Whose Universe Are We In?

1

**Everything hurts. My head, my back, my chest, as if I’ve been crushed, run over by a truck. I surface briefly I think, there are dim lights and soft voices, a woman’s amongst them. I don’t recognise hers though I vaguely recognise the man’s. My eyelids must flutter or something because I feel a hand behind my head lifting me slightly as something truly vile is tipped down my throat. My mouth is clamped shut and my throat stroked like trying to get a cat to swallow a worming pill. I swallow the ghastly concoction. I’m out like a light in seconds.**

****

“Dan, Dan, are you awake?”, is hissed in a low whisper. Dan starts to surface and sinks back into the pillows with a groan. He attempts to open his eyes. Everything is blurred, reduced to vague shapes and colours, he closes them again. He hears a rustling beside him, to his left, and can feel the bed dip as someone sits on it. He’s definitely in a bed, this much he knows in his semi-somnolent state. Everything feels fuzzy both inside and outside of him and for some reason he can’t see properly. He knows he should be more concerned but finds it hard to care. He feels drugged and spaced out. What the hell’s going on?

Attempts to move. His arms sort of stick to the bedding, cloth grating over cloth. Funny, he could have sworn he was naked when he dozed off. Surreptitiously, he pats himself with his hands: he’s not naked now, in fact he seems to be in......pyjamas?! What the fuck? And covered up, with sheets and blankets. In a single bed if the vague explorations with his feet are telling him aright, a narrow single bed.....when he crashed out on a double entwined with his lover.....

Bloody hell, lover. Ignoring the pain still trying to hammer it’s way out of his head,, he attempts to sit up and is assisted by a strong arm under his shoulders with a whispered, “Easy now, Dan. Come on, let me sit you up a bit”. He can feel pillows moved behind his back and he’s positioned to sink back into them at a rough forty-five degree angle. When he stills, his head stops banging and he can let out a held breath.

He dares to open his eyes. He still can’t see much but is aware of being in a large, tall room with tall windows. He blinks a couple of times trying hard to focus. He feels his hand picked up and something cold pressed into it. “Put these on, Dan, you might be able to see better”, comes the voice. His lover, now sounding distracted, worried, but as if he’s trying to keep such things from his voice. An uneasiness starts in Dan’s guts as he sees what has been pressed into his hand – his prop-glasses.

“I don’t wear glasses”. He knows his voice sounds just this side of petulant and he drops them on the bedcovers. All the same he can feel them being slid onto his face and he opens his eyes again to see Alan looking down at him from his perch on the edge of the bed. He, too, is wearing pyjamas, thick cream winceyette with a green and grey stripe. His vision now clearer, Dan looks down at himself: the same sexless jim-jams but with a red and yellow stripe.

He slowly looks up. Out. Into the rectangular room. Beds line each of the two long sides. The bed he is in is on the opposite side from the large windows which are now curtained. A small gap at the top of the drawn curtains tells him that it’s dark outside. He finally looks at the man sitting on his bed, the dark wig still in place, loose now, his hair falling onto his shoulders. “Alan, what happened? Where are we and why are we here? I don’t recall having to do a scene in the hospital wing”, his voice rising higher and higher with each statement until Alan hushes him.

“Ssshh, we don’t want to bring the nurse in again. Dan, something very strange has happened. You can see better with the glasses on, yes?” Strangely enough, he can and nods although he knows the specs were made with clear glass, no prescription, he doesn’t need one, never did. His eyes are frightened now as he looks wildly around. “Where are the camera crew if we’re doing a scene? And why do I feel so shite?”

Alan does one of his famous half-smiles, “Dan, there aren’t any cameras. Look at the walls. See the sconces? They’re real. Real flames, real torches. Then there’s this”. Dan frowns a moment looking outwards until Alan directs his eyes downwards to his left forearm as he rolls back the sleeve of his pyjama top – his Dark Mark. “It doesn’t wash off, Dan”.

Dan extends a finger and touches it. He can see the redness of Alan’s skin, the obvious signs that he’s tried to scrub it away. Their eyes meet. Alan can see the fear in the boy’s eyes, “What does all this mean, Alan?”, he whispers. Alan lets out a long breath then grasps the hand touching him directing it to Dan’s forehead, pressing the fingertips to the raised area of skin – his famous scar, and Dan starts to pick furiously at it, it has always peeled right off before now, one of many on a peel-off sheet that the make-up girls apply before every scene he has ever shot for the last several years, only this time his scrabbling fingers come away from his face with blood on them.

“My scar”, he shouts, then remembers the need for quiet, clapping his hand over his own mouth, his eyes wide and scared behind his hand. Alan moves further onto the bed and takes the trembling boy into his arms. Dan collapses against the broad chest, “What’s happening, Alan?” The older man mumbles, “I’m not sure, Dan. I really don’t know but I have a feeling something happened to us back in the trailer and somehow we’re here in the fictional world. My wig is now my hair. I’ve tried to wash out the dye in my brows. Dan, this isn’t Alnwick castle any more.....we’re at Hogwarts”.

“We can’t be”, Dan exclaims, “We have to kill. We’re actors, we can’t do this magic shit, it’s not real anyway, is it? It’s a fucking kids story, a book, a film, fantasy. What the fuck is happening? Crap, you die, Alan, you fucking die”. By now the lad is almost hysterical with shock and clinging tight. Alan holds him burying his face in Dan’s hair and mumbles, “There is one small consolation to all of this, Dan – I think we are capable of doing magic.....I tried a little....our wands are on the bedside cabinets”.

To illustrate his point, he loosens his hold and turns, fumbling about one-handed on the bedside table and passes Dan the stick he’s used since the first film. Dan can feel the tingle as soon as he lays a hold of it. “Shit”, he breathes as his fingers curl around the wood. “You can feel it, can’t you?”, the older man murmurs and Dan nods.

“Go on, try something, one of the simpler levitation spells”. With shaking hands, Dan aims his wand at what looks like a dressing gown draped over the foot of his bed and mutters his leviosa spell, one he’s been doing since the first film. The dressing gown lifts easily into the air, with a flick from the wood, it lands again on the bed. He drops the wand in shock. “Okay”, he says shakily but he doesn’t look convinced.

There’s a sound behind Alan and they both turn to see a plump grey-haired woman in an old-fashioned nurse’s outfit bearing down on them. Dan opens his mouth to speak but Alan hushes him, “Let’s get our bearings a bit first, shall we?”

****

She smiled as she approached, “Well, well, boys, glad to see you are both awake. I’ve been worried about you, particularly you, Harry, you suffered the worst damage but you don’t seem any the worse for wear, thank Merlin. It’s actually quite nice to see you two getting along at long last. Now, Severus, I know you don’t like to be here but please hop back into bed for me and let me look you both over”.

The men exchanged a look and Dan mouthed, “Harry? Severus?” The older man nodded, “She’s been calling us that for the last couple of days. You were unconscious for almost a week. I came round about two days ago now. We’ll talk more when she’s gone”. He swooped his head down and pecked Dan lightly on the lips then moved away back to his own bed.

This caused the woman’s brows to rise almost into her hairline. “Well, well you do seem to be getting on better though I’m not sure Albus will approve. Are not teacher-pupil relationships frowned upon somewhat?” Dan blurted out, “I’m twenty and this is a free world, madam”. The woman laughed and came to his side, placing a hand on his head to feel his temperature, “My, my, Mr Potter, you did sustain quite nasty injuries. I believe the bump on the head has knocked you a bit squiffy”.

Dan glanced at Alan who frowned and shook his head behind the nurse’s back. Dan looked up at her as she hovered. “All right, what happened to us? Only I have no recollection of the accident or whatever it was that landed us in here”. The woman smiled then, wrinkles around her eyes crinkling good-humouredly. She pushed his hair back from his brow, “Has your scar been troubling you again, Harry. It looks a little bloody?” He shook his head, “No, but sometimes it itches like the blazes”.

He watched warily as she withdrew her own wand and waved it slowly along the length of his body, down then up. “Well, your injuries are healing nicely, anyway, Harry. You were quite a mess when you were found”, her face had gone quite pink as she explained this. “It was a good job the headmaster found you both otherwise rumours would be rife throughout the school and the Ministry might have had to get involved and we all know how much Albus resents Ministry intrusion into the running of this school”.

She said nothing more for a while as she did more wand-waving. “Your ribcage is mending nicely, your collarbones are now completely knitted but there’s still fracturing to your right cheek-bone. Do you have a headache?” Reluctantly, he nodded. “Did you give me some medicine earlier? I was sort of aware of it. What was it? It tasted truly foul”.

She grinned then. “Blame Severus, Harry. He makes the potions, I just dish them out as needed. You’ve had almost a full term’s-worth of Skele-Gro to mend your bones. Do you not recall anything of your accident?” Dan shook his head ruefully, “Not a thing, I’m afraid”. She stepped away from the bed and swished her wand, a chair appeared between the two beds and she sat in it regarding the two of them. “A piece of the castle fell on you both, a slab of stone from the parapet of the Astronomy tower. You were outside. There was a storm going on. Your friends were worried about you, Mr Potter. Albus himself went out to look for the two of you, he was frantic with worry for you both. He found you both naked, huddled under Severus’ cloak with a chunk of masonry crushing you. He levitated it off and brought you both here immediately”.

She glanced between the pair of them, “You’re going to have to do some serious explaining to Albus. Speaking of whom, I was to inform him the moment you were awake, Harry. I’ve no doubt he has questions for both of you”. Harry/Dan nodded, “I have my own questions for him, too”, he had to rattle his memory banks to come up with the woman’s name, “Madam Pomfrey”, he finished. She clucked at him and stood, moving to Alan’s bed. “Come on, Severus, let me check you, too. If you are fit, then there’s no reason why you cannot return to your rooms tonight, although I will recommend that you stay away from teaching for another few days yet, though I doubt you’ll pay me any heed, you never have yet and I doubt this time will be any different”. There was no mistaking the affection in her voice.

For the examination she had Alan turn over on to his front and did the same thing she’d done to Dan, waving her wand in long sweeps over his body. “The scapulars have healed but there’s still trauma to the fifth and sixth thoracic vertebrae although your neck has healed nicely. Merlin, the angle your head was at when you were brought in....terrifying....we thought we’d lost both of you. Your left lung was punctured too, Severus, but has healed quite nicely and you can breathe without that awful rattle. I’ve no doubt Albus’ll want a thorough explanation. I can’t in all conscience send you back to your quarters tonight, Severus. I’m sorry, you’ll have to stay in the infirmary another couple of days”. The man turned over, the examination complete, and she pulled up the covers again. She expected a scowl and resistance but the man simply said, “Fine. It’s no problem, though I would ask who is taking my classes at the moment?”

Her eyes widened at this easy compliance, “Well, Severus, the bump on your head has made you more....more....amenable, perhaps. You certainly don’t seem to be your usual irascible self. A couple more days of peace and quiet can’t do any harm and in answer to your question, Albus recalled old Horace Slughorn to deputise in your absence”. That seemed to elicit the snarls she’d been waiting for and she actually seemed quite pleased to see them. “There, you see, we’ll have you back to your old self in no time. Now, are either of you hungry? I’ll get the elves to bring something for you”.

Both men startled as a loud ‘crack’ sounded and a weird little creature appeared in the middle of the room. It came barreling over to Dan and flung itself across his feet in the bed, “Oh, Harry Potter, sir, Dobby is so glad to see you awake once more. Everyone was so frightened for you”. The little creature turned to the nurse, “May I tell Mr Ron and Miss Hermione that Harry Potter is all right, Madam?”

The matron shook her head, “Not tonight, Dobby. I don’t want scores of visitors disturbing my patients and I suspect that Professor Snape’s limited patience will not stretch to an invasion. Just bring some soup and sandwiches for now, please, and keep this to yourself. I think that the headmaster will want to see them first – probably in the morning. If Miss Granger and Mr Weasley want an update, just inform them that all is well but that Harry has been forbidden visitors for now. He needs his rest”. The little thing’s ears drooped and he wrung his hands but he nodded and ‘cracked’ out of sight again, making both Dan and Alan jump. The nurse noticed this and frowned slightly, making a mental note to inform the headmaster at the private briefing that he would no doubt demand.

The elf popped back in moments later with two trays arrayed with bowls of soup and plates of sandwiches, laying them both carefully over the patients’ knees then disappeared again. She smiled at her two charges, “Try and eat if you can, boys, you’ve both lost a lot of blood and suffered tremendously and there’s only so much that magic can do, the remainder of your healing is accomplished with rest and good food. I’m glad to see you both on the mend, you both had me quite worried. I’ll leave you to your meal now but I’ll cast an alert charm in case either of you takes a turn during the night. Goodnight both of you”. She left, making her stately way along the ward. Neither of them spoke until the door had closed behind her.

Dan sank his head into his hands and, glancing over, Alan could see the lad’s shoulders shaking. He’d done his crying yesterday as the enormity of the shock had sunk in, now it was Dan’s turn. Pushing the tray down the bed, he flung back the covers and stepped out onto the stone floor. He was beside Dan in a moment, flinging his arms around him and trying to stem the flow of tears. “Come on, Dan. I know this is all a bit odd but we’ll talk to this headmaster in the morning and get our bearings a bit. I think more than anything, we need to get a fix on where, in the story, we’ve landed”. He felt the boy nod in his arms.

Then the wail came, “You hate me in this world, Alan”. Alan calmed the lad by stroking his back, “Yes, I know, but I am not Severus Snape, Dan, and you are not Harry Potter. I think we need to remind ourselves of these facts. My name is Alan Rickman. I am sixty two years old. I have a long-term partner. I have three great nieces and nephews. I live in London and I’m an actor. Come on, your turn”.

Dan sniffled but seemed to compose himself a little. At first his voice came out reedy and thin so he started again with a little more conviction, “My name is Daniel Radcliffe. I am twenty years old. I have a mother and father and a younger sister. I have a dog called Chester. I live in Fulham in this country and I have an apartment in New York. I am an actor. I am not Harry Potter, I just play him in some films”, he actually felt a bit better after this affirmation.

Alan squeezed him gently and Dan looked up into those dark eyes, “I suppose you can’t take the contact lenses out either?” The man shook his head, “Nope, tried that. I have hazel eyes naturally, as you know, and just for the record, your eyes are now green not blue and you seem to need glasses now just like your character but I think that’s how we’re going to blend in. I hate the roles ahead of us and the fact that the headmaster still lives means I haven’t....er....killed him yet and the existence of the Dark Mark means you haven’t done the deed with Voldemort yet, either. This suggests that we have come here before book seven. I suppose we need to figure out just where exactly we are. Whether Sirius Black is still alive will be some kind of indication whether we are in book five or six but I suppose we won’t know that just yet”.

The pragmatic words, softly spoken seemed to calm Dan down. “Yeah, there’s not a lot we can do until we know more, you’re right. I’d like us still to be lovers, though” Alan ruffled Dan’s hair, “So do I, if it’s possible. I don’t want us to forget who we really are but right now, I’m starving and I need to eat. How do you feel?” An eloquent rumble from Dan’s gut at this precise moment made them both laugh softly.

Alan went to his bed and fetched his tray back to Dan’s. “Budge up, Dan, let me get in beside you”, and Dan shifted, holding up a finger to stop Alan climbing into bed, “Just a sec. I think I can remember this charm”. He lifted his wand, said a few words in cod-Latin and the bed widened, doubled in width. When the movement stopped, he cautiously lowered his wand and grinned up at Alan. “Hop in, it’s big enough now”. Alan returned the smile, “That’s very accomplished, Mr Potter”, and climbed into bed, though Dan nudged him, “Hey, less of the Mr Potter, you. If I’m really in sixth year then I’m only sixteen, you dirty old bugger. Nope, I still feel twenty. Come on, let’s eat”. They ate silently, side by side, both feeling buoyed up by the contact with each other, something grounding them in the real world.

It was Alan’s turn to show off with his wand as he levitated the empty trays back onto his own bed settling them on the covers without so much as a rattle of crockery. Dan smirked, “Well done, Professor Snape”. He wriggled until he was lying down but had to throw the covers back, “I need a piss and I’ve no idea where the toilet is”. Alan looked down at him, “The door to the right at the far end of the room”. Dan raised a brow, “How do you know that?” Alan rolled his eyes, “Simple deduction, Dan, there’s only two doors and Pomfrey went through the other one, so that way’s the way out, ergo the other must be a bathroom or some such and anyway, I have been awake for two days. Did you imagine I didn’t piss in all that time? I’ll come with you”.

Sure enough, through the door they found a small vestibule with two doors running off marked for the genders. Further exploration turned up showers as well as toilets but for now they relieved themselves, washed their hands and faces, and made their way back to bed. They lay side by side. Dan’s hand crept over to find Alan’s and held it. Alan squeezed back. They turned to each other as one and kissed, a little tentatively at first, the situation wasn’t at all conducive to seduction, but the kiss strengthened soon enough. The light was too bright all around them, they felt horribly visible.

Dan fumbled for his own wand and murmured ‘Nox’ over Alan’s shoulder and let his wand rattle to the floor as he tugged Alan to him and kissed him again. This time the light was vastly reduced to a single flickering sconce that cast a shadowed light over them, obviously charmed in some way to remain lit all night, no doubt so the matron could see if she had to visit her patients in the middle of the night. It was good enough.

Dan grumbled as Alan removed his glasses, “I can’t see you properly”, he whinged so they went back on, Alan avoiding them adroitly as he plumbed Dan’s mouth with his tongue. Neither of them felt up to full-blown sex and they had no lube anyway so they made do with a lovely little sixty-nine after they’d slowly stripped each other, fucking each other’s mouths as quietly as they could. Dan was glad that his cock stopped Alan shouting out as he came a pint in Dan’s mouth and Dan carried on gently licking and cleaning Alan’s cock with his tongue as he was sucked. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, buried his face in Alan’s bollocks and made a few breathy sounds as he came in the back of Alan’s throat.

Satisfied for now, they kissed the come from each other’s mouths and made to settle for sleep. Dan mumbled, “Shouldn’t we put our ‘jamas back on?”, but Alan shook his head, “No, Dan. We are who we are and I think we ought to tell the headmaster what really happened. We are lovers and that’s that”. Dan shivered slightly at the command in the man’s low voice and smiled widely, curling up with him, “Yeah, we’re Dan and Alan and they’ve got to get used to it”. For that he got a kiss and a whispered, “That’s the spirit”.

They slept in a tangle of limbs and bodies and remained naked beneath the covers.

****

The following morning they were rather harshly awoken to find themselves facing the tips of two wands. To Dan all was a blur until he fumbled his glasses onto his nose but he was aware of Alan’s tense stillness at his side. Dan looked up, all attention. No-one seemed to mind that he had to put his glasses on first. Score one to Harry Potter.

They blinked at the wand wielders and Dan said quite clearly, “Richard, we can explain everything except where your real people went”. The wand wavers were the matron and a venerable old man with his beard almost to his knees; the headmaster. Only not the actor who had been in the last several films but the living image of the man who’d been in the first three. Alan started at Dan’s side, “Richard”, Dan was surprised at the tremulousness in his voice until he recalled that Alan and Richard had been close.

The wand lowered and the elderly man lowered his wand, turning to the matron, “I see what you mean, Poppy, the bang on the head has quite turned them odd”. He turned to the men in bed, now sitting up with rumpled hair and the sheets falling to reveal their nakedness, “And this behaviour from the two of you is quite unacceptable. Severus, as the responsible adult here, I have to lay the blame at your door. I demand that you part at once”. Alan shook his head. “No”, was the only word from him. He was disgruntled at being awoken in such a precipitate fashion. Dan resisted smirking. Alan was so not a morning person, it seemed.

To back his lover up, Dan flung his arms around Alan. He really liked this man and he was damned if he was going to be parted from him. “Please conjure some chairs if you would be so kind, sir, we really should explain what is going on, but I’d prefer this initial discussion be between just the three of us, if you don’t mind, madam”, obviously directed at the matron, who huffed, turned on her heel and walked away. Her charges were obviously well enough.

The old man strangely did as bid, not taking his eyes from the young man. He folded easily into the chair, his wand dangling limply from his right hand. “If you could explain, gentlemen. I am at a loss here after the things that Poppy told me, and not only do I find an extremely mature Harry Potter but he is sleeping with my Potions Master. Pray, continue. I am fascinated to know what has been going on, after all, it was I that had the privilege of finding the two of you naked under Severus’ cloak. Bye the bye, I am also interested as to why you called me ‘Richard’ just now, and with such obvious feeling?”

Dan was a shade non-plussed at this. He’d been expecting to meet Michael as the Headmaster and here was Richard, who had died after film two: an anomaly he couldn’t quite get his head round. He glanced at Alan to see him barely holding back tears. Christ! This was strange.

He introduced them both with their real names and haltingly tried to explain but knew it sounded feeble and ludicrous. Bloody hell, it sounded pretty crap to his own ears but the Headmaster stopped him mid-flow. He shut up. “Actually, dear boys, your story holds more water than it seems. It has something to do with the medical readings that our dear Poppy has been performing on you since you….ah….arrived that first set me wondering”, the older man didn’t seem that phased by what Dan had to say.

Dan looked at Alan and saw the distress. He tightened his arms around him and felt himself clasped tight, then the tears on his shoulder. He turned to the Headmaster, “I’m sorry, sir, he knew you well as an actor. In our world you died a few years ago. He’s had a shock meeting you again and so have I to be honest. Please tell us about the readings if you can”.

Dan stroked Alan’s hair and rocked them both as Richard/Albus talked. “Well, Harry, sorry, Daniel, she read you as having finished your growth, which Harry most certainly hadn’t. Not only that, she completely failed to find any of your previous injuries that she has mended. It leaves.....signatures.....magical healing. Believe me, the amount of damage you two sustained, you would have been dead in a muggle hospital, and as for you, Severus, or should I say, Alan, she can find no evidence of the Cruciatus curse in your body, always a block to her healing you in the past, I am told. So far your stories hold water. My main question is why?”

Alan finally looked up and faced the man. “I have absolutely no idea. And by the same token, surely, you have lost your spy and your hero according to the books. I have to tell you, Richard, sorry, Albus, that we, that is Dan and I, we know how this all ends. We have read the books, a necessary part of preparing for our roles, and....I cannot tell you this”, and with the full weight of what he knew, he rested his head on Dan’s shoulder. He felt the weight of Dan’s head atop his and was comforted a little. What exactly had they landed in?

There was a long silence broken only by Alan’s sniffles and Dan’s murmurs as he tried and succeeded in calming the man, then he said into the dead air, “Maybe we should tell, love. Fuck it, maybe we should. C’mon Alan, what was that prophecy thing? ‘A power he knows not?’ Well, fuck it, we’ve no idea how much magic we have but we know the possible outcome and that’s pretty damn powerful, wouldn’t you say?”

The two older men snapped to attention. Alan pulled away, sitting up, looking surprised and Albus’ face was altogether more calculating. “What do you mean by that, Harry, sorry, Daniel?”, his voice was soft. Dan turned, “Well, basically you and Snape both die, rather horribly if I remember rightly. I have to feed you poison and your hand withers ‘cos of a ring Horcrux, then Snape kills you on the Astronomy Tower with Death Eaters all over the place that Malfoy junior has let into the castle by way of something called vanishing cabinets that allow the baddies to just step through and....are you getting the picture yet?”

The Headmaster visibly paled. Dan pressed on relentlessly, “Are you ready to hear the rest of it yet? Only Alan and I need to know where we’ve landed, here. We need to know what stage we’re at? Is Sirius Black still alive, for instance?”

At this cold tone, the old man looked up sharply. This was definitely not Harry Potter. If nothing else might convince him, then this did. Harry had loved that man but to this person, he meant nothing. He was shocked to the core and breathed out between pursed lips slowly. What to reveal to these strange folk, what, even, to say to them, the ‘hero’ so poised and bitter and the ‘potions master’ so vulnerable. Albus Dumbledore’s certainties started to crack.

Rather than answer, the old man shuffled to his feet and blinked severally. To Alan’s eyes he seemed wrung out, defeated, but the old man straightened and seemed to wrap himself in his dignity again. “Well, boys, you have given me a great deal to think about. You obviously are aware of a future that I have been unable to see, despite having one of the greatest seers of the age on my staff. Dan, I mean to give you an answer that is whole and complete but I will admit, you have unnerved me greatly. For now, I will tell you that your beloved godfather passed.....no....Harry’s beloved godfather passed some eighteen months ago now if that helps you to fit yourselves into the story”. For a moment it looked as if he might say more but he closed his eyes, swaying slightly.

Watching carefully as the old man rocked, both men looked at each other then Alan ventured, “What now, Richard?....Sorry, Albus. What happens now?” Albus gripped the back of the chair, his eyes still closed. “I really do not know, I fear. Harry and Severus were training for a particular role, one that I’m sure I don’t need to outline to either of you. The road they were on was dark and dangerous and both are extremely powerful wizards. Are you two even capable of magic? Do you even believe in it?”

Alan murmured, “We have actually tried a couple of rudimentary spells with the wands that were left by our beds, and, yes, we can perform them reasonably well, though how much magic we have is anyone’s guess. Have you any idea how we might have been.....brought here, for the want of a better phrase?” Albus’ eyes snapped open, “Dear boy, I haven’t a clue but now I am cognisant as to what transpired then I must get the Aurors in to read the signature on the spot where you were found. Yes, I know a couple I can trust to do this discreetly as no word of this can get back to the Ministry of Magic”.

He thought long and hard for a moment. The two men in bed exchanged more looks. Dan ventured, “We want to go back.....to our world....we need to find a way if we can.....God, this is just like some cheesy sci-fi flick”. The elder man merely looked confused then smiled briefly, “Ah, Yes. The Flicks; the talkies cinema I believe, therefore, no, don’t tell me......um....sci-fi?.....hmmm....sci-fi? Ah, yes, I’ve got it, science fiction!” and he actually clapped his hands together with glee. The looks the lovers shared turned sceptical.

Then the man was all seriousness again, “We must keep this quiet you know. We’ll keep you out of sight for a while. We all may have to join together to seek out a solution to this dilemma, but it has to be said, it’s all rather exciting”, there was that gleeful tone again, playful, full of warmth and fun. Dan despaired, this man was doomed but he nodded, “Yes, are you able to cover for us a while? Perhaps, while we ‘recover’?”

Albus twinkled and nodded, “Oh, yes, they were very nasty injuries you both received. I will have to show you where I found you, a most odd spot. I wonder what took Harry and Severus there as it was neither hidden nor discreet for......trysting, but I suppose there will be an explanation for it in....ah....your world?”

Dan nodded, “Yes, round the base of the tower, there were caravans for the use of the cast of the films, you know, to chill out in...erm, relax in, between takes on set and I bet the spot is exactly where you found us though I for one, have no memory of what happened to us after we, um, fell asleep”, he flicked a slightly guilty look at Alan who flashed back a little smirk. The headmaster duly noted this interchange and made up his mind.

“Gentlemen”, he held up a hand indicating that they should hear him out, “I propose that you do your time in here under the watchful eye of our beloved Poppy Pomfrey whilst I start to investigate what brought you here. After the two days are up, I suggest you both convalesce in Severus’ rooms until such time as we can, hopefully, find them, always supposing that an exchange has actually taken place, and I believe more and more that this is the case. Severus and Harry were working very closely together though I do not believe they had quite the (small cough) thing that you two seem to have.

I have Slughorn teaching your...er....Severus’ subject here at school, though, Ha.....Dan, your, er, friends will be anxious to see you. How do you wish to deal with this?” Dan frowned, “I really don’t know at this stage. I mean, it’ll be bloody weird meeting Rupe and Emma and Tom and co. in this world but as their story-book selves, not their real selves. I mean Emma, who plays Hermione, is a real clothes hound in real life and a model to boot. She’s a very pretty girl and not really into books that much except novels and so on. Rupe, er, Rupert, who plays Ron, is far more of a bookworm. Wow, this is all strange. I’ve been good mates with Tom Felton since I was ten even though I had to refuse to shake his hand on film and he’s my best mate on set. Oh, he played Draco Malfoy by the way. Um....we were even lovers for a short while but we’re still okay. It’s gonna be bloody weird having him hate me now, so I vote you keep ‘the friends’ at bay for now and just see about getting us back to where we should be and getting your lads back, whaddya say?”

Alan put his arm back around Dan’s shoulders and squeezed gently, lending his support. Then he spoke up, “Indeed, Albus”, the name still felt strange, as if he was still acting, “I know Minerva McGonagall as Maggie, otherwise known as Dame Maggie Smith, a brilliant actress, and the man who plays your werewolf is a dear friend of mine along with his lovely wife and indeed yourself, a dear friend to me in life, advisor, mentor and devious bastard chess opponent, I still miss you at times. You have no idea how difficult this is for me”. Dan held him tighter as he heard the tears in his lover’s voice. He pulled Alan’s dark head down to his shoulder, giving the headmaster a stony glare as if it was his fault he resembled a dead friend.

Albus came towards the bed, hesitated a moment, then continued until he could reach out and gently clasp Alan’s naked shoulder. “Rest for now, dear boys and I will see what I can do to relieve the situation”. He let go and turned, “Enjoy your stay here, boys, it is a truly beautiful world we have here. Be our guests, albeit a tad sequestered for now, but have a little fun with your magic and rest, enjoy Hogwarts hospitality. I will do what research I may but first of all I need to bring in the Aurors”. Dan said abruptly, “Oh, Kingsley and Tonks? They were pretty much the better ones in the books?” Albus had that sinking feeling again, “Yes indeed, they were the very folk I was going to summon. I bid you goodnight gentlemen, and I will suggest to Poppy that she put you in a private room as it wouldn’t do for unwell students to find you in the way I did, now, would it?”, and with that he walked away at a stately pace.

Alan called out, halting his steps. Albus turned, “Yes, my boy?” Alan took a deep breath then turned over his left arm, “What will this do? Will I be Summoned through it? I know it can be used this way”. Albus winced, “I know not. All I can say at this stage is, if you feel the Summons then call for me. You have to understand, that this is as strange for me as it is for you”. Alan let out a breath, at least the old codger was honest.

****

In due course, Poppy Pomfrey had them a side ward made ready and they were moved into it and once again the wee elf-creature popped in and fed them lavishly. It took several minutes after their feast to realise they were alone with a closed door between them and the rest of this madness.

The suite they were in consisted of a small sitting room and two bedrooms and they were currently seated before the fire, eating, dressed once more in their hideous pyjamas but now with regulation issue dressing gowns over the top to ward off the creeping cold that went with living in this vast stone edifice. The meal was delicious; pork chops roasted in a crisp breadcrumb coating with gently blackened onions and crispy fried potatoes. Dan declared he could get fat on this diet but laughed when Alan kissed his shoulder and begged him not to.

There was wine with the meal, a quite respectable vintage, if Alan’s nose told him aright. He had a pang of memory; him and Rima on a tour of the south of France just after they got together, after he had bought his first car, bowling, without a care in the world, down tiny back lanes from one wine-maker to another, tasting and sampling and starting the beginnings of what became a master wine-cellar of his own. He shook the memory from his mind.

Dan saw the small shake and planted a kiss on his lover’s cheek, “Memories of your real life?” he questioned. Alan glanced at him sharply, “When did you get so good at mind-reading?”, he mumbled. Dan hung round him and kissed his mouth, a brief fleeting thing, “Since you tried to teach me that Occlumency thingie in, when was it? Fifth year. I have magic now”, he murmured then turned his attentions to seriously kissing the man beside him.

Alan cared not that they both tasted of onions and red wine and groaned as Dan kissed him. He was a bit addicted to the boy’s kisses. It continued with much movement from Dan but when Alan felt the weight of the boy straddling his lap he thrust up and made a sound deep in his throat. Dan made an answering thrust and swallowed the moan.

Drawing away with a few last pecks, Dan fumbled at Alan’s side in the sofa cushions coming up with his wand then pecked Alan’s mouth again, “Give me a minute, I want to try something. I can’t taste you properly”, and with that, he raised the tip of his wand to his lips and murmured, “Abluere”.

Alan frowned as Dan lowered his wand, looking up running his tongue around his mouth, “Hmm, it worked”, then breathed out into his palm, “Yeah! Onion breath all gone. Let me do yours”. Alan parted his lips, “Go ahead”, and Dan repeated the spell. They kissed again, this time able to taste each other but Alan seemed distant. Dan let up and backed off a little, “What’s wrong?”, he sat in Alan’s lap, his arms loose over his lover’s shoulders.

The dark eyes found his and the furrow deepened between the black brows, “Where did you learn that spell, only I don’t recall it from either the books or the films?” Dan shrugged, “Dunno, picked it up somewhere. Why?” “Where?”. Alan’s question was a tad short.

It was Dan’s turn to frown as he thought, “Dunno, prob’ly on a fan fiction site somewhere. I used to read a bit of that stuff when I was younger”, then he chuckled, “I even read some of the rude ones. Yeah, I think that’s where I picked it up. Why? Is it relevant?”

Pondering, Alan said, slowly, “It might be. I’m not sure so let me ramble a bit if you would, let me bounce this off you. Firstly, there are anomalies somehow and Richard is the biggest so far. If we have disappeared into the fictional universe somehow then surely it would be in either the movie-verse or the book-verse, for want of a better term. I thought I recognised the matron too, and it came to me just now, she’s the spitting image of an actress called Angela Baddeley and she’s been dead for years. She used to play the cook in a long-running British TV series long before your time, Dan, but she was very popular in her day and she definitely didn’t play Poppy Pomfrey in any of these films.

All right, with me so far? No, bear with me. Still, the next thing: Richard. If we are in the movie-verse then shouldn’t Michael be the headmaster not him. But then you inform me that there are other writers of fiction that use elements from this world?” Dan nodded. “Very well. That starts to explain things or confuse things. Damn. Look, this is more and more odd. I take it that these stories and such are available on the Internet?”

More puzzled than ever, Dan replied, “Yeah, the writers can’t publish ‘cos they’d be infringing copyright. They are anyway and there’s quite a few real authors who kick up a stink if you do fan fictions based on their characters but I believe that the author of the stories we are/were in is quite into reading some of it, though I doubt she’d be into the naughty stuff”.

The older man’s gaze became quite terrified, “That means we may not really know the outcome after all, Dan. If you can do a magic spell that isn’t in the original books or films and the people are different then this rather begs the question: whose universe are we in?”