Slow Motion

"You're a what?" brendon asked, unable to believe that he had heard nate correctly or at least hoping that the older boy was joking around. nate's face remained a blank slate and yeah, brendon was pretty sure the boy was serious.



"It's true bren, I work in the porno business." nate told him and he sounded so hesistant, brendon could tell that he'd rather not be saying anything at all. brendon was silent, he didn't know what to say. All his experience with people had never taught him how to respond to a porno bombshell.



"I...how long?" The younger boy asked, suddenly he was very happy that he and nate had yet to have sex. nate tilted his head, thinking of his anwser.



"About a year and a half." nate told him and brendon was relived, at least a bit because nate had been in the business long before brendon was even a thought in his mind. "What are you thinking brendon?" nate asked, brendon lifted his head and looked at his boyfriend.



"I'm not sure." He was anwsering honestly, he didn't know how he felt, more surprised than anything. he really didn't feel like he could judge nate for being a porn star when he had vices of his own but he still had the right to be a little pissed, didn't he?



"What...what kind of porn do you do nate?" The dark haired boy asked and he felt stupid asking but he wanted to know, he wanted to sort it all out and see how he felt after he got his anwsers.



nate wasn't looking at brendon anymore, he had decided that his sheets were far more interesting and brendon did not take that as a good sign.



"I do scenes with boys and girls bren." he replied and brendon appreciated his honesty but that didn't stop him from imagining his boyfriend fucking an endless stream of faceless boys and girls. brendon pulled his hand away from nates, decided to wrap his long thin arms around himself, he suddenly felt very unclean.



nate's face looked hurt but he didn't make any move to touch brendon. the older boy sighed deeply like he had expected this to happen, and yeah maybe he had had this conversation before. brendon wonders how many people nate's had to tell this same story to.



"i get if you don't understand brendon, i just wanted to tell you because...because i felt like this was going somewhere, i felt like maybe we were real?" nate tells him and brendon feels little twinges of guilt striking in his chest, like small cuts from invisible knifes.



"can you...can you just tell me how this happened?" brendon asked because he wants to get the whole story before he even begins to sort out how he feels. who knows, maybe nate had a good reason for getting into the porn business.



nate shifted but nodded, complying with what brendon said. "well...i moved to the city after high school, i had big dreams you could say. i wanted to be a musician, that was my dream..and i was just naive enough to believe that could actually happen." nate laughed a little but it came out all wrong, sounded so sad that brendon didn't ever want to hear it again.



"i got a couple of jobs playing in these really sleazy clubs, of course no one was interested in the music, too busy trying to fuck each other in the bathrooms and corners of the neon colored clubs. i was barely scraping by, no one would hire me, i had little to no money, slept where i could, ate what i could. i was so close to giving up and going home...but then one day at the club while i was playing i noticed this guy watching me. i honestly thought he was interested in my music, but he wasn't, he was interested in my body."



nate was frowning remembering the events that led to his induction into porno land.



"he told me that i'd be good for his business, said i could get a good high paying job with him, make lots of money right away. i was just a kid back then, just nineteen. of course i thought it was a good idea. so i went and i found out what was going on...i wasn't into it at first but then i found out how much i would be paid...and let's just say that everybody has a price brendon."



nate finished his story and brendon could feel sympathy for him, he really could. "but now you have the bartending job...why keep doing porn?" brendon asked and nate looked at him and shrugged a bit.



"i was afraid to lose that solid income...i don't ever want to go back to the way i was before, i have a nice place now, nice things and i have you." the last part was said somewhere between a question and a statement and brendon averted his eyes because he didn't want to look at nate right now.



"brendon, if you're worried that i'm not clean or something...i am. i always use protection, i'm always safe." nate told him, he was eager to say anything he could to keep brendon from getting up and walking out.



"that's reassuring i guess." brendon started "but what if it just bugs me that you're with so many people?" he looked up at nate, their brown eyes locking together. nate looked like he was waiting for those words to leave the younger boy's mouth.



"i don't get pleasure from it, not really. i mean to me it's kinda a job by now, you know get there fuck so and so and then leave...there's not really emotions or anything." brendon knew nate was trying his best to reassure him but he was kinda failing as the thoughts of nate fucking people, getting people off and the idea of people sitting in their living rooms, jacking off to his boyfriend made brendon squirm.



"so...you don't even like sex now?" brendon asked, because despite getting told that his boyfriend was a porn star, he was still attracted to nate, he still had the same feelings, they weren't just turned off because of this bombshell.



"i like it when it's real, when it would be with you." nate told him and the older boy is smiling and he looked like he wanted to reach out and touch brendon, but he sits back like he's not sure if he can or not.



there is a small silence between the two boys and brendon lift's his head when he hears nate speak.



"brendon, i love you...that's why i decided to tell you. i mean it would've been easy to just sleep with you tonight and not tell you about that side of my life, but i didn't want to do that. i wanted to be honest with you because i want this to work, i want you and me to work."



brendon's frozen because nate just said he loved him, that was the first time he'd said that. brendon can remember all the times pete said that, and how sometimes he'd doubt it, sometimes he'd think they were just words the boy was using to get what he wanted. but with nate, with nate it felt real. brendon could believe what nate was saying, he wanted to see that pete and nate were completely different.



"i love you too, nate." and brendon wasn't lying, he could feel his heart beating quicker and he knew that he honestly did love nate. the older boy smiles and brendon can see almost all the teeth in his mouth.



"so, do you think you can look pass this? and we can just go back to how it was before?" nate asked and brendon is quiet for a moment before he nods, shifts and moves closer to his boyfriend. leaning in to kiss the older bartender.



despite brendon accepting nate's being a porn star, the mood is gone and brendon does nothing but sleep in nate's bed that night.



the next day he and ryan leave the apartment, nate kissing brendon deeply before the younger boy left. he had also slipped a dvd into brendon's hand. "watch it later, when you're alone." he whispers and pats brendon's ass before he closes the door.



brendon looks down at the blank dvd and he's not a genius but he's pretty sure he already knows what it is.



when the duo gets home brendon cooks the two of them lunch, ryan nearly addicted to the video game that nate had bought for him. brendon thinks that maybe he's been underestimating ryan, maybe the boy is smarter then he gives him credit for. after breakfast, ryan resigns himself to sitting in front of the tv, totally entranced with his game.



brendon takes this little opportunity to go into his room with the dvd from nate. he sit's on his bed setting the dvd down beside him. brendon's been feeling the same familar shakes in his body, the same deep twisting need in his gut, it's his body crying out for drugs. when he was with nate he didn't do drugs, but it didn't stop him from wanting to do them. love could do a lot, but it can't stop you from doing drugs.



the boy digs around in the bottom drawer of his nightstand, lifting out the familar baggie of coke, he knew he shouldn't have even had it in the house, but he was weak and william was willingly to sell. brendon snorted coke off his dirty square mirror, the one he had used with pete so long ago.



his body instantly calmed and flared up at the same time, brendon shivered in pleasure as the drugs washed through him, feeding the internal beast. he placed the dvd into the player and hit the start button. brendon settled back on his bed and undid the button on his jeans, letting the denim slide down his hips.



a purple screen flashed up and brendon was treated to the sight of flashes of flesh and deep echos of moaning filled the room. brendon's breath hitched a bit, thinking that maybe one of those moans was from nate. a title came up on screen, 'nate the great meets the snake' brendon nearly burst into giggles because nate's porn name was nate the great? not very creative in brendon's opinion.



the dark haired youth hit the play button and the movie began. to be honest brendon wasn't too interested in the movie, that was until nate showed up. brendon smiled at movie nate as his boyfriend delivered ultra cheesy lines, in a vauge attempt at seducing other men.



brendon was nervous about watching the movie, could he really see his boyfriend fuck other guys? or get fucked by them? he hadn't even experienced sleeping with nate yet, so did he want to watch it? the anwser ended up being yes because the first sex scene came on and brendon's heart leapt to his throat, his brown eyes unable to leave the television.



nate was in a scene with a thin blonde man. the duo were in an outlandishly decorated room, with lavender silk bedsheets and fuzzy looking walls. the blonde man or 'snake' as he was called in the movie was on all fours on the bed, nate coming up behind him.



brendon eyed nate's naked form hungrily, the boy was lean and musculed and tanned, brendon thinks they probably put oil on him to because he was all shiny. nate's dark blonde streaked hair fell in his eyes, his cock hard and bigger then brendon imagined. the boy's breath hitched when he nate pushed his thick cock into the blonde boy.



nate groaned and his hands came up to the boys hips, clenching them tightly. he pulled out all the way only to shove himself back into the tight hot heat of the other man. brendon's cock twitched and he couldn't help himself, he dropped his hand into his jeans and stroked himself.



brendon watched the sex scene play out, nate fucking snake hard and fast. filthy cheesy porn lines falling from his beautiful lips. nate fucks the boy hard, he's hunched over him, biting the blonde boy's shoulder as he cries out under nate. brendon is jerking off, he's never really found porn all that great, not when compared to the real thing but this, this is so much better because it's nate, it's his and he wants it.



brendon wants to be fucked by nate, just like this he thinks, just like in the movie. his cock moves hot through his hand and he let's his head fall back on his pillows but he doesn't tear his eyes away from the screen, he doesn't want to miss a moment.



the fucking continues onscreen and brendon can see his boyfriend's thrust's getting more eratic, more jagged and desperate, he knows the boy is close to coming. that thought turns him on more and he works himself faster, pretending it's nate's hands running over him, that it's his fist he's thrusting into.



brendon finishes almost the same time as nate does. he lays back on the bed, catching his breath before he sits up and goes to the bathroom to clean himself up. he pads back into his room afterwards, grabs the phone and is dialing nate's number as the afterglow of orgasm washes warm over him, he's done with the movie, he's ready for the real thing.