to see the figures from his nightmares heading towards them. Three huge, muscled men carrying an assortment of weapons all intent on killing him for something that he hadn't done in the first place. He thought he'd been able to hide away from them, he never thought they'd find him again but there they were and he knew they would have no hesitations in killing Ville as well.

Turning back to Ville in complete terror, he nodded his consent to the offer quickly, pushing Ville onto the bus, fear and adrenaline pumping through him as he slammed the door shut behind them and locked it. Running to the front of the bus, thankful that the driver was already there Ville yelled out for him to go, the panic in his voice obvious as the thugs started to close in.

Not even questioning what was happening, the driver screeched out of the car park as fast as he could, leaving the men running hopelessly after them shouting threats.

Once they'd gotten far enough down the road to slow down a little, Ville headed back to where he'd left Bam but panicked slightly when he couldn't see him. He was about to go and check the bunks when the sound of sobbing reached his ears and he found Bam wedged in the small gap between the sofa and the wall, his knees drawn up to his chin, sobbing into the denim of his jeans.

"Sweetheart, it's ok, they've gone." Ville cooed gently. "Come out and sit here with me for a bit, we need to talk about what was going on. I'm not angry at you kulta, I just need to know what that was about."

His sobbing slowly subsiding, Bam wriggled his way out of the tiny hiding place and slowly got to his feet. The panic, fear and emotion of all that had happened to him in the last two days finally caught up with him though and his body finally did the only thing it could think of to protect him, and he collapsed, Ville just managing to catch him before he hit the floor.