Tony Loves Benji

lalala Sorry for taking so long with the updates peoples...Ive experianced some technical difficulties...mainly that im insane..but yes...anyways heres some more story. If you want more you guys can just IM me and annoy me till I post because Im obviously not going to do a good job with updating this crap. aim- DopeSicRancidGrl

Chapter Twenty two
What a question my brother had asked to me. Picking between two people that are on opposite sides of my heart. And I can see how you'd think i was crazy- actually being torn on how to answer my brother. But it was true- i couldnt allow myself to believe that everything I'd went through for tony was a lie. That he was a liar. And part of me resented joel for implying so. And the escape- how the hell could either of us find the strength to do that? To over power such a serge of energy as those two. Asleep or not the risk was still greater than I was willing to take.
"Handcuffs joel. How am I suppose to get these handcuffs off?" I asked slowly looking up at my hands pitifully. And it was true- they were gripping my arms almost menacingly- the cuts digging deeper into my wrists- forming large angry red mark- blood still caked and powdered around the silver restraints. Joel's face frowned and I knew he hadn't exactly thought that far into the 'plan'.
"They keep the keys in their pockets huh..?" He whispered while biting nervously at his bottom lip. And I had only the strength to nod my head with a defeated sigh. They worked as a team- a disgusting duo, and they were maticulous- always thought three steps ahead of anyone else making it nearly impossible to predict their movements. "Hey no...no don't get that look in your eyes- we arent defeated." He seemed to promise. and I couldnt even make myself smile a response. It was like I didnt believe it- I couldn't believe it.
"You need to leave." I then tried to coax to him again, my lips speaking before my mind even really had a moment to understand the words. "Get the fuck out of here and don't look back." I then continued to whisper to him commandingly- a detirmined look crossing over my features. I could tell instantly how much he detested that idea, but there was no changing my mind. I wanted him gone, out of this- because he'd hurt enough. They'd caused him enough pain- and now he deserved to go home, to be safe.
"Stop okay..no way." He tried once more to protest, his hands playing with the cuffs- I groaned as he inadvertantly forced the silver restraints tighter around my wrists. "Oh..shit..shit benji im so sorry...Im so fucking sorry.." Came his shakey words and I felt his tiny shaking palms caressing both my tear stained cheeks- our eyes connecting to share an almost perfect glance. For a split second it was as if I could see straight through those brown orbs and into his soul- his clean, pure white light of a soul. Something much more pure than Tony's black and rusty box- box because it couldn't really be considered a heart, or even a soul. Because I think he lacked both of those objects- and possessed a single- rusted box.
"I love you." My lips found themselves murmuring- almost too faint for my own ears to compehend- and it was true, from the bottom of my being I knew I loved that boy- always had. But it had always been an unselfish- pure kind of love. A love I'd simply over looked, because something so innocent and so wholesome could never belong to me. I could never attain something so wonderful- because I myself was nothing of the sort. Those four disgusting letters that sat so poiniently carved into my chest allowed me assurance that I would never have someone so special.
"You love Tony." Came his chilling reply- a trapse of hurt lingering in his words, Almost as if just saying the man's name left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. "You love Tony and he treats you like a ragdoll."
"Did you love him?" I found myself wondering outloud- just looking at him curiously- and it was true- I wondered inside whether or not it had been a willing interaction- between my brother and the man. But Joel of coarse shook his head quickly- answering my question instantly.
"Matt." He spat out almost angrily, I could tell the memories were still vicious and burnt in his brain- simply by the pain that talking about them seemed to ampliphy through him. "I...I trusted matt." He confessed to me and I nodded my head- it happened so quickly for Tony and myself, I could see how he could get caught up in Matt's web. Assuming this entire situation was Matt's web- Matt being the mastermind behind the scenes. Somewhat resembling the Wizard of Oz behind his magic curtin- using dear Anthony as his pawn. Or at least that's how I chose to precieve it all. Still deep down wanting to see Tony for something other than a disgusting darlict. "He seemed so honest Benji- said he loved me. I'd never had anyone make me feel that way.." He continued to confess- his voice teatering with tears- the distict cracking sounds making my own eyes mist over. This was coming directly from his heart- my dear brother. I felt my heart going out for him- knowing that he'd be caused all this pain, made my entire stomach twist into knots. "And then it changed just as quick- he said I was so photogenic...he just wanted to film me- just once.." His words became a bit more quick now- and he began to choke back a set of tears, "before I knew what was going on it was all over and Tony and Matt just sat laughing on the couch about it- watching it on the tv...Benji I never wanted to feel that disgusting again..ever-"
"Joel stop..please no more.." I begged to him- both eyes welling over with thick soggy tears, "I can't hear this anymore. If you dont get the fuck up out of this bed and leave this house- right now, I swear to god I'll fucking kill you myself." I said in one single solid force- both eyes fixated on his. And in one fluid motion I smiled as he peeled himself from my side to scamble to the floor finding himself something suitable to wear- something not sliced or blood stained along the floor.
"I'll get the police Benji. We'll get you out of here." He promised- and for all I knew the words were true- but either way all I could think about was how happy I was to see him making an escape. I wanted my little brother safe. And as for the feelings those past few hours had seemed to hatch- I'd solve them some other time.