Slow Motion

i told you a new chapter would be up soon.



"nate.." brendon says and frank is still kissing the side of his face.



"hmm?" is all franks responds but brendon isn't thinking about frank anymore. he's pushing the older boy off of him and scrambling up off the bed, running in all his naked glory to where nate was standing.



"nate!" brendon yells because he's desperate to stop nate from leaving. he's plotting lies to feed his boyfriend even as he runs to catch up to him. nate shakes his head and moves towards the stage door, intent on leaving. "wait, nate!" brendon yells and nate does stop, his arms crossed and his back to brendon.



"please...nate you don't understand." brendon starts and nate whips around.



"don't understand that you're doing drugs?" he say's and nate's angrier then brendon's ever seen him. his eyes are dark and his mouth is in a tight line. "brendon! i'm not fucking stupid! i've worked in this business way longer then you have, i know what drugs the actors use." nate hisses at brendon and the boy shirks back because he's not use to this nate, he's used to kind sweet nate not the one who looks like he might punch him in the face.



these thoughts never crossed brendon's mind. he had forgotten that nate was a porn star too, of course nate fucking knows about the ecstasy.



"brendon...i never thought that you weren't that type...i-i thought you were better than that." nate says, brendon can feel the disappointment in his boyfriend's voice and it stings him, the E is taking effect but it's not the same brendon can't feel that warm fuzzy feeling that makes the world seem pure.



"nate..i'm sorry...don't hate me please..." brendon begs because he's scared, he's so fucking scared that nate will pick up and walk out and never look back. if that happens, well, brendon isn't sure what he would do. nate stares at brendon for a long while and brendon thinks he almost imagines a smile on his face.



"you realize that you're nude right bren?" nate says and his voice is lighter but not by much. brendon actually hadn't thought about the fact that he was naked and people were walking around him seeing him naked. it didn't matter because all he wanted was to make things okay with nate.



"i didn't care..i just wanted to get to you." brendon says and he's not so light hearted but he's glad that nate's smiling. brendon wants to use an excuse on nate, to lie and say that he was just experimenting, he wants to but he can't. a part of him is compelled to tell nate the truth, to stop all the lying. he feels like he owes it to his boyfriend.



"i-i want to tell you the truth." brendon starts and nate's face soften because brendon is being so insanely honest right now. "it's not the first time i've done drugs." he says and nate's mouth goes tight again but he doesn't say anything so brendon continues.



"i've been doing drugs for a long time...since before i met you...i never told you because i was afraid of how you'd react...but now that i know you don't like it..i want to change for you, i want to be a better person...because i love you."



brendon was hoping that his words weren't brought on purely by the drug in his system. he didn't think they were, the want to tell nate the truth had always been there but the fear was too strong to allow him to speak the truth, if anything the E just knocked out the fear.



nate's face is blank and he moves forward slowly towards brendon. the younger boy is watching nate cautiously. nate presses his hand to brendon's cheek, warm and comforting and brendon just wants nate to hold him forever but he thinks that may be the drug talking.



"we'll talk when we get home." nate says soft and light and brendon nods and he just hopes that after he tells nate everything that the boy will still love him as much as he did before.

***

it's later in the night and brendon's just confessed everything to nate. he told him about when he started doing drugs at fourteen with ryan and brent, about how paint chips made ryan retarded, about how he started doing harder drugs and all about pete and his attempted suicide.



nate sat quietly and listened to brendon. he asked questions only when brendon was done talking and brendon answered everything he could. he had to admit that now he felt better like a weight had been lifted from his chest. nate still loved him, still wanted to be with him and brendon was glad.



but it's not like the boy came away unscathed, in order to keep nate as his boyfriend he had to make the older boy a promise. he promised to never do drugs again. he knew it was an easy promise to make but it would be hard to keep. nate employed spencer into helping with this mission, asking the younger boy to keep an eye on brendon.



brendon was determined to do this, he'd have to work harder then he ever had but he believed he could get clean. he wanted to for nate's sake.

***

it's three weeks into brendon's attempt at staying drug-free. he and nate are out shopping and brendon's handling it pretty well. he's been ignoring william's phone call's and he hasn't heard from gabe in awhile. spencer knows about his stash in the shed and won't let him get near it.



the worst happened in that first week. brendon felt like he was dying but at least nate stayed with him and held his hand through it all. it got easier, it still wasn't easy but at least brendon wasn't puking or sweating like he had been in the previous weeks.



nate and brendon are holding hands and brendon's head hurts a little but nate's smiling so he feels better. "brendon, i want to stop in here." nate says and brendon peers up at the large border's bookstore that's sitting infront of them. the store is on a strip of the business district, stores line the sidewalks and everything is in walking distance.



"alright babe." brendon murmurs and he wonders if maybe he can pick up a book about the best way to stay clean. he and nate enter the store and it smells like paper but surprisingly brendon's head starts to feel a bit better. nate and brendon's hands are still linked together.



the store is huge with different sections sprawled across the store space. there's a small coffee stand to the right complete with little tables and different foods to eat. nate is checking out a display of new releases as brendon scans the wide store.



"excuse me can you help me?" he hears nate ask.



"yeah, what do you need?" brendon hears a familar voice reply, he assumes it's a worker that's helping nate. brendon looks at the duo and he freezes on the spot because he does know the worker. the baby faced strawberry blonde, blue eyed worker. fuck, it's patrick.



brendon can't believe that he forgot that patrick worked at this paticular borders. he hadn't seen the other boy since the night of the hospital, since the night he found out that pete had cheated on him.



nate notices brendon staring at the man and he looks up confused. "brendon?" he says lightly. brendon shakes his head and looks over at nate.



"i'm find baby." nate says and he looks at patrick. "um..hey, patrick how are you?" brendon say's wearily, he isn't sure how patrick will react but he just wants to make things good, or at least not have patrick hate his guts.



patrick looks at brendon and the younger boy can't read his expression, he's never been good at it. patrick's eyes sweep over brendon and nate and brendon really wants to know what he's thinking.



"hey, brendon.." is all patrick replies and now nate is looking between the two boys like he doesn't understand what's happening and brendon catches that look and decides to play nice.



"um..patrick, this is my boyfriend nate..nate, this is my friend patrick." brendon says as he motions between the boys and yeah, he might be using the term 'friend' a little loosely but brendon doesn't think 'the boyfriend of the guy i was sleeping with' sounds as nice.



nate puts his hand out and patrick takes it, maybe because patrick is a polite person. "so, you're one of brendon's friends?" nate asks and brendon's eyes widen because he's worried about what patrick would say. he never told nate that he was helping pete cheat on patrick, he didn't think it would be important but now patrick could say it, he has every right to say it but still brendon hopes he doesn't.



"i guess you could say that." patrick replies and his eyes are sparking with a knowing look. the strawberry blonde boy stares at brendon and he knows that patrick knows exactly what brendon is thinking. suddenly brendon's cell phone rings loud and clear in the store and he grabs it up quickly. he see's andy's name flash across the screen and all he hopes is that the boy never found out about the blowjob matt had given him.



brendon looks at nate and patrick and he releases nate's hand. "i gotta take this." he says and nate nods and brendon slips past the people in the store so he can find a quiet place to talk.



"hello?" brendon asks as he weaves past an elderly couple and moves to stand next to a solid bookcase out of the way of the shopping people.



"hey, brendon, it's andy." andy doesn't sound infuriated so he thinks that it's a safe bet that he hasn't found out about brendon and matt's backseat adventures.



"hey, andy what's up?" brendon asks, he eyes the people around him.



"i..i just wanted to tell you that he's back..." andy says and brendon is confused.



"what?..whose back?" brendon asks, but he never hears andy's anwser because at that moment a person walks out from the back of the store. rounding the corner in his tight jeans and ragged hoodie. black bangs sticking down over his forhead and brown eyes warm and more alive then brendon's ever remembered seeing them.



"pete..." brendon says and it comes out as a whisper as he stares at pete who too has stopped and is looking in surprise back at him.