Playing With Fire

++++++++++





Kelly hopped up onto the bathroom counter, running the water in the sink. It had been a few days since she had found Carrie's pajamas, and she still had them under her pillow. She frowned as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. She was completely worn out from everything. The second leg of promotion for her album had started to kick in full force, and she had done several interviews over the past few days including a press junket for the new tour, announcing all of the upcoming dates. The tour. That in and of itself had brought nothing but more stress, but she couldn't help but smile at thought of being on stage once again and being able to be completely free.



Then there was the emotional battle waging within her. She was fighting against herself. Part of her wanted to hold on to Carrie for dear life. The other part wanted to completely forget that the country blonde even existed. While another part wanted to completely wallow in self pity. The winning part, however, was the one she was most familiar with. The part of her that just wanted to completely ignore it all and close herself off from anything that came too close. That part was definitely winning, and the fact that she had to act like her normal bubbly self in all of the interviews while inside she was absolutely numb, only brought on more strain.



She lathered the shaving cream onto her right leg, twisting sideways to pick up her razor that was behind her, only to knock it onto the floor.



"Sh*t," she breathed, jumping back down, grabbing the razor. She drew in a sharp breath as she felt one of the cool blades glide across her finger. Her finger began to burn as she brought it up in front of her face, watching the bubble of blood that was forming.



Kelly studied it with a mixture of confusion and curiosity as it slowly began to trickle down. Her finger burned like crazy, yet she couldn't help but feel the slightest bit of relief at the pain. It was almost as if it were the only thing she could feel, and it proved that she was in fact, still alive and breathing. She swallowed hard as her eyes moved between the cut on her left index finger to the razor that was still in her right hand.



She bit her lip, taking in a deep breath. Her razor still in her hand, she slowly ran her thumb over the soft skin of her left wrist, feeling her pulse race as it pushed the blood through her veins to her thumb that was now throbbing. Kelly watched as drops of blood fell to the floor. The cut must have been deeper than she originally thought. With each drop of blood that fell, she felt herself relax that much more.



Her bottom lip started to quiver as she brought the razor to her wrist, her hand shaking, and her eyes shut as a tear escaped. She licked her lip, tasting the saltiness of it as the cold razor tickled her skin that felt as if it were on fire. Her hand froze as her breath began to quicken, reality settling in on her. She opened her eyes, looking down at her hands and what she was about to do, which only caused her arms to shake even more. She felt the anger start to build up inside of her. Kelly looked up into the mirror to find her face pale and her eyes hallow.



"Da*n it!" she cried throwing the razor with all her might, not even flinching when it shattered the mirror before her. She took a step back, finding the wall, and slid down it. She brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs, as she rocked herself back in forth, shaking as the tears formed.



"Kelly!" a frantic voice called out.



She couldn't hear them. All she could hear was a sweet country voice singing in her ears.



"Kelly, are you ok?" Ashley asked, rushing into the bathroom, out of breath. "I heard something break."



"Was it my heart?" Kelly asked softly as Ashley surveyed the scene that she had walked in on. Part of the long mirror on the wall wasn't there anymore. It lay broken on the counter and floor. The water in the sink was still running, a razor lay amongst the shambles. "Cause I think it was my heart."



Ashley's eyes fell on her best friend who sat huddled against the wall, rocking herself back and forth with freely-flowing tears streaming down her face. A tiny pool of blood was starting to form by one of her feet.



"Kell?" she asked, rushing to her side. "Are you ok?"



Kelly bit her trembling lip, shaking her head as she continued to look straight ahead.



"Your bleeding," Ashley pointed out gently, taking Kelly's left hand and slowly pulling it away from her. She let out a slight sigh of relief, noticing that the blood was coming from a cut on her finger.



"It hurts," Kelly cried, her voice cracking. "It really hurts."



"I know baby," Ashley said, struggling to hold back the tears in her own eyes as she wrapped her friend in her arms, pulling her close. "I know."





+++++++++++





Carrie took a deep steadying breath, massaging her forehead as the car she was in pulled up to the airport. It had been one of the most trying two weeks of her life. She couldn't just cancel the mini tour that had already been scheduled--she refused to do that to her fans. So, her set list consisted of some of her old songs and only the songs that she had approved of to go on the album. Of course, Clive had some how managed to find out, and that only led to another heated argument. But, what Clive didn't know, was that for the past two weeks, Carrie's lawyers had been at hard work, trying to find someway out of the contract that she had signed, selling her soul to the devil. Unfortunately, they were having no luck. The old man knew what he was doing.



Still no word from Kelly, not even a peep. Unless, if you count Carrie tivoing her performance on the Teen Choice Awards. She couldn't help but beam just thinking about it. Her girl was so amazing, and she wanted nothing more than to run her fingers through her newly blonde hair. That's when it hit her like a ton of bricks. She wasn't her girl anymore.



She was forced to stop, closing her eyes for a moment, regaining her composure as she entered the airport. Her phone vibrating in her pocket brought her out of her trance.



"Hello?" she frowned.



"Hey, Carrie," Chris greeted from the other end.



"Where have you been?" Carrie asked. She hadn't heard from her manager since the initial blow out with Clive.



"I've been busy, trying to clean up this mess you've made," he replied.



"Mess? Chris, you know that I'm right about this," she said.



"Carrie, Clive knows what he's doing. He knows how to make a hit record. He knows how to sell albums."



"Since when is music about money?"



"Since there are hundreds of people's jobs counting on your career, including mine."



"Exactly," Carrie frowned. "I'm your boss, not Clive, therefore, you do as I say."



"Well..."



"Well what?" Carrie asked, not liking the sound of that "well".



"Well, actually Clive is my boss as well," Chris replied, hesitantly.



"What do you mean? Since when does a tyrant need a manager?"



"Well, he didn't hire me as a manager."



"Chris, what are you talking about?"



"I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on you. You know, making sure you're doing all the right things, hanging out with the right people."



"You mean hanging out with anybody but Kelly?" she asked, trying to keep her anger at a minimum.



"Look, Carrie, it's my job to look out for you anyway. So, it's no big deal."



"No," she replied firmly. "It's your job to make sure I'm doing the best thing for me. Not for the men in the suits. You are supposed to be looking out for my career, and making sure that I'm not gonna be one of those fifteen minutes of fame people, that once I sell my millions I'm thrown aside."



"You know I would never do anything to harm your career--"



"Who's paying you more?"



"What?"



"You heard me."



"He is."



Carrie took a shaky breath as realization slowly started to wash over her, "How long?"



"Carrie--"



"For how long Chris?" she was surprised at how strong and cold her voice sounded.



"A couple months after you won."



Carrie felt as if she needed to sit down as her head started to spin.



"Carrie?"



"Y-you're fired Chris," she replied as she felt her eyes water, hanging up the phone. She didn't understand. Chris had been there with her since the beginning. No matter what, he had always been there. Sure, sometimes he was a jerk, but she could always count on him. Now, she slowly started to realize, swallowing the lump that was rising in her throat, it had all been a lie. Now she truly was all alone.



She passed a gift shop, wiping her eye furiously. That's the last thing she needed, pictures of her crying all over the tabloids. A familiar scent tickled her nose, causing butterflies to rise in her stomach, and she turned curiously. There was a small display of candles in the gift shop, a single vanilla one lit in the middle. Carrie's breathing became shallow as she shook slightly from the effort of holding back the tears, sweet vanilla surrounding her once more, nearly dropping her ticket back to Nashville.



+++++++++



Kelly jumped awake at the sound of thunder rumbling menacingly. They had just gotten back home after the promotional tour in Canada and the Teen Choice Awards, and she was thoroughly drained to the core. She was glad there were no more interviews, because she knew she wouldn't be able to fake her way through another one. It had been hard enough to sing "Never Again" at the award show. She laughed hollowly at the irony of it. So much for never again.



She pulled her blankets up around her as a lighting blot lit up the sky. She didn't like thunderstorms, in fact she hated them. As another thunder clap echoed throughout the house, she decided that sleep was no longer an option. She looked at the clock--2 AM--and shrugged. She was used to getting up in the middle of the night, but normally it was to write, not to be a chicken.



Kelly slipped on some clothes, and made her way down to the kitchen where she proceeded to make some hot chocolate. That was the one thing that always seemed to calm her down. Well, that, and being in Carrie's arms. Kelly silently cursed herself for brining that thought up, and quickly pushed the emotions back down that she felt rising within her. She stirred the chocolate into the steaming milk, and took a careful sip, not wanting to burn her tongue. The hot, sweet liquid streamed down her throat, warming her to the core, and she was able to take a calm, steady breath.



Another round of thunder, made her close her eyes tightly as she clung to the mug. But not long after, the sweet sound of rain cascading down the roof made her smile as she felt herself completely relax, now fully able to enjoy the comfort of the hot chocolate. She remembered hearing somewhere when she was younger that a tornado couldn't occur while it was raining. She didn't know if it was true or not, and she surely didn't want to find out because that was the only thing that helped her relax during thunderstorms. The rain was like a sort of safety net. Maybe that's why she like the rain so much. That, and the fact that it was so much fun to play in.



Kelly walked into the living room, bringing her drink with her, and curled up on the couch, wrapped in a warm blanket. She turned on the t.v., making sure to keep the volume low, finding an rerun of Friends playing. She sighed, contentedly, as she felt her eyes start to close once more.



+++++++++++



Kelly grumbled as she woke up, hearing a knock on the front door. She frowned as she checked the clock on the television--3:30 AM. She had only been asleep an hour and a half. The storm was still raging outside, but it was pouring just as steadily as it had been when she had fallen asleep. She felt her eyes start to close again, forgetting why she had even woken up in the first place, then she heard it again. Another knock on the door. She sat up on the couch, stretching lazily as she pushed the blanket off of her. She stood up, straightening her clothes, and cautiously made her way to the front door.



Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. This was like the perfect setting for a horror movie--middle of the night, girl by herself, although Jason and Ashley were a mere shout away, thunderstorm. Yep, this was the perfect time for a stalker to strike. And who better to have a stalker, than a famous singer. She reached the door, looking through the peep hole. Jason and Ashley had cursed her for making it so low, but it was the perfect height for her to look through.



She couldn't see anything through the sheets of rain, so she slowly opened the door.



"Carrie?" she asked confusedly. The country blonde was standing there, soaked to the bone, her clothes clinging to her and her mascara running, Kelly wasn't sure if it was from the rain of the tears that she knew were falling by the shaking of Carrie's shoulders. For some reason, Kelly had never seen her look so beautiful as she did at that moment, standing before her, completely drenched, suitcase in hand, and a mixture of fear and hope in her eyes.



"Y-you said if I-I ever needed a place to g-get away," Carrie managed through the tears.



Kelly didn't know what to do. This was the exact thing that she swore she would never do. She wasn't going to let her back in. She wasn't going to torture herself again. She wasn't going to get hurt again. And, she wasn't about to let that beautiful girl stand out there in the rain, completely alone, especially when Kelly knew how awful it was to feel alone, and especially since, Kelly had just realized that that beautiful girl still held her beating heart in the palm of her hand, although Kelly would never admit that to her.



"Come here," Kelly replied, pulling her inside and out of the storm. She pulled the girl into a tight hug, not caring that she was getting soaked. She couldn't stand to see Carrie looking so lost and vulnerable. She bit her lip, looking up to the ceiling as Carrie cried in her arms. Feeling her in her arms, pressed against her, was almost enough to make Kelly's heart break all over again.





+++++++++



"Are you ok?" Kelly asked, pulling away slightly to get a better look at her in the light. "Are you hurt or anything? What happened?"



"I-I" Carrie struggled, but couldn't get any words out.



"It's ok. It's ok," Kelly said, rubbing her hands up and down Carrie's arms, trying to hide her worry. She had heard somewhere that worrying only makes it worse for the other person. "Oh, wow, you're freezing," she commented, feeling the goose bumps on the girl's arms under her hands. She was visibly shaking.



"Ok, it's ok," Kelly soothed. "How about we go get you into a hot shower? That'll help you warm up some, and maybe relax?"



Carrie still couldn't talk so she merely nodded.



"Ok," Kelly smiled gently, slipping her hand into the blonde's, grabbing Carrie's suitcase with the other, leading her up the stairs and into Kelly's room and into her bathroom.



"You can use mine," she said, turning on the hot water in the huge bathtub that could have easily passed as a Jacuzzi.



"Look," she said, her voice still gentle and patient, much like her eyes were as she looked up into Carrie's. "You take as long as you need, ok? And I promise, whatever's wrong, we're gonna fix it, alright?"



"Y-you're gonna h-help m-me?" Carrie managed to choke out, unable to hide her surprise.



"Of course I will," Kelly replied, pulling her into another hug. "Anything you need."



"I don't d-deserve you," Carrie replied as Kelly pulled away.



"You're right," she shrugged. "But hey, it's what friends do, remember?"



Carrie smiled for the first time since she had arrived at the doorstep. Small as it was, it still warmed Kelly to the core.



"So, you should have everything. If you need something, I'll be right there in my room, k?"



Carrie nodded, and Kelly gave her a reassuring smile before leaving her alone in the bathroom. Kelly closed the door behind her and walked over to her bed where she collapsed on it, bringing a shaky hand to her forehead, allowing the tears that she had been holding back to fall. What had she gotten herself into?



++++++++++



Carrie pulled her freshly washed and dried hair back into a pony tail, taking a steadying breath as she opened the bathroom door. She found Kelly sitting Indian style on her bed, drinking something in a mug with another one on the side of her. Kelly looked up as Carrie walked towards her, and offered her the second mug.



"Kind of early in the morning to be drinking," Carrie said, trying to ease the tension.



"It's hot chocolate you nerd," Kelly replied. "It's actually my second batch of the night."



"Rough night?"



"Apparently not as bad as yours. Sit."



Carrie did as she was told, accepting the warm mug from Kelly.



"So what's going on?" Kelly asked.



"First I just wanted--"



"Please, don't," Kelly said softly, her eyes pleading.



Carrie bit her lip and nodded. She hated this. She was so close to the person that she had desperately been needing, yet she couldn't even touch her.



"Everything's falling apart," Carrie admitted. "And I didn't know where else to go."



"It's ok. I meant it when I said you're always welcome here," Kelly said, regretting the moment when she had first told Carrie that. "So what happened?"



"Clive."



Kelly nodded, "I'm gonna need a little more than that."



"Well..." Carrie began, telling Kelly the whole story of the past couple weeks, skipping the all the times she had broken down in tears over her.



"And I don't know, but the whole Chris thing was just the last straw. I mean, I trusted him, you know? I thought he was looking out for me, and all this time he was trying to mold me into something I'm not," Carrie finished, the hurt and betrayal evident in her eyes..



Kelly chewed on her bottom lip, her brows furrowed as Carrie's story set in. She looked up at the country singer. She looked so lost and afraid, that Kelly couldn't help but sympathize with her. After all, she knew exactly what she was going through.



"They taped over you mouth," Kelly recited slowly. "Scribbled out the truth with their lies--your little spies."



Carrie looked at her, clearly lost.



"It's Paramore," Kelly explained.



"Is he one of those philosopher guys that I should know?"



"It's a band, and the lead singer's actually a girl," Kelly replied with a slight laugh. "I should have known you wouldn't have heard of them. Here," she said getting up and walking over to her desk. She grabbed a CD and rejoined Carrie on the bed. "It's their CD. Listen to it. It's good."



"Ok?" Carrie said, not knowing where she was taking this.



"Look," Kelly sighed, patiently. "There's nothing we can do right now. How about you get some sleep, and we figure this out in the morning, ok?"



Carrie nodded, "Where?"



"Um, just stay in here," Kelly said, standing from the bed. "I don't want to wake Ashley or Jason up, trying to set you up in the guest room."



"What about you?"



"I'm gonna go sleep on the couch. That's where I was when you showed up anyway," she replied, walking to the door.



Carrie bit her lip nervously, trying to find the courage to ask the question on the tip of her tongue.



"Kelly--" she said, causing the Texan to freeze, her hand on the door knob. She turned around slowly, and Carrie felt her heart drop at the look on Kelly's face that was begging Carrie not to ask her to stay. Carrie forced a small smile, her voice coming out weak, "Thanks."



Kelly nodded before walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.