Playing With Fire

+++++++++



"So what's for breakfast?" Kelly asked, hopping onto the counter in the kitchen. Ashley gave Jason a curious look. Neither of them had expected to see Kelly, especially not like this. It wasn't that she was happy or anything, she just wasn't as broken as they had been expecting. It was more of a nonchalant indifference.



"Um, pancakes ok?" Ashley asked.



"Sounds good," Kelly nodded.



"So..." Jason said nervously. "Are you ok?"



"Oh yea, perfect," she replied sarcastically, taking the plate of pancakes Ashley handed to her. She ate in silence, put her plate in the dishwasher and walked out of the kitchen.



"How do we take that?" Jason asked after his sister had left.



"I have no idea," Ashley sad. "I think I'd almost rather her show some sort of emotion. At least that way we'd know what she was thinking."



++++++++++



Carrie sighed, stretching out on the sofa in her hotel suite. The previous night had been a long one, and she had allowed herself to sleep way past noon, and after a light dinner, she was about to indulge in a little t.v. time.



"And it was a star studded even last night as country singer Carrie Underwood celebrated the completion of her sophomore album which still remains to be untitled," the announcer proclaimed.



Carrie smiled as they showed some of the faces from the red carpet. It was always hard to get around to seeing everybody at parties like that, so it was nice to be able to see who all showed up to support her.



"Even fellow American Idol winner, Kelly Clarkson, showed up, sporting a new hair color. Perhaps this means that the feud between her and music mogul Clive Davis really is over," the announcer continued.



Carrie's breath caught in her throat as they showed video of Kelly on the red carpet, looking stunning as she posed, her hair a honey blonde. Her mind started reeling.



What did that mean? Kelly had gone to her party. To support her? To talk to her? To fix things? To end things? Whatever it was, it didn't make any sense. Why hadn't she talked to her? Had Clive gotten to her first? Or maybe she had changed her mind and thought better of the whole idea?



Carrie frowned. She needed answers. More importantly, she needed to hear that raspy southern drawl that sent shivers down her spine at a single sound. She pressed the number one on her cell phone. Speed dial was a lovely thing.



+++++++++



Kelly sat on her bed, her phone in her hand. They had returned to Texas for a couple days. She scrolled through her address book until she found Carrie's name. She went through the options and stopped on the one she was looking for. Kelly took a deep breath as she pressed the ok button. A small box appeared on her screen, saying that Carrie's number had been blocked. Kelly placed her phone on the side of her, running a shaky hand through her hair. Deleting the number wasn't enough. She had learned that before, and the last thing she needed right now was Carrie trying to pull the whole friend thing because she knew that she wouldn't be able to turn her down.



+++++++++



"I'm sorry," the machine operator said. "This number is no longer available.



Carrie let the tears that had been threatening to fall for the past few days fall as she laid back in bed, pulling her covers around her.



+++++++++++



Kelly brushed the tears away furiously, cursing herself for letting this happen again. She had promised herself last time that it would never happen again, but she was wrong. She knew better than to open herself up, knowing that every time it only ended in heartache.



Kelly bit her lip, fighting the newly formed tears. Well, not this time. She wasn't about to wallow in self pity. She wasn't going to sit here, morning over what could have been., second guessing herself. She definitely wasn't about to give her heart to anyone ever again, and she sure as hell wasn't about to cry herself to sleep over somebody that obviously didn't give a sh*t about her.



Well, she thought to herself as she curled up, bringing the spare pillow that still smelled like Carrie close to her chest, tears flooding her eyes, maybe she would cry herself to sleep one more time, but this was definitely the last time.





+++++++++







"Hungry?" Ashley asked as Kelly walked down the stairs into the living room.



"Not really," she shook her head, curling up on the couch, placing her head in Ashley's lap, watching t.v.



"What's on your mind?" Ashley asked, patiently, knowing that every time Kelly did this, she wanted to talk. She always had a problem looking at people when she wanted to talk about something serious.



"I think I'm gonna become a nun," Kelly replied.



"A nun?" Jason laughed from the recliner.



"Yea," she nodded. "That way I don't have to deal with any of it--boys, girls, love, sex."



"You know, I like that idea. You should become a nun," he nodded, ducking as Ashley threw the remote at him.



"Kell, you're not serious, are you?" Ashley asked gently.



"No," she sighed, turning onto her back, looking up at the ceiling. "But I just don't see the point of it anymore."



"The point of what?" Ashley questioned, fearing the answer.



"Love. Happiness. That whole fairy tale life. It's all one big lie."



Ashley couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief, although Kelly's answer was a troubling one, it was better than the alternative.



"Look," Ashley smiled gently. "One day, you'll find the right...person, and you'll realize that it's not one big lie."



"Everybody keeps saying that," Kelly frowned, trying not to get angry, knowing that Ashley was only trying to help. "But I don't see how it's worth it. If I have to go through all of this in order to find "the one", then I don't want to find 'em."



"Kel--" Ashley began as the short Texan stood up.



"No," she shook her head. "I'm through with it all. I'm done."



+++++++++



Carrie frowned at the knock on her hotel room door. She was sitting on the floor playing solitaire, waiting until it was time for her to do a few radio interviews over the phone. She had been in L.A. for over a week, and was growing tired of the fakeness of it all. The fake people, the fake smiles, the fake accents, all any of it did was make her crave Kelly and her realness even more.



She stood up, walking over to the door, and opening it.



"Special delivery," the guy replied, handing her a small package, and a receipt to sign. Carrie signed it quickly and shut the door without even saying thank you. She sat on her bed, opening the box. A smile came across her face as she pulled out a CD. It was in a clear case; it was still untitled; it was a plain CD, but she smiled all the same. It was her CD, and it was beautiful. Her eyes scanned through the track list that was in the box. Her brow furrowed confusedly. This wasn't right. Several of the tracks that should have been on the album, weren't. They had been replaced by others that she had recorded, but had decided on not using. She suddenly felt queasy as her eyes fell on the name of the song that she had heard the supposed remix of at her party. She put the CD in her stereo, and turned it to that track. The music began to play, and she felt as if she were gonna throw up. The beautiful ballad had been replaced by an upbeat country-pop sound.



Yea, she nodded as the chorus began to play and she rushed to the bathroom. She was gonna throw up.



++++++++



Kelly frowned, looking at the bottom of her closet. She had been looking for a certain pair of chucks that were currently MIA. She brought over a stool to stand on as she pulled down a suitcase from the top of her closet. A lot of times when she returned from a trip, she was too tired to finish unpacking, so she just left the remaining stuff in her suitcase.



She set it on her bed, unzipping it. A slight triumphant smile formed when she saw her shoes staring up at her. She pulled them out and slipped them on before turning back to her suitcase to see what else she had left. A pair of pajamas lay folded at the bottom of the suitcase, and Kelly found a lump rise in her throat. Her mind raceed back to the morning after the duet when Carrie had been rushed away by her manager, leaving her pajamas on the hotel room floor. Kelly had slipped them into her suitcase, in the hopes of seeing her again to be able to return them.



She picked them up in her shaky hands as she felt her legs get weak. She clutched the clothes to her chest as she fell to her knees, her vision blurred from the tears.





+++++++++



"Sir I tried to stop her," a small secretary said nervously as Carrie pushed her way past her into the office, fire blazing from her eyes.



"It's ok," Clive smiled. "You can go."



The secretary rushed out quickly before her boss changed his mind.



"Hello Carrie, nice weather?" Clive greeted gently.



"What is this?" she asked, all but slamming the brown box she had received in the mail onto his desk.



"Your CD," he replied.



"No," she said, practically shaking from anger. "That is not my CD. I don't know who the hell's CD it is, but it definitely isn't mine."



"Now Carrie--"



"Don't now Carrie me in that condesending tone," she replied. "I did not authorize for the changes that were made. You can't do this!"



"The records are already being printed," Clive pointed out.



"Isn't that illegal?"



"Actually, no. You signed off for it when you renewed your contract," he smiled.



"I'm not supporting that CD."



"You have to. It's in your contract. Besides there's already promo appearances scheduled."



"You can't make me."



"Oh, yes, I can."



"What are you going to do? Sue me?" she asked. "Go ahead! It's just money! It doesn't mean anything! Go on, sue me! I'll quit! I'll go work with someone else, someone that actually appreciates music not just profit!"



"Carrie, calm down," he said, trying to hold back his anger. "Let's come to some sort of compromise."



"What like you did with Kelly?" she frowned.



"I should have known she had a part in this."



"No," Carrie shook her head. "She didn't. I mean besides making me realize that I have a right to do what makes me happy which is something that I had known all along, but had some how forgotten thanks to people like you"



"Look, this is a completely different situation--"



"How? You compromised right? You let her have her record while you completely dogged it and practically refused to promote it! Of course it wasn't going to sell millions with that kind of support, and you knew that! You just had to prove your point, no matter how much it hurt all the people connected to that album!"



"I will not be addressed that way in my office!" Clive yelled, standing up, his face turning a brilliant shade of red. Carrie took a nervous step back.



Clive quickly readjusted his tie, taking a deep breath.



"Listen," he said gently.



Carrie shook her head backing out of the office, "I'm done listening. I'll be in touch."



++++++++++



Carrie arrived back in her hotel room, still breathing heavily. She pulled out her phone, needing to talk to the one person who knew what she was going through, the one person who always seemed to be able to calm her down. She pressed one, and was received with the same recording as she had been the previous week. She clutched her phone in her shaky hand, throwing it against the wall, watching it shatter to pieces as she fell in a lump onto the floor. She felt as if the walls were closing in on her as the hot tears streamed down her face. She could practically hear her world crumbling around her. She was sure she actually would have been able to hear it if it weren't for the deafening sound of her heart ripping in two. She just lay there on the floor, her body completely racked with sobs, praying for the pain to end.