Slow Motion

"yeah...how'd you know?" andy says and brendon can't talk to him right now, he can't focus on andy, not when pete wentz is standing right in front of him.



"i..gotta go." is all he says and he closes his phone, not even waiting for the goodbye. brendon's still staring at pete and the older boy is doing the same.



he can't believe pete is here, right infront of him. he didn't know when the older boy had gotten back from rehab but he's so happy to see him. in this moment brendon realizes that he's missed pete, missed him more then he ever thought he did. he want's to run to pete, hug him and kiss him and never let go. but he can't, because of nate he can't.



"pete..when did you get back?" brendon asks and he sounds breathless but he can't help it. this pete standing before him, this pete isn't the one who left. this pete that's standing before him is the one he remembers from all those years ago, from when he was just a kid and met pete when he too was a kid.



pete runs a hand through his hair, an act he does when he's nervous. "late last night..." pete says and he looks unsure of what to do, what to say to brendon. it's only natural that things are a bit awkward between them, the last time they had seen each other was a little over three months ago. back when pete promised to always love brendon but to keep a relationship with patrick.



"you look great pete." brendon says and he's being completely honest because pete does look great. he smiles that wide smile, the one that show's off his teeth.



"thanks, three months sober will do that to you." he says and he gives a nervous kind of laugh, like he isn't sure he should bring the topic up. brendon grins a tight grin.



"here's hoping." he says and pete lifts an eyebrow.



"i'm getting clean too." brendon states, trying to clear up some of pete's obvious confusion. pete smiles, a real genuine smile and brendon returns it. the older boy rushes at him suddenly and has his arms around him pressing them tightly together in a hug.



"brendon! that's so great!" pete is babbling excitedly, he pulls back from brendon, his hand's gripping the younger boy's arms. brendon wants to lean forward, he want's to kiss pete, but he doesn't and pete's hand's slip off of him.



"i know, i'm doing it for my boyfriend." brendon adds and pete's face goes blank, the word obviously surprises him.



"so you're seeing someone?" he asks and brendon nods. he's doesn't miss that pete's voice is lower, brendon honestly doesn't know what pete was expecting. a wild thought shoots through his mind, one that makes his heart stop. he wonder's if perhaps despite pete saying that he wanted to give all of himself to patrick, what if..what if he still wanted brendon?



"uh..yeah, i am...his name's nate...he's perfect." brendon is saying but he's looking into pete's eyes and a million memories are flashing through him and he wants to do it all again.



"oh.." pete says and they fall into an awkward silence again. at this point brendon see's nate followed by patrick heading towards them.



"i see you've managed to find pete." patrick says as he stops a few steps from brendon and pete. brendon doesn't miss the bitterness in his tone and he knows that it's time to leave. he looks over at nate and it appears that he's waiting for brendon to introduce him to pete.



"um, yeah...oh, nate, this is pete, he's an old friend." brendon starts and nate smiles and offers his hand. "pete, this is my boyfriend nate." the duo exchange pleasantries but brendon just want's to leave, want's to get away from pete and patrick. "are you ready baby? i'm not feeling too great." brendon says and he take's nate's hand in his own and give's it a squeeze.



nate look's up at brendon and nod's. "yeah, i didn't find anything i liked so let's just go home." nate anwser's and brendon nod's. he look's at pete and patrick.



"good to see you two again." he say's and he turn's away from his past lover and his lover's boyfriend and leaves with his own boyfriend.



it's late at night and nate's hand's are on brendon's tighs, his mouth on brendon's cock. the younger boy moans and allows his hand's to tangle into nate's shaggy hair. he has his eye's closed and he's focusing on the feeling of nate's mouth on his dick. he wishes he could say that he's actually thinking about his boyfriend but he's not, he's thinking of pete, wishing it was pete's mouth on his cock.



brendon know's it's wrong but he can't stop. he'd been thinking about pete ever since they had left border's earlier that day. he love's nate, he really does but he know's that he still has feeling's for pete. he had them the day he left pete in the hospital and he wonder's if they ever really left.



brendon comes and it takes everything he has not to call out pete's name. nate move's to snuggle up with his boyfriend. he nuzzles brendon's neck and kisses his cheek. "i love you brendon." nate whispers and brendon feel's his heart clench up because he's feeling so guilty.



"i love you too." brendon replies and he can only take comfort in the fact that he's being honest.

***

nate has to work the next day so that leaves brendon at his house nearly alone, nearly because ryan and spencer are around but their in the living room and spencer is reading simple book's to ryan and trying to teach him more words.



brendon doesn't have a job anymore, he quit the porn business after he decided to get clean. nate quit too so he could be supportive of his boyfriend. brendon kinda wishes he hadn't quit, not because he missed the sex but because he was unbelievably bored now.



he was still craving the drugs but that's not all his body was jonesing for, he wanted pete too. he didn't quite think it was fair that his body was required to resist two temptations, that of drug's and pete. brendon know's he's going to break on one of the accounts, he know's himself too well not to. he doesn't want to break, he want's to be clean and he want's to be faithful but it's too much, he's not that strong, he has to have at least one of the two coveted items.



he tries to hold out but his body hurts, his head and heart hurt and he can hear ryan repeating spencer's word's from the living room. he's learned to say a few of them without stuttering.



brendon can't handle being alone anymore and he doesn't want to go and hang with spencer and ryan, he feel's like maybe he might be hurting ryan's growth.



he know's his temptation has broken and he need's it, he need's it right now. he grab's up his cell phone and dial's the number he know's all too well. it take's three ring's before he pick's up. the voice brendon know's echoing in his ears.



"it's brendon...can i come over?" he ask's and the man on the other end say's 'yes' so brendon hang's up and tell's spencer he's going to pick up a few groceries. spencer doesn't think anything of it, doesn't know where brendon is really going. where brendon has to go.