New Beginnings

Every time I bleed I feel my problems drain out of me.
I end up feeling happier.
I feel like things will get better, but my addiction won't stop.
I cut again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and I can't stop.
I can't stop cutting.
I can't stop bleeding.
I know I screwed up my life.
It's taken over it.
There’s no stopping.
I'm both the victim and the abuser.
I never thought of it as a problem.
I put hints out there to see how far I can push the topic before anyone mentions something.
But it seems that no one does.
It seems that only two people do.
How did you stop?
How did you stop when so many bad things happened to you?
How did youknow when to put down the razor?
Are you ashamed of your scars?

I know I am, yet I add more.
Why am I obsessed with seeing blood run down my arm?
Why do I like the way cuts look the day after?
Why do I like the pain?
Why do I keep my razors, covered in blood, in a glass jewelry box, that my Grandma gave to me, next to my bed?
Why does it soothe me?
Keep me calm?
Why does a cut say something that I can't say out loud?
Why does blood take the place of tears?

Why can’t I stop?
...If I do, are you enough to stop?