There's a Fine Line COMPLETE

Lex sat on the park bench, feeling the warm sun on her face. He must hate her, she thought to herself. She had told him the things she had done, he had stayed and she had said hurtful things and he had stayed. And when he had finally fell asleep she had run away. Dressed quietly and snuck out past the nurses and left him there. She had been on her way to get a hit when she saw the bench. It was in a circle of sunshine and had looked so nice, she felt like doing something normal for a change. Now sitting in a park filled with laughing children and barking dogs, she cried, cried for the life she had once had, for the man she loved still and for the drug that even now was calling to her. Rehab, she heard Rob's voice saying that word, echoing in her head, could she do it? He had, others had. Maybe she should. She ran her tongue gently over the tender open spots where her teeth used to be. What would happen next time? Maybe she wouldn't get a chance to call for help. Or maybe next time Rob would say he was too busy with his new wife. She sat there while people stared at her with disgust, her clothes still covered in blood, dirty hair and she couldn't remember the last shower she'd had.

Finally she stood up and began to walk through the park, she found a phone and tried to make a collect call to Rob, she didn't even have a quarter to use. The operator told her there was no answer. She hung up and began to walk again. She found herself at the hospital she had been in the night before. She asked to see the docotr that had treated her. He was gone for the day but she was brought to another doctor.

"Can you refer me to a good rehab centre? My family will pay. Please I need help." She told him. He smiled reassuringly and phoned up a place. They were sending someone to pick her up. She would be in total isolation for 6 weeks, going through intense therapy, she could send letters but she coudn't make phone calls or have any incoming mail. She nodded and agreed. They let her make a phone call to her parents who cried when she told them where she was going and they set up arrangement to pay for her treatment.

"I love you Daddy." She said to her crying father.

"Me too Lexi. I'm still so proud of you." He told her, his voice choked with tears.

And they let her call Rob. She felt she owed him an explanation. He wasn't home but his answering machine picked up this time.

"Rob, it's me, Lex. I'm sorry about leaving you like that. I was going to score a fix but I didn't. I'm going into rehab, right now. I only have this last chance to tell you. Thank you. You have helped me so much. I'll write you a letter, you don't have to read it, I'll understand if you don't ever want to talk to me again. Uhm...take care and I love you. I really do. I know I broke that trust and I'm..."

The answering machine cut her off. She wiped a tear and told them she was ready to go.


"Rob got back to his house with Jon, 5 minutes after Lex left her call. He checked his messages. One was from his Mum, reminding him about Sally's birthday next week. One was the operator telling him he had missed a collect call from Lex.

"Shit, I missed her Jonny." He said as he heard Lex's voice. He and Jon stared at each other as they heard Lex's words. Then they smiled and hugged each other when she said she was going to rehab.

"She's going to do it. I know Lex. She is the strongest person I know." Jon said.

"Yeah. And we'll be there for her. I wish I had the chance to talk to her though, to tell her...that I'll be waiting for her." Rob said feeling his throat tighten with emotion.

"You'll see her soon enough, mate." Jon said putting his arm around Rob's shoulder.


Dear Rob,

I am supposed to write down my feeling and thoughts in a journal but I can't stop thinking about you and I needed to do this first. I wish I could talk to you now and hear your voice, to see how you are feeling. I know I am making a lot of presummptions that we are even still friends and I will totally understand if you throw this letter away or never speak to me again. But I feel like you can't hate me, after everything you've done. My doctor told me you are paying for the bill here and you paid for my teeth to get fixed. Whenever I look in the mirror to brush my teeth I think of you. Thank you.

I don't even know why I started do coke in the first place. It's so stupid when I think about it, I was hungover and feeling like shit. I was called to a sudden meeting and I thought it would help me think. After that I tried to tell myself I did it because I needed it for work or because I missed you. But that was a lie. I did it because I liked the way I felt when I was stoned. By the time I stopped feeling good when I took it, it was too late. I was an addict. Me. I still can't believe it when I think about it. I was always such a good girl and came from a good home and I ended up like this.

In group we talk about the thing we did when we were using and it seems like I was another person but I know I have to take responsibility for my actions. I feel so ashamed of myself for doing this to my family and to you. We had a great thing and I threw it all away. Jon warned me about you but no one warned you about me. I'm so very very sorry for the trouble and the hurt I caused you. I hope one day we can sit and talk like friends, maybe, if you can forgive me, even though I don't deserve it.

Love Lex

Rob folded the letter and put it in his safe and locked it away. He had known that Lex's parent's couldn't afford the expensive rehab costs. It was just money to him and fixing Lex's teeth, he hadn't even given it a second thought. She deserved to have a good chance at her new life and with three teeth missing at the front of her mouth it would be hard. Plus he wanted to see his Lexi smile again.