Mending Hearts

"So you see," Matt said around a mouthful of his sandwich, "I can't exactly tell Jay what I've been feeling because he has no reason to trust me after what I did to Shannon and tried to do to you two."

"A complete mess," Lance nodded.

Shawn quietly pondered what Matt had revealed to the two of them so far. He really hadn't expected to hear this when he'd asked Matt to stay for lunch. He was glad he had, though. The older Hardy brother wouldn't ble tle to get himself out this jam alone and Jeff would be no help whatsoever if he knew. Sure, he'd think it's great that Matt was crushing on someone else. But when Jeff heard who that someone was he'd hit the roof. The younger Hardy was nothing if not protective of Jay. In fact, he'd been careful to keep a very concentrated tab on Jay's activities to be sure that the Canadian wasn't being harassed by the likes of Steiner and Booker T even though he hadn't worked in WWE in almost a full year. It wouldn't matter that Matt was his brother either, as Jeff was still more than mildly pissed at him for what went down with Shannon.

And Shawn knew that whatever it was it was so much worse than the younger Hardy had led them to believe. He'd called some of his contacts over on Smackdown to find out what had happened but they either didn't know anything more or were keeping it to themselves. Shawn figured it was probably a lack of kndge,dge, as Spanky and Paul London were his former students and would feel obligated to come clean with whatever they'd known. And now he didn't even have their eyes over there either. Spanky, fed up with being told he had nothing from creative and would have to continue jobbing on Velocity, gave his notice. Paul's own future was still up in the air. He felt for the kids and mad made them both promise to keep in touch.

But the problem at hand would be a tricky one. And Shawn wasn't about to risk Jay's newly re-found confidence on a whim. He had to be sure Matt could be trusted again before he agreed to help.

"Matt, please don't take offense," Shawn began quietly, "but how can we trust that you won't hurt Jay like you did to Shannon? He's in a much more vulnerable position emotionally. He's not even over all the shit Adam did to him. You could put the final blow to him if anything goes wrong."

The other man looked sadly across the table at him and Shawn felt like an ass saying it, but he knew it had to be settled before he and Lance could condone the potential match. Jeff would have both their asses if they helped Matt and the plan backfired. Matt's deep brown eyes told of a world of pain and loneliness that Shawn knew would keep Matt from ever intentionally hurting anyone again. Like Jeff said, Matt was mortified by his own actions now that he'd come to his senses.

"I can't predict the future," Matt began slowly. "No one can. I can't guarantee that my relationship with Jay will ultimately work out. Just like you couldn't guarantee it when you and Lance hooked up." Both men raised their eyebrows at Matt. "Now, I know it's not the same and that you guys got together under very different circumstances. Shawn, have you ever argued with Lance?"

"Uh, sure I have."

"Bad arguments?" Matt prodded.

Shawn flushed and frowned. He didn't know where Matt was going with this but he nodded.

"He made me cry a few times in the beginning," Lance added softly. "I guess every relationship has its bad spots."

"And how did seeing what you did to Lance affect you?" Matt asked not taking his eyes off Shawn's face.

"Felt like an asshole," Shawn sighed. "I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I knew what I was saying went too far."

"So you changed your behavior to make him feel comfortable with you."

Shawn nodded.

"I'm trying to do that only on a much larger scale," Matt said looking down. "I know Jay's been hurt badly. Hell, I was there for most of it. He came knocking on Jeff's door every time he had a fight with Adam, and who do you think Jeff was rooming with? I heard Jay cry himself to sleep next to Jeff for comfort. I heard the things Adam said to him when he told my brother about them." Matt looked up trying to compose himself. "Besides Jeff, I'm the only one that knows exactly how deep his pain runs. And I want to put it behind him. I want to be the one who eases it. But I know I can't do it without someone's help."

"And Jeff?" Shawn asked.

"Would probably go back to Vince and offer to come back just to keep me away from Jay," Matt finished. "Jay and Shannon are the two people he cares most about in the world. I've emotionally crippled one. He ain't about to trust me with the other."

"We have to tell you, we're a little worried ourselves," Lance said.

"I know and you have every right not to trust me."

"So why?" Shawn asked.

"I came to you to tell you everything because I know what I did is wrong," Matt explained. "If I have any chance of making it right, I need to come clean about it with everyone involved."

"Everyone?" Lance asked.

"Everyone," Matt said with finality. "And most especially Shannon. I don't know if he can ever forgive me and I'm ready for him not to, but I owe him the apology at least."

"I don't mean to judge you," Lance said. "But how could you use him like that? I know you were lonely and he was there, but how could you use his feelings against him like that then dump him?"

"I honestly wish I could answer that," Matt sighed again. "I've been thinking a lot about it but I can't understand it either. It seems so wrong to just say I wasn't myself, but suddenly I wasn't. I was doing things that had me screaming at myself on the inside but I couldn't seem to stop it. I even tried to call Jeff many times to tell him what I was doing but something always stopped me. I knew he suspected. Shannon would always fight with him on the phone, and I assumed he was telling him to leave me. So I just told Shannon he should stop speaking to him so much and he listened to me. That is an even bigger regret than the relationship itself."

"Why's that?" Lance asked with hard eyes. Shawn could see his lover was fighting his own instincts to exact revenge on Shannon's behalf.

"Without Jeff, Shannon was lost," Matt sniffled. It was clear he truly regretted hurting the young blond. "And when his daddy died, he had no one to go to but me. But I was already beyond the ability to help him. And I'm afraid I may have made him feel unimportant and alone by that point. Just a short while later, I jumped here and lost all contact with him."

"And didn't look back," Lance hissed. Shawn put a foot against Lance's leg to steady him. Lance suddenly looked up at him and a whirlwind of anger danced in his eyes, surprising Shawn as he rarely saw that on his normally calm lover's face.

"I'm looking back now, Lance," Matt cried softly, tears tracking their path down his cheek. "And I hate myself for what happened. I want to make it better for Shannon. I really do. I've already called in every favor I ever earned from the top brass in creative over on Smackdown. They said they're going to retool Shannon's image and are set to give him the push he deserves. Adam's training him in areas I couldn't, so he's getting the moves down. And I spoke to Benoit and Terry before coming over here. They may hate me but they'll work with me to make sure Shannon's career takes off. I know he'll probably always hate me, but I will do whatever I can to make things better, Lance. Please believe me."

Shawn held his breath. He believed Matt waslingling the truth. While he hadn't had the chance to get to know the older Hardy very well before the mess started, he did know him well enough to see the signs of deceit. And now that he did he was surprised at how easy it would have been to foil Matt's plan whether Jeff had warned them or not. But Lance was the key decision maker here and Shawn would support whatever his lover decided. Lance studied Matt's anguished features for a long time.

"I believe you, Matt," Lance finally said. "But how do I know you'll put Jay first this time? I was there at the end of his time with Adam. You were on Raw then."

"You know, I hold him every night when we go to sleep," Matt replied. "It's been going on for over a week now. I watch his eyes as I get into bed with him. They start out nervous before I get there. Like he's afraid the nightmares will finally catch him and he won't be able to get back. Then I slip in behind him and turn him to tuck him against me. His eyes relax and he breathes a sigh of relief. He instantly melts against me and falls asleep. It's like he knows I won't let any nightmares get to him as long as I'm holding him."

"He lets you near him?" Lance's eyes widened in shock. "He's never let me or Drew, or anyone else for that matter."

"But Jeff," Matt finished for him. "I know. I think the first time he asked me was a fluke. My brother wasn't there and Adam had called him. I was the only substitute for Jeff. But when he looked like he couldn't cope the second night and I just slipped into his bed, he went very easily into my arms. Like he wanted me to be there, not Jeff. Maybe I imagined it, but I couldn't help but feel pleased that I was making someone's life better for a change. After that, he just let me hold him. Last night, he even mumbled my name." Matt's cheeks flushed and he looked down with a small smile.

Lance studied Matt some more and again Shawn waited.

"Okay," the Canadian finally said. "I'll help you."