Moments Come Full Circle

HIV – Lying Naked Face Down

My son cries in the other and Devon fusses over him. Probably has a diaper full of shit or something. Who knows with babies?

I’m over by the window, staring out onto an immaculately trimmed lawn (grass mowed by someone else). My hands pressed flat against the cool glass and notebook full of illegible scribbles on my lap.

I don’t feel like writing anything down today.

It’s all angry shit anyway and today I don’t feel angry.

I feel like a man with his hands pressed against a window and a baby crying in the next room.

Head – All You Who Are Weary and Burdened

Nea was singing A.D.I.D.A.S. Don’t they understand that? I want my baby girl to have a better life than we did. That doesn’t just mean that she goes to a good school or has food in her stomach, that means that she isn’t pregnant at sixteen or hooked on drugs or privy to any of t other hundreds of little nightmares that could kill her soul.

It’s not about God, though I am tired. And it has nothing to do with salvation, but Lord, I need all the help I can get.

I love her and anger isn’t going to protect her when I don’t know what I’m angry at anymore.


Fieldy – Atizan

I punch the wall near Sheila’s head and hear her scream. She starts crying in earnest and my anger dulls enough to start feeling like a first-class asshole. I pull myself away from her, after pulling my fist out of the wall, and almost run to the safety of another room.

I’m alone for several minutes before Sheila comes in after me.

“Get help for your temper,” she looks me dead in the eye, “or I’m leaving you.”

I’m not going to hit her; I’m going to fucking cry. She’s going to reduce me to fucking tears.

The voice that comes from my throat is too childish to be mine, “’Kay.”

Munky – Guitar Soulmates

Brian left. Left the band, left me. Fuck, that sounds so gay. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I’m totally broken up because he’s gone or the fact that I always thought we’d be together, like Bill and Ted or Jay and Silent Bob or something.

I try talking o him, but every time he’s around all he wants to do is argue about religion with Jon. I don’t even feel like I exist.

Dave - Calvin Klein

“Support yourself on your hands and arch your feet. Perfect.”

The camera goes off again.

(never wanted to be a model)

“Wanna open your mouth just a little bit Mr. Silveria.”

Flash.

(happy being a drummer)

“Too much. Just close it a little.”

Flash.

(not that i don’t mind the attention)

“Want to keep it a little less closed?”
Flash.

(kinda fun to do this)

“Perfect.”

Flash.

(pain in the fucking ass to do this)

“Now, just spread your legs a little. I’m going to try to get more of the jeans into this frame.”

Flash.

(why the fuck am i doing this?)

“Looking good.”

(never wanted to be a model)

Time goes on.